TL;DR I (22F) have been masturbating since I was about 13 years old. Over time, I’ve had problems with orgasming. I believe my clit has gotten desensitized from the rose heavily for 9 years. My bf (M22) believes that doesn’t do things rights to make me cum and he truly he just can’t make me cum. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that it’s not him at all. He wants to stop having sex because he can’t make me cum. I believe orgasms shouldn’t determine if we have sex or not.
I’ve been trying to get a gyne appointment for a while now so I can get checked out. Now he’s saying that he wants to stop having sex because of this problem. What should I do? I’m so conflicted because I can’t control how sensitive my clit is. I feel like i’m being punished for something my younger self did. Please lend me some advice! I don’t want to lose him.
Comments
This is a “him” problem and a maturity one at that.
Most women don’t cum via penetrative sex. And I think he’s missed that memo. Does that mean those women shouldn’t have sex? Ofc not.
Assuming the sex is good for you and enjoyable and not uncomfortable, and you want it, that should be good enough reasons have sex.
It also sounds like his ego is damaged because he can’t make you cum via sex. Dude needs to grow up a bit imo
If he can’t grow up and recognize this is a him problem, I’d leave. Sorry for the Reddit answer.
Let me repeat it back what you said.
You seem to have a consistent, reliable way to achieve orgasms. It’s unclear to me why you don’t want to use that during couple time.
He indeed isn’t doing the right thing to make you orgasm. The rose will do it, but for whatever reason one of you aren’t willing to use it. Your clit isn’t ‘desensitised’, you have found a trick that works for you reliably.
Now, he’s entitled to not want to have sex for any reason. And he’s not feeling like he’s giving you enough pleasure, and it feels unbalanced.
Let him use toys on you to make you cum. Simple.
The fact that you’re going to the obgyn for him and not yourself is the problem. If you want to have orgasms then it’s a problem you should solve. If you don’t care, then it’s not a problem. He’s an immature little shit who can’t get over the fact he isn’t a good performer. I’m glad you don’t fake it and placate his very fragile little ego. Fuck him, break up with him and find someone who will go to pound town and try harder as a challenge than give up and blame you.
Why aren’t you both using the rose while you have sex? If that’s how you orgasm, that’s how you orgasm. It doesn’t have to be a big deal and the tool is accessible to him as well.
I’m 40 and can count on one hand how many times I’ve orgasmed with a partner. You know what my new guy says about it? “Give me time, it’ll happen.” He sees it as a fun challenge, not a frustration, not a hindrance. Imo, find yourself a man who actually likes pleasuring women, not just “finishing the job”. It’s about the journey, ya know?
Also, ask your doc about possible pelvic floor dysfunction.