I am a 31F and husband is 33M. We have been together 10 years. We have two children a 3 year old daughter and 1 year old daughter. I am 9 months pregnant with our 3rd child scheduled to give birth in 10 days or less.
A couple weeks ago I communicated to my husband how stressed out I am about getting everything ready for baby. Need to do car seat, clothes, wash swing, get the house cleaned (with two toddlers this is nearly impossible 🙂 etc… he has not helped with a single thing still. Fast forward to this weekend. His parents offered to take the girls for a few hours. So I said perfect let’s spend some time knocking things off the to do list and then we can go on a date. My husband did not like that. He doesn’t want to waste child free time cleaning.
I don’t get much child free time ever, working a full time job until I give birth, and am running out of time before the baby gets here so I was very firm and said I am going to do some cleaning first then we can go on date. Plenty of time to do both. They were going to take the girls for like 5 hours.
The day comes. His parents pick up the girls and he’s not even home, he is at the gym. I start cleaning.
When he gets home and sees that I am cleaning and that he is going to have to wait to go on the date he loses his mind. I’m thinking in my head if you just offered to help me we could get this stuff done 2x faster and go on the date sooner but that’s not how his brain works. Anyways he’s yelling at me and calling me an asshole etc… but I stand my ground and say I am doing a little cleaning first then we can go.
He then proceeds to dump an entire full trash can across 3 rooms in our house making an absolute mess and then takes off leaving me to clean it all up on top of the cleaning I was already trying to do. All while 9 months pregnant…
He does not come home for hours. When he gets home I explain that this behavior was unacceptable and I did not deserve this, especially 10 days before I give birth. If anything he should be helping me prepare for baby not doing things to make my life even harder. He refuses to apologize and says I’m the bad guy for ruining the date day by cleaning.
How can I get my husband to see how hurtful his behavior is? This situation seems pretty straightforward to me that what he did is not okay. How can I get him to be reasonable and understand it’s not okay to treat me that way?
Thanks!
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should have left him when he cheated 2 years ago. give up on trying to teach an abuser that he’s hurt you, he knows.
How can I get my husband to see how hurtful his behavior is?
you cant, you picked the wrong man to father your kids
Don’t clean up the mess.Take the kids and leave his ass. And tell his mom what he did.
Your life will never be peaceful as long as you live with a man who hates you. Your kids deserve better than to grow up witnessing this relationship and then repeating it themselves. It will break your heart when your daughter tells you how her husband treats her. You’ll wish you had left.
Doesn’t sound like a healthy or loving relationship here.
Who needs an extra toddler?
Can’t make an unreasonable person reasonable. Have to decide if you want to live a life where his bad behavior will always be your fault. I’m sorry that this is your case and wish you the best for your delivery.
This man is a jerk. There’s no excuse. He’s a big baby.
There’s no way he doesn’t know that this was hurtful. He did this intentionally to hurt your and waste your time. In his head, this was his “UNO reverse” card he played at you.
You need to see that you’re partnered to someone who wanted to hurt you, and sees no problems with doing so. Traditional advice (well, beyond “leave him”) simply isn’t useful to you because you’re not in a traditional relationship.
Everyday on here I am appalled at the kinda men there is out there. Which kinda nonsense is this ? This man belongs right in the trash can 🚮🗑️😡😡😡
Girl he had an emotional affair on you the last time you were pregnant, and he’s now behaving in an abusive manner because he’s apparently an overgrown toddler who’s got no emotional regulation. You should be out that door and not looking back, not wasting valuable time and oxygen explaining why his behaviour is toxic.
If he doesn’t already know, you can’t tell him.
Your husband had an emotional affair, doesn’t help around the house, is an abusive asshole, and you’re sticking around giving him more children to terrorize and screw up because…? Those poor kids. My goodness, prioritize them and start figuring out how to leave this (pathetic excuse for a) man.
He understands that it’s not reasonable and not okay, whatever thing he rages about next. Thats why he does it. He likes the fear and uncertainty it instills. You can’t reason with abuse.
Leave. This person clearly doesn’t care for you, your health or his kid’s health. In any way. Please leave and save yourself the headache. He’s clearly just another child to take care of and isn’t mature enough to handle life.
It’s 2025, why are women still putting up with this shit?
You don’t need to explain anything to him
He understands perfectly well how his actions impact you. That’s the point. He did it deliberately to hurt and punish you. He is abusive. I know this is a difficult time for you, but please consider forming a plan to leave. He is not a good or safe person to be around and those children don’t deserve to grow up around that kind of vile behavior (you don’t deserve it either).
Wow, just wtf….
i mean this in the kindest way possible but you seriously need some self-respect. this man is treating you like the garbage he threw across your entire house and you’re just letting him. there is no way to communicate with someone like this. the only thing you should do is leave.
Why are you having a third child with this man? Especially since you already have three toddlers in the house?
Sorry but you have a serious husband problem and as long as you keep picking up his slack it won’t change – if ever. The best you can do is put some of his clothes in a bag and tell him to go to a hotel / his parents / friends and not to come back until he is ready to pick up at least his 50 % of household chores and child rearing responsibilities. You are better off with the 3 kids alone and not have to work around the tandrums of this manchild.