We have been dating for almost a year and a half now. Lots of growth in this relationship had happened where we have fought to make each other understood, and he has learned to let me have my independence. He’s calling me a scrudge because I don’t really believe in these recent holidays, or obligatory posting to have other people view and perceive you. I think that besides valentines day, these girlfriend and boyfriend days have recently become popular due to social media, but it’s nice to do something good for your partner, I just dont think it needs to be over the top. Especially as a broke college student.
Backstory as to why I need advice, every single event where I have had my special day, it has ended up in him screwing up. One of which was my birthday. And most recent on girlfriends day where he did nothing special for me, but even broke up with me leaving me in tears in a foreign state which we were vacationing together on. On regular things, he gets me flowers, and takes me on dates at least once a month.
Last night he was sick and today he told me he didn’t feel good. Given today was boyfriend’s day and he was at work, I was also working until around 6 I could order us some sushi, he could pick it up on the way to my house. I recommended him a movie I said I could rent out and we can have a movie night. He didnt like my choice and so I told him to choose one, but he was on his phone. I turned on a show instead and he wasn’t really talking to me. We finished a movie we had started watching another time, and because we both had work in the morning we wrapped things up for the night. We also were together last night and he slept over.
Before he left he was complaining that I don’t make him feel special and he thinks I did this tonight to him as pay-back for the girlfriends day I had. That other girlfriends were posting, going out, and saying sweet things and I acted like I didnt care. He thinks that resentment and victimization over the past is getting in the way of me doing nice things for him.
How am I supposed to approach this? Do I apologize or stick my ground.
tl;dr –> my boyfriend is mad I didn’t do much for boyfriends day, but he didn’t do anything special and made me feel like sh*t on girlfriends day. Am I letting resentment getting in the way of seeing I don’t try enough?
Comments
You could tell him to acknowledge your past feelings and work on rebuilding trust so you both can find a way to celebrate that feels genuine and meaningful to both of you
I have never been a fan of obligatory dates or celebrations that have nothing to do with me or the relationship I’m in. Anniversaries and celebrations of accomplishments is another story. I would just be upfront with him. Tell him that you don’t value these specific dates nor will you feel pressured to give gifts based on these dates or occasions. If he can’t feel special without you running to social media and posting about him, he needs to find a girl who does that if it isn’t you.