Just got broken up with (queer relationship), and it was right after coming home from an overnight shift. Further, it was the day after my birthday, and she made a huge deal of celebrating my birthday.
The next day I wake up to get ready for work and she has the gloomy face ready. I keep asking what’s wrong even as I go off to work, and can feel that it’s a break up coming. I get home from work and she says she’s felt for three weeks that she’s not happy.
I’m upset that it’s been three weeks, and feel led on in a way because of the way she did it right after my birthday. I know there’s no right way to do it, but it feels back and forth emotionally. In my head I’m processing this as she’s been prepared for this for three weeks, and I’m having to go with the flow of my emotions to the situation as it comes.
She had her parents come get her stuff. Our history there is that her father threatened me when he learned I was with his daughter, just because of the gay aspect. I said I don’t want her parents inside my apartment, and we began arguing and I piled her stuff, including a desk and a makeup mirror out by her car. She came back to get a few loose things and said how that’s abuse.
I’m not excusing my actions at all. I have been acting emotionally, but not being aggressive at all. She said that in regard to me piling her belongings outside for her parents to pack in their car. Am I the asshole?
I’d love any feedback and advice to help get through this. I want to know how to be better and recognize what I’m doing wrong too.
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Just got broken up with (queer relationship), and it was right after coming home from an overnight shift. Further, it was the day after my birthday, and she made a huge deal of celebrating my birthday.
The next day I wake up to get ready for work and she has the gloomy face ready. I keep asking what’s wrong even as I go off to work, and can feel that it’s a break up coming. I get home from work and she says she’s felt for three weeks that she’s not happy.
I’m upset that it’s been three weeks, and feel led on in a way because of the way she did it right after my birthday. I know there’s no right way to do it, but it feels back and forth emotionally. In my head I’m processing this as she’s been prepared for this for three weeks, and I’m having to go with the flow of my emotions to the situation as it comes.
She had her parents come get her stuff. Our history there is that her father threatened me when he learned I was with his daughter, just because of the gay aspect. I said I don’t want her parents inside my apartment, and we began arguing and I piled her stuff, including a desk and a makeup mirror out by her car. She came back to get a few loose things and said how that’s abuse.
I’m not excusing my actions at all. I have been acting emotionally, but not being aggressive at all. She said that in regard to me piling her belongings outside for her parents to pack in their car. Am I the asshole?
I’d love any feedback and advice to help get through this. I want to know how to be better and recognize what I’m doing wrong too.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for throwing my exes belongings outside for her parents to pick up? I ask because she said that is abusive
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, I would not want her father up in my grill either!
Nope! Her parents have no business in your apartment! She could have packed her own stuff. NTA
Abuse? She broke up with you and she wants her father, a person who threatened you, allowed in your home?
Nope.
NTA
She broke up with you but was upset that you removed her belongings from your house? NTA
NTA… absolutely not! Your ex is actually mentally disturbed if she thinks your dad has any right to come into your home after how hes acted. I know it hurts but with how careless and catty she’s being it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Piling stuff outside where it can be stolen, shat on by birds, and stared at by passers-by is an asshole move. At the minor end of the scale if you did it with coordinated timing so it wouldn’t be there long.
Not wanting her parents in your apartment is not an asshole move.
The right thing to do was arrange a third party for the collection – a pretty common move a generation ago.
Overall, I’d settle on NTA because irrational behaviour is to be expected immediately post-break up.
Even if you put all her shit in the yard and lit it on fire, I wouldn’t necessarily call that “abusive.” If she had three weeks to “be unhappy” and plot to break up after theatrics on ur birthday, she had time to pack her own shit. Especially if you work at different times. You protected yourself from a potentially extremely negative interaction with someone who outright expressed extreme dislike for you. Good on you for that.
NTA
You didn’t want homophobic people in your space. Totally fair. Calling that abuse is dramatic.
NTA. It’s not abusive ffs. Of course you’d not want her homophobic dad in your home. At least now you know she wasn’t really all that caring about you anyway. If she was she’d have not expected you to let her homophobic father into your home in order to protect you from that, broken up or not. You don’t put someone you cared about into that position. Heal over the next couple weeks. Then go out to a great Halloween party at one of your local gay bars, dance her right out of your head and have a blast.
In no way shape or form are you the ah
NTA if her parents threatened you then all is fair jist dump her crap near her car like you did.
If she did not have a proper exit plan that is not your fault
NTA. What’s abusive is knowing they want to break up for weeks and waiting until the day after your birthday then crying that you put their stuff out.
Your ex did you a favour by calling things off. Count your blessings!
You did your ex a favour by moving her stuff a little closer to her new home. Nice!
NTA
NTA – how is it abuse ?
NTA.
Obviously NTA
I wouldn’t let him (or anyone that threatened me) on my property, let alone inside my house. GTOH.