Feeling devastated bcs my boyfriend does not seem to care

Hi everyone, I’m a F25 and my boyfriend is a M26. We’ve been in a relationship for eight years.

We recently had a fight over something very silly. (It feels like the worst one we ever had) I was feeling a bit needy that day and told him, “Tell me that you love me.” He did, but not in the cozy way I wanted. I complained, and he got mad. I got mad too, thinking, is it that much to ask?

Half an hour later, I realized this wasn’t worth fighting over, so I texted him to talk it out. He said he was too tired to talk and went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because I have this problem where, if something is wrong, I need to solve it right away or I get devastated. I overthink everything, and he knows this about me. Later that night, I texted him again, “I’m not feeling okay, talk to me.” But by then he was asleep.

It’s now been two days, and he hasn’t texted me or asked how I am. Meanwhile, I’ve been crying myself to sleep, completely devastated. I used to wake up at 8 and focus on my studies (my exams are in a month) but rn my life feels upside down. Last night, I missed him so much I cried for two hours straight. I even called him six times, but his phone was on silent. In the morning, he saw my messages and simply replied “yes” when I asked if everything was okay. He didn’t ask how I was doing or even acknowledge my missed calls. (It was 7 in the morning, he knew i have not slept all night. He did not bother to ask me back if i am okay even when i was online)

What hurts even more is that he seems completely fine. He has a proper routine—sleeping well, living his day normally, doing everything without a pause. It feels like my absence means nothing to him, like this fight and my pain don’t matter at all. While I’m crying and breaking down, his life continues as if I’m nothing in it.

This isn’t the first time. Every fight plays out this way. If I complain about something, he gets angry and says I don’t trust his love. Then he ignores me for days—sometimes three or four, sometimes a week—until I beg him to talk. I’ve begged him so many times just to sit down and talk, because I believe it’s natural to fight and then work it out. But for him, it’s like distance is the only way.

I’ve even posted here before, and people told me we just have different patterns—he needs space, while I need to talk it out. But after so many years, he knows how badly I overthink and how much I cry myself to sleep when things go wrong. He knows how devastated I get, yet he doesn’t check in on me.

Here’s the thing: I am the most indifferent person I know. With others, if you don’t want to talk to me, I don’t care—I’ll walk away. I only act this way with him because I truly love him. The way he behaves—distant, careless, cold—that’s how I would act toward someone I don’t give a damn about, someone I’m fed up with. I could never behave that way with him.

And honestly, no matter how different your coping patterns are, no matter how mad you are—if you truly love and care about someone, it’s natural to worry about them, to miss them, to want to check in. It’s been two days and I don’t see any of that from him.

Sometimes he tries to talk after I push him, but it makes me feel foolish for expecting him to care. I keep thinking: maybe he never cared as much as I believed. Because if he really did, how could he sleep peacefully, follow his routine, and not worry about me at all?

All these times i have been the one to initiate the ‘lets talk it out’ thing. This time i wanted him to do it. But since i did not text, he did not either. Sometimes i think i should text him resolve this (since it hurts so much) but then i think i should just let it fall wherever it does this time around.

I’m trying to face the possibility that he doesn’t love me the way I love him. But every time I think about it, my heart shatters into a million pieces. In the past, I would push him until he said something that calmed me down, but now I’m realizing maybe that was just me telling him what to do so I could feel okay. Right now, I want the same thing—I want something from him that will ease this feeling—but I can’t escape the thought that maybe he just doesn’t care.

I don’t know how to handle this. I feel broken and devastated. Tell me how to move forward in this relationship?

TLDR: Been with my boyfriend (26M) for 8 years. After a silly fight, he shut me out and hasn’t checked on me in 2 days. I’ve been crying, losing sleep, while he’s fine—following his routine, unaffected. This always happens: I reach out, he ignores me for days until I beg. But this time feels different. I can’t accept that someone who loves me wouldn’t worry at all. I’m starting to believe he doesn’t care, and it’s devastating.