We’ve (21F 25M) been exclusive but not dating for about 4 months now. He was open from the very start that he was focusing on grad school and on himself right now, and was okay pursuing a connection but couldn’t handle a serious relationship. We’ve had talks a couple times about how I want a relationship, but he doesn’t want to change anything with us until he’s ready. He’s a great guy, is extremely caring and gentle with me, and is always supportive of me. Here’s where the issue starts. I get attached quickly, and I fall in love quickly. I think I’m starting to love him. But he reiterated last night that he’s focused on school right now, not a relationship. But we sleep together (literally, and sexually), call each other pet names, and give each other poems and gifts. I’m honestly very happy with him, but it kills me that he isn’t mine. I feel like I’m getting too attached too fast, whereas he’s still taking it slow and being intentional about it. Is there some way for me to stop caring SO much? It would be easier if we were “friends” and weren’t basically acting like we’re together, just missing the label. Some advice would be appreciated. Everything is great with us, outside of the fact that I want to be official, whereas he doesn’t want to commit to anything yet. (Various situations going on currently that make him not confident/not comfortable being in a relationship yet)
TL;DR I’ve become really attached to my unofficial relationship
Comments
Exclusive unofficial relationships confuse me.
If you don’t like the situation, leave. Sticking around hoping things will change will make you miserable.
Ughhhh tale as old as time. Guys mean what they say, so believe him he says he doesn’t want a long term relationship (despite his actions).
He’s stringing you along: he wants the comfort of a relationship without the commitment so he can leave his options open and justify any shitty behaviour with “well, we were never official.”
Honestly I would end it. These guys just waste your time, love, energy, and youth. Find someone else who values you and meets you where you’re at. You deserve someone so much better.
It sounds like he’s quite clear on how he feels & what he wants. I’m not sure what you’re asking us.
Of course you can’t turn your feelings on & off like a faucet. If you’re feeling that vulnerable, quit being intimate with him.
I think you have two options: continue with the status quo & accept the situation as it is; or end it & find someone open to the type of relationship you want.
Take him at his word. Enjoy as is or leave. You already have the answer.