I (F) am not a drinker I probably have 3 drinks a month, by choice it’s just not something I want to spend my money on or waste sugar ( I’m diabetic). I don’t need to have drinks to have a good time and I don’t care if people drink around me. If I want a drink I’ll have one if I don’t I won’t.
Two of my friends ( F) go to a local bar by their apartment really often, probably 4-5 times a week and each time they will get a drink. We’ve been there to study and do homework or to just chitchat. We been there so much we know the owner and bartenders and they will give us, mainly them, free drinks a lot.
I’ve bought food from the bar and have had drinks too but over the bar itself is not my vibe and when I am invited to hang there with them I don’t drink just get water.
Yesterday they told me to come out with them but I need to buy a drink because the bartenders are “ annoyed” that I don’t buy drinks and that I just sit there and talk to my friends. They both said I NEED to buy drink because it’s “showing respect “ to the bartenders and their jobs.
I expressed that I not going to be made to feel bad for not buying drinks and I’m not obliged todo so If that’s not what I want todo. If it was an issue they should speak to me about it. Again we are going pretty often in the peak times 4 times a week. On top of that I don’t appreciate that they are allowing the bartenders to talk bad about me when I’m not there.
Am I the issue, should I be buying a drink every time I go ? Also they aren’t willing to go and try new bars and find one that I like so why should I spend money at a place I frankly don’t like.
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I (F) am not a drinker I probably have 3 drinks a month, by choice it’s just not something I want to spend my money on or waste sugar ( I’m diabetic). I don’t need to have drinks to have a good time and I don’t care if people drink around me. If I want a drink I’ll have one if I don’t I won’t.
Two of my friends ( F) go to a local bar by their apartment really often, probably 4-5 times a week and each time they will get a drink. We’ve been there to study and do homework or to just chitchat. We been there so much we know the owner and bartenders and they will give us, mainly them, free drinks a lot.
I’ve bought food from the bar and have had drinks too but over the bar itself is not my vibe and when I am invited to hang there with them I don’t drink just get water.
Yesterday they told me to come out with them but I need to buy a drink because the bartenders are “ annoyed” that I don’t buy drinks and that I just sit there and talk to my friends. They both said I NEED to buy drink because it’s “showing respect “ to the bartenders and their jobs.
I expressed that I not going to be made to feel bad for not buying drinks and I’m not obliged todo so If that’s not what I want todo. If it was an issue they should speak to me about it. Again we are going pretty often in the peak times 4 times a week. On top of that I don’t appreciate that they are allowing the bartenders to talk bad about me when I’m not there.
Am I the issue, should I be buying a drink every time I go ? Also they aren’t willing to go and try new bars and find one that I like so why should I spend money at a place I frankly don’t like.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I frequently go to a bar with friends and don’t buy anything. 2 my friends say I should be buying a drink but I rather not go then spend money there.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
The bartenders and staff are having to serve you but are not making any money off water, so it’s a soft ESH. You should at least buy a Diet Coke.
Your friends are using manipulation tactics to guilt you into consuming the devils nector.
So if the bartenders are actually irritated it would have more to do with a tip than what you are drinking. Order a diet soda and top them and see if it helps. or get better friends. that is absurd that they would care more about that then about you.
Ask the bartender. If you aren’t allowed unless you purchase a drink. Is it purchase a drink or anything? In the end, don’t go if it’s just not your vibe. You should never have to impress anyone, not even what sounds like ‘fake friends’
NTA.
Bartenders don’t care if you don’t order a drink. There are many people who don’t drink alcohol for many different reasons. You don’t have to explain yourself you anyone.
Buy a diet soda
NTA
You’re always with paying customers. You’re buying food and sometimes buy drinks.
I do think it’s polite to purchase something if you’re going to sit somewhere for a while, especially at peak times. If you’re not buying food every visit, a sugar free soft drink would suffice.
Soft ESH. It is considered rude to go to a bar/restaurant and not purchase anything. Although it doesn’t necessarily have to be alcohol.
NTA for not drinking alcohol, but YTA for sitting there to do homework and chitchat with nothing but a water. If you’re going to take up their seats for a prolonged period of time, etiquette says you should be a paying customer: order a seltzer, a diet soda, an iced tea, an appetizer…something that you pay for. If you don’t want to hang out there, don’t hang out there. But don’t go and take up a chair that paying customers could use, just so you can sip a free water and be miserable about it. You hate this place but you go sit there 4-5 nights a week anyway? This sounds like a lose-lose.
YTA. Bars are businesses, and are in the business of selling drinks and food. That’s how they survive and pay for employees, lights, insurance, etc. If you’re not at least buying a soft drink or food each time you’re there, you’re a liability instead of a good customer.
Do you tip on the water? A dollar or 2?
It’s not the library.
NTA. When I bartended, it was pretty common to have a person in the group just getting water or soda 🤷🏻♀️
It never bothered me, and it was cool when the water drinker would tip me a few bucks for keeping them topped up, but it was never expected.
NTA
I love this ideology, screw designated drivers eh?
INFO: how much are you tipping? You don’t need to buy alcohol, but if you sit at the bar for hours and drink tap water and tip a dollar or two, YTA. If your friends buys drinks and end up tipping $20, then tip $20 on your water.
Kinda, yeah. There’s not like a law requiring you to have alcohol in any of the drinks and most bartenders understand and support those who don’t want the alcohol. Many bars will just comp non alcoholic drinks, especially if you’re a designated driver.
The bartender absolutely did not say that, they do not care. Your friends made that up to try to pressure you to drink.
I don’t think you’re an AH but you’re rude. Routinely going to a bar just for a bartender to keep refilling your water is a rude move. You’re routinely going there to take over a spot, whether just hanging out or studying. It’s a business. Bartenders earn majority of their income on tips. At least match your friends’ purchases. They buy a round, you order wings. They buy another, you order fries.
YTA. Buy a soft drink.
Yes, YTA. You can buy a coke, or seltzer water. Or a snack.. But buy something.