I (25F) have a solid group of friends and a pretty active social life. My husband (25M) doesn’t really have many friends, and he rarely hangs out with the ones he does have. I invite him to join me and my friends fairly often, not all the time, but regularly, because I want him to feel included.
Last night I went to a party with my friends, it was Taylor Swift-themed. I had so much fun, but when he came to pick me up afterwards he gave me attitude. He basically ruined my mood because «he was bored the whole night.»
He complains about never having time for himself, and when he gets it… that’s wrong too?
He then claims it’s my fault he doesn’t have a social life. Apparently this goes back to one single time that happened years ago when I came along for a beer with his friends. The only person there was the host… we stayed for a bit and then left, because he seemed tired.
Since then he claims I’m the reason he won’t get invited to things. I’ve gone out of my way to get to know his friends, I’ve invited them to parties and to his birthdays multiple times. He never initiates anything with them, and it’s still MY fault?!
So… AITA for being upset that my husband ruined my night because he’s mad about not having a social life?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (25F) have a solid group of friends and a pretty active social life. My husband (25M) doesn’t really have many friends, and he rarely hangs out with the ones he does have. I invite him to join me and my friends fairly often, not all the time, but regularly, because I want him to feel included.
Last night I went to a party with my friends, it was Taylor Swift-themed. I had so much fun, but when he came to pick me up afterwards he gave me attitude. He basically ruined my mood because «he was bored the whole night.»
He complains about never having time for himself, and when he gets it… that’s wrong too?
He then claims it’s my fault he doesn’t have a social life. Apparently this goes back to one single time that happened years ago when I came along for a beer with his friends. The only person there was the host… we stayed for a bit and then left, because he seemed tired.
Since then he claims I’m the reason he won’t get invited to things. I’ve gone out of my way to get to know his friends, I’ve invited them to parties and to his birthdays multiple times. He never initiates anything with them, and it’s still MY fault?!
So… AITA for being upset that my husband ruined my night because he’s mad about not having a social life?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was only having fun with my friends, and my actions was reacting to my husband being mad that I had a social life and not him.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but it doesn’t matter because your husband is convinced everything is your fault. It’s not uncommon with shitty men.
NTA, bro is in his feelings and lashing out instead of taking initiative.
NTA
My ex-husband that behaved this way. The only socializing we did as a couple was with MY family or MY friends. He never arranged anything with his family or friends. We had traveled in the same social circle for years prior to our relationship, and we rarely even spent time with mutual friends/acquaintances.
He would get mad at me if I made plans with my friends or family that didn’t include him. It was exhausting feeling like I was responsible for his social life & one of the many things that drove a wedge between us.
I’d say think of anything else on top of this that happens and if there is maybe reconsider your relationship
You married this guy?
You’re TA…. To yourself.
You need deep therapy to learn why you normalize being treated shittily and how to recognize toxic people.
I think there’s more to the story here something else happened that night u went out with his friends I have a feeling u might actually be the one who isolated him
NTA at all. Your husband is being an asshole. This sounds like a tiresome patten. You deserve your social life and fun. He just wants to ruin your fun.
What happens is you ignore his surliness and just wax on about your evening?
Have you considered therapy?
Your husband is immature & antisocial. Don’t engage at all when he starts with the whining.
Hon, you are very young. Do you really want this to be your life for the 60+ years? Because that’s your future unless he takes responsibility for his own self (when pigs fly) or you decide you’ve had enough.
Why not start over & find a grown man who actually likes people?
He sounds …. Like a narcissist. Yes I know… a bit much but very subtle and very true. Blames you for HIS shortcomings ✅ ruins the night bc you’re obviously having fun ✅ complains about needs you’re actively trying to meet but nothing is ever good enough ✅
This is Reddit so of course the answer is: divorce him girl.
He definitely needs help with his situation. He should get a bit of therapy. Yes, that’s my suggestion. I had no friends outside of work and did nothing for years. At his age if he is grinding to provide for the present and future, he will deprioritize friendships.
A therapist helped me understand what was wrong was that I needed to seek out a male friend. Now I have one best friend and the couples do everything together. It’s enough of an outlet that there is no resentment if my partner has a stronger social life.
Wait until you have a child and the tables turn. Seek help now. Not a lawyer.
Why are you still with such a negative person.Life is to short.Wake him up and Tell him he is a loving husband but for Gods sake wake and enjoy the gift of life.Tell him not to mope around and enjoy himself,You love him but he needs to shake out this sense of gloom or he will drag you down with him
Nta you married him.. was it because you were in desperate need of a relationship? Seriously why would you marry someone who treats you this way? Consider your options before having children with him it’ll only get worse
The reason he doesn’t get invited to outing is his lack of interest in anyone but himself .Your life make a choice Wake him up from this depressing attitude or Sorry to say Move on
INFO: how often do you participate in activities that your partner enjoys? Surely he has hobbies. Do you ever show an interest in those, even if they aren’t a thing that you would choose to do otherwise?
NTA but your husband sounds like a piece of work
NTA. Your husband doesn’t have a social life because he doesn’t make the effort, not because you once went for a beer years ago. You’re not his mom, his cruise director, or his scapegoat. It’s on him to make friends, not ruin your night because he’s bored.