My fiance said he was tired and I said oh me too. He got upset and rolled his eyes and shaked his head so i said I’m sorry multiple times because I could tell he was irritated. He said multiple times I shouldn’t have added to the conversation and just let him speak. But in my understanding I was agreeing like “omg me too, I get it” all he was thinking was that I was rubbing it in his face that I get up with the baby usually. I meant nothing to it besides me also being tired….he took it as me complaining about me getting up with the baby. I literally meant nothing about it
AITA?
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My fiance said he was tired and I said oh me too. He got upset and rolled his eyes and shaked his head so i said I’m sorry multiple times because I could tell he was irritated. He said multiple times I shouldn’t have added to the conversation and just let him speak. But in my understanding I was agreeing like “omg me too, I get it” all he was thinking was that I was rubbing it in his face that I get up with the baby usually. I meant nothing to it besides me also being tired….he took it as me complaining about me getting up with the baby. I literally meant nothing about it
AITA?
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> AITA because my fiance thought I was belittling him but agreeing with his statement that he’s tired
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. HE’S TA for even trying to complain about being tired when you literally just pushed a baby out your vagina and have been getting up to take care of baby regularly. If anyone should be complaining about being tired, it’s YOU
NTA
Why did you apologize so much?
NTA He needs a bit of self reflection on why he’s snappy. He could have agreed and then ask if he could vent about his feelings as he needs you to listen or something. Sounds like he’s also projecting his guilt that you’re doing more with the baby. He needs to adult up and take some responsibility with baby.
NTA. It seems quite unfortunate you met the wrong guy to have kids with. You went through pregnancy, labour and have had a child. All he had to do was keep you happy, make sure you and baby was okay and probably help you with food cravings. He didn’t have to injure 9 months of pregnancy and pushing a baby out. He sounds like an AH.
I honestly don’t know why you apologised soo much? Was it out of fear? Was it because you think he’s going to leave you? That’s not a healthy relationship.
Nta and being honest you need to respect yourself way more. You care way too much about him and he doesn’t seem to care as much about you from the way he replied. You need to stand up for yourself, seriously. It only goes downhill from here.
NTA. He took a simple comment as you being critical and trying to one up him and you trying to make him feel bad that you get up with the baby. He is reading a lot into your comment that wasn’t there. Also sounds like he isn’t doing his fair share of getting up in the night with the baby.
You might want to rethink marrying this man. You might be better off as a single Mom than having to walk on eggshells with someone who is overly critical and isn’t pulling his weight.
NTA. Don’t apologize. If you’re getting up with the baby then he can STFU. Do not let him play victim here.
NAH
Newborns are incredibly tough. I’m not trying to glaze dads because moms almost always have the harder job. But dads are also at the very bottom of the hierarchy. Everyone (rightfully) asks how mom and baby are doing. Plus there’s this weird culture amongst many men to not seek each other out to vent and complain and get shit off of their chest. It’s possible (but still not ideal) that you’re the only person he feels like he can vent to. My partner and I had a lot of difficulty when our baby was really young and we were both super sleep deprived. It rarely felt like we were parenting together, but rather taking the baby in shifts to try to let the other sleep. I think he had every right to vent and complain during that time but sometimes it was really hard for me to hear.
You are definitely not the asshole but having gone through this myself pretty recently, I also can find some grace for a dad who is alongside you in the newborn trenches.
NAH You are both tired parents of a newborn. Give each other some grace. I can see how he might have perceived your interjection as a kind of one upmanship, intended to invalidate his exhaustion. And because he was exhausted, he didn’t react very well.
NTA. Why do you feel the need to apologize? Being parents to a newborn is one of the most exhausting thing to go through.
Nah newborns are so hard. It won’t last forever
The fact that you felt the need to immediately apologise multiple times suggests some there may be some pretty serious underlying issues in your relationship. Does he often make you feel like you need to apologise for things? Does he make you feel bad about yourself? Does he often make you set aside your needs for his?
NTA. Sounds like you’re taking care of two babies.
Tell your fiancé that you did not sign up for having two children and to please stop acting like one. NTA.
Girl. Stand your ground . If you don’t do it now he will always walk right over you and have no compassion for your struggles. Let him roll his eyes till they fall out and never apologize for stating that your stressed , or tired or overwhelmed etc. you need to prioritize yourself over everyone else right now … Your feelings and needs come first and you literally don’t owe anyone anything.
I don’t think you’re the asshole! And I’m sorry he got aggravated with you for agreeing with him, I understand he was probably just trying to vent and just wanted you to listen but you’re a parent too, you’re doing the same as him so why would you not also be tired? I don’t think it’s right for him to get angry at you for also being tired. I mean I’m assuming your a woman so you had the baby so if anything you should be a lot more tired after carrying a life for 9months and then having to wakeup in the middle of the night to care for them.
In the beginning, its easy to get angry and compare whos more tired. And if my husband said he was tired after I said I was, after having a baby, I’d be mad too. But why isn’t he getting up with the baby more? Yall gotta learn to share the duties.
I will say that that he does think about me…. but a lot of other times he doesn’t…we didnt know I could get pregnant after 15 years but now I think its miscommunication between the both of us. I’m incredibly hurt by what he said but he’s just trying to understand me as well (I hope) 😔 having a baby was a lot in our relationship, but how do we navigate our lives now? 🥺
NTA but y’all both need a nap.
It’s such an adjustment. Everyone is exhausted. Might help to have a conversation about what both of you need.
Sounds like you have two babies in your house. NTA!
NTA this man doesn’t like you
NTA.
Okay so ….so what if you were complaining that you were getting up with the baby and were super tired? That’s completely understandable, and you shouldn’t have to apologise for that. At all. Why are you apologising?
Why is he decidint whether you should contribute to the conversation or not? If he wanted to rant and not have anyone else’s feelings to come into the picture, he should found one of his friends and ranted.
Who rants to a woman who’s literally taking care of a baby? And then gets mad at her? She has gone through months of a difficult pregnancy and dealing with a baby. You can help, or keep quiet. It’s his baby too, how is he contributing here?
Even if we give him grace and say it’s okay for him to rant to his partner (who is also tired), he doesn’t get to be mad that you’re tired too! This isn’t the tired olympics and he isn’t getting the gold.
NTA you’re allowed to speak. It’s gross that he’s saying you shouldn’t have said anything.
NTAH, and this may be unpopular, but nobody is. This sounds like “the nothing fight”, all new parents have at least one. Basically, you’re both so exhausted and dis-regulated that you’re literally fighting mad about something unimportant, and for some reason it’s usually about how tired you are. If he’s not normally like this, give him the benefit of the doubt. (I was warned during pregnancy that we’d likely have a 3am fight about how tired we are, and I’m pretty sure the warning saved our marriage). Hopefully you both get some sleep soon. Good luck!
You literally birthed an entire human. I favor mothers in these circumstances so incredibly much and I won’t apologize for it. He shouldn’t have gotten so defensive and weird about what you said
NTA – but saying you are tired too may have come across as insensitive or invalidating, especially to someone who is tired and probably just looking to be comforted. Basically, he wanted to be heard and instead you made it about you. Many people don’t realize the impact that the “I am/have X too” statement can have, even if small and even if their intentions are good (e.g. to show them that you understand). So next time, perhaps just listen, validate, and comfort him. And then he may do the same for you.
You’re both tired, and fuses are short.
NTA he was tired and grumpy.
If the baby has good, doting grandparents, ask them for help. Maybe take the baby for a few hours so you can nap and recharge. No sleep will make you all cranky. Your fiance is an ass. You just gave birth. Doesn’t he know that your body is still recuperating from the trauma of actually bringing out another human being? You need TLC girl, not this guilt tripping nonsense from him. Explain that to him. I saw once a husband who told his wife, “your job is done giving birth to our kid, let me take it from here.” Don’t you just love guys like that? When I gave birth, when we got home, my husband hugged me and actually said ‘Thank you for giving birth to my daughter.’ Your ‘fiance’ needs to thank you and show you some appreciation. If not, maybe think about if you really want to marry that guy.
You’re already off to a bad start. Leave the baby with him and RUN
he feels guilty, so is overreacting. does he have anything to feel guilty about? or has he been involved enough?
Exactly why are you apologizing? You are NTA, your fiance is, and since he is still only your fiance, please Do Not marry him even though you have his child. If he’s going to act this way now, he’ll not not improve after marriage. He has shown you who he is. You should not have to apologize like you did, and that’s no way to live as a wife.
NAH
But it will feel like ESH (except the baby, maybe sometimes the baby). Hope you get an extra hour or two soon ❤️