About six months into dating, my ex told me her kids’ dad was visiting from out of town for their daughter’s birthday. I didn’t think much of it because I don’t ever want to voluntarily deal with a woman who has a toxic co-parenting relationship, but she mentioned they were renting an Airbnb together which felt a little weird. We eventually argued about her not texting me hardly at all during this and didn’t speak for a month, she did not wish me a happy birthday during this time and that was that. The kicker is, sometimes she reaches out and she’s surprisingly self-aware. Rarely, I reach out first but I’m always shocked when she replies. When my mom died last August, she told me she loved me and she’d never said that to me before…but she ghosted me like 2-3 days later.
So we reconnect every few months. Almost same story just in terms of her constantly ghosting me. But im so confused because she says she loves me and thinks about me all the time. It’s weird because I’ve been divorced for the last 2 years to a woman I was with for 5 years so I’m not naive to trauma bonds, etc…..and most of me feels like we’re meant to be, but her communication is terrible.
She seems emotionally unavailable but I might be missing something. I want to both try again and finally let this go. And so terribly confused why she chose that moment to say she loved me. Surely she must if she chose that moment.
TL;DR:
Ex told me she loved me when my mom died, then disappeared. We keep reconnecting every few months. Ideal next steps?
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Trust actions not words. She doesn’t give a shit.
Stop wasting your time on her.
She’s dangling you as a backup plan. Stop letting her do that.
Stop doing this to yourself. You need to go NC for your mental health
Dismissive avoidant trap
She is obviously not into you and is likely still sleeping with her ex. You are the backup plan when she needs validation. You can and will do better.
For a 30 yo mother this is not mature behavior. Your feelings aren’t taken into account and you don’t receive any stability or predictability.
Me checking in with my ex into an Airbnb could be okay for the occasion, but only if I’m aware of my partners feelings and reassure him and keep in touch.
I think you actually know that this isn’t what you want or deserve. But it’s so harsh to leave something that’s never really been anything you believe it could have been.