So I’m F(24) my boyfriend is M(25) we have been dating for 6 months and he was at work when one of my friends “willow” texts me basically telling me that my boyfriend “Jake” was telling her about another woman. Jake has been hanging out with a girl “Susie” for a while Susie has a boyfriend and has had a boyfriend for 2 years. Willow, Jake’s coworker also my friend was casually talking about weekend plans and Jake’s other coworker Susie came up in the conversation and Jake said something along the lines of “yea if she wasn’t dating”brad” then I would date her but I don’t want to break them up” I haven’t talked to Jake about it and honestly I don’t know if I should because it’s a he said she said I don’t have any evidence of this. I haven’t been talking to Jake recently as much but I don’t know what to do. So if you have any insight on what I can do
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So I’m F(24) my boyfriend is M(25) we have been dating for 6 months and he i was at work when on of my friends “willow” texts me basically telling me that my boyfriend “Jake” was telling her about another women. Jake has been hanging out with a girl “Susie” for a while Susie has a boyfriend and has had a boyfriend fro 2 years. Willow, Jake’s coworker also my friend was casually talking about weekend plans and Jake’s other coworker Susie came up in the conversation and Jake said something along the lines of “yea if she wasn’t dating”brad” then I would date her but I don’t want to break them up” I haven’t talked to Jake about it and honestly I don’t know if I should because it’s a he said she said I don’t have any evidence of this. I haven’t been talking to Jake recently as much but I don’t know know what to do.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took is ignoring him 90% of the time. the action makes me feel like the A-hole because now he and all my family is mad at me
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Talk to your boyfriend? Girl, this is so high school, middle school even. You’re an adult, talk to your boyfriend like adults.
When exactly did this become a relationship sub?
Trust your gut and talk to him directly. If he’s being honest, he’ll be open about it. You deserve clarity, and his response will tell you everything you need to know.
Needed to read this a couple of times for it all to make some sort of sense. So her boyfriend would date his coworker is she was single? No offense but if a boyfriend or girlfriend said that they would date someone if they were single, while they were in a relationship, that would (for me) mean that they don’t really want to be with their respected other.
YTA
The reasonable thing to do here is to talk to your boyfriend, you don’t have to say “My friend said that you said yadda yadda yadda” but explain what your boundaries are sorta like “I appreciate upfront honesty and I wouldn’t like to find out you’ve been doing/saying stuff behind my back so please tell me if I can trust you on communicating with me”
Hopefully he is actually innocent in all this but it boils down to “Do you trust your BF or not?” I know my boyfriend, and if someone came up to me saying something like that with no actual proof I’d immediately dismiss it because it’s not worth a conversation with my BF. You shouldn’t have ignored him, you could have said “I’m going thru something right now, I’ll text you back when I’m home” or something
Seee this is one of those tricky ones; unfortunately confronting him on this likely won’t yield results. As IF he said it there’s no way he’d admit 2 it but IF he didn’t then ofc he would deny it. I guess this really stems down 2 how trustworthy the frnd who told u this is.
BUT a relationship does require basic respect n I would argue not talking 2 him about it but still ‘punishing’ him in ur behaviour. Isn’t unfair but I wouldn’t call u an arse. Ur feelings r hurt and u need room 2 process them and talk u him when ur ready.
I had to double check the ages. That’s some elementary school bullshite going on…
I see 2 choices here. Confront him or leave him.
But before you confront him ask yourself this. If he denies it would you believe him? If the answer is no then the point is moot. Also ask yourself, what does willow have to gain by lying? Could she have eyes on your man and is trying to break you up?
If he truly said those things then it seems hes keeping you as a place holder or maybe hes afraid of being alone. Either way that’s probably not a relationship you want to be in.
If he didnt say that then a conversation is the only way forward.
If you’re that insecure, why not just put an end to the relationship?
If you’ve been dating for 6 months then there should be either some sort of understanding that you two are exclusive and looking for a future together or you’re not. Does Jake seem so committed to you that you doubt what Willow said or do you think there might be some truth to it? What would Willow’s motivation be to lie? Look for red flags in your relationship with Jake. There might be more than you’re admitting.
YTA. You automatically believe a female coworker? He didn’t even have the chance to say anything to you. No offense, but this sounds like two insecure women fighting over a guy.