For context, my dad passed away when I was 16, I’m now 23. Me and my dad were so so close. He has 3 nieces (my cousins) who he was also close to but since he died they only ever messaged me if they wanted something (usually money wise). I ended up falling out with the niece he was closest to because she kept posting things about how he’s a dad to her (she has her own dad in her life) and never acknowledging how I’m feeling as his only child and also the fact she also hasn’t bothered with me or my kids. She begged for his table when he passed away because she said how they used to sit round it and how it means so much to her and then a few weeks after he passed she sold it for £15. There is no respect there. Anyway, she ended up blocking me and I blocked her back. Haven’t spoke in years. Her sister (my dad’s other niece) who also has barely spoke to me since my dad died messaged me today asking to have some of my dad’s ashes to split between the three of them. She made a comment saying “I want some ashes to give to MY family” (like I’m not related to them) and also said “I didn’t want to ask whilst you was grieving” like I’m not still grieving the loss of my dad!
I haven’t replied yet, I want to say no, she wants me to send them in the post which I also don’t trust.
AITA if I don’t send them any ashes?
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For context, my dad passed away when I was 16, I’m now 23. Me and my dad were so so close. He has 3 nieces (my cousins) who he was also close to but since he died they only ever messaged me if they wanted something (usually money wise). I ended up falling out with the niece he was closest to because she kept posting things about how he’s a dad to her (she has her own dad in her life) and never acknowledging how I’m feeling as his only child and also the fact she also hasn’t bothered with me or my kids. She begged for his table when he passed away because she said how they used to sit round it and how it means so much to her and then a few weeks after he passed she sold it for £15. There is no respect there. Anyway, she ended up blocking me and I blocked her back. Haven’t spoke in years. Her sister (my dad’s other niece) who also has barely spoke to me since my dad died messaged me today asking to have some of my dad’s ashes to split between the three of them. She made a comment saying “I want some ashes to give to MY family” (like I’m not related to them) and also said “I didn’t want to ask whilst you was grieving” like I’m not still grieving the loss of my dad!
I haven’t replied yet, I want to say no, she wants me to send them in the post which I also don’t trust.
AITA if I don’t send them any ashes?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Choosing not to share my dad’s ashes , 2. Because the other people that want his ashes were close with him too
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA! He’s your dad, and they’ve already proven they aren’t really family, despite blood, by selling his table and not once reaching out to see how you were doing. I don’t think there’s much they can do with some ashes, but mailing a dime bag of them seems absolutely absurd to me.
NTA. They are not entitled, and you don’t have to engage at all.
Ask her if she intends to sell them like she did with his table she so desperately needed.
NTA and tell her f all the way off.
YWNBTA. That’s the most inappropriate and disrespectful request from a raging asshole that I have read this week.
>she wants me to send them in the post
I can’t tell you how tempted I would be to mail her a small vial of ashes from my charcoal grill. Not that I would, but I would want to.
NTA. You are his next of kin. They are extended family. They deserve nothing. This is a power play.
NTA. Tell them “No”, and stick to it. Maybe it’ll drive a permanent wedge between all of you, which really seems like the best.
NTA, send these “nice ladies” some other ash… they won’t know the difference… 😉
I’d ask who she thinks will buy them?
I really wouldn’t bother replying.
But the simple answer if you do is no.
NTA