We went to a restaurant for my MIL bday lunch. When orders were being taken, SIL announced that ALL the kids would be having kids meal tenders and fries with juice. My 9yo and 4yo eat adult meals, 2 chicken tenders and handful of fries will not fill them up so when the waiter got to me, I told him my kids will have adult meals since I’m the one paying for them, so they ordered their meals and my SIL was pissed. She said I embarrassed her and made her kids question her, because she told them they were getting “the same thing all the other kids were eating”…so. Am I the AH?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
We went to a restaurant for my MIL bday lunch. When orders were being taken, SIL announced that ALL the kids would be having kids meal tenders and fries with juice. My 9yo and 4yo eat adult meals, 2 chicken tenders and handful of fries will not fill them up so when the waiter got to me, I told him my kids will have adult meals since I’m the one paying for them, so they ordered their meals and my SIL was pissed. She said I embarrassed her and made her kids question her, because she told them they were getting “the same thing all the other kids were eating”…so. Am I the AH?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I allowed my kids to order adult meals, instead of kids meals, am I wrong for not following what SIL wanted for all children involved? I was not made aware of this beforehand and likely would have told her that I don’t agree
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta
As long as you are paying for their meals
I am surprised a 2 year old can eat am adult portion though
NTA. Why would she select your children’s meals anyway? Maybe they wanted a burger or pizza. That’s bizarre.
NTA You are the parent, you decide what your children may and may not order when you dine out not your sister in law. She had zero business trying to make that decision for you and your children. If her children are upset, she needs to address the issue with them not you because it’s not your problem. They’re not your children. She’s their mother.
Nta I’m guessing she can’t afford adult meals and this is a struggle she’s knew she’d have w her kids. Not your problem tho.
NTA Your SIL has no say in what your kids eat, especially since you were the one paying for your kids
NTA. Your kids and you were paying. SIL should’ve checked with you before making a proclamation on what your kids would have.
NTA, but how big are your kids if they eat full adult meals as 9 & 4 yr olds?
It seems really weird to me that a 4yo is eating the adult entrees at a restaurant. edit: I’m not saying it’s weird a 4yo eats adult food. Talking about the AMOUNT of food you’re going to get at an american restaurant.
NTA.
Your sister should not have made an unagreed to pronouncement that applied to your kids as well as her.
This is on her.
NTA. You were paying for your kids’ meals & have done the rare thing (nowadays at least) of helping kids expand their palate beyond chicken fingers & French fries.
No, you’re not the asshole.
You’re their parent, you’re paying, and you know your kids’ appetites. Your SIL being embarrassed is her issue, not yours.
NTA
She’ll learn not to be so presumptuous.
Do your kids really finish adult-sized meals?
NTA but does a 4 year old need an adult meal?
Your SILs inability to parent is not your problem. She also doesn’t get to order for your kids.
Also, I may be the only person on earth but I hate chicken tenders.
NTA if her strategy to get her kids to go with something is “everybody else is doing it” that’s not your problem. She doesn’t actually get to control what the rest of the world does and today was her first lesson in that I guess
NTA you paid for your kids food, SIL paid for her kids food.
Your SIL is at fault here for telling her kids ALL the kids were getting kids meals.
I’m assuming she took the leftovers home? My parents did this when we were kids. We’d just eat the leftover food over the next few days if the meal was too big for us.
NTA I remember going out to eat and my youngest ordered the Onion Soup & Salad that was on special. She was 5. The manager, cook and a waitress stood by the table and watched her eating it all. Well, just for a few minutes but they were just astonished a little kid could and would eat that.
NTA. While I’m a bit surprised the 4 y.o. can finish an adult meal, even if they couldn’t, what if they just wanted something on the adult menu or had some issue where they couldn’t eat chicken tenders? My niece asked for an adult meal instead of the kid’s meal, and while she didn’t eat most of it, at least she was able to eat and enjoy some and pack the leftovers for later. Especially since you’re the one paying for them–she has no right to say anything when you are the one paying for them.
NTA, and all of the commenters questioning what you feed your 4 year old are as bad as you SIL. Adult meals are often healthier than kids meals, so kids can eat more food without getting a lot more calories. You are a good mother, and your SIL is out of line.
NTA. You are paying for it.
NTA
Your SIL isn’t in charge of the choices you & your children make.
NTA, why does she have any authority over your kids? Was she paying or something? If adults want to present a united front, they need to discuss something between themselves and agree on it ahead of time. You can’t just make a proclamation and then be upset that someone doesn’t agree.
NTA
Anyone ordering for other people is automatically TA
NTA. If you are paying for your meals, why would anyone think they have a right to dictate what you order. She sounds like a shitty mom feeding her kids shitty food.
ETA
This may not be a popular take but more communication from everyone could have avoided this. I’m guessing she was uncomfortable spending more. You could have ordered the kids meals and then ordered more food for yourself and shared with your kids to ensure they didn’t go hungry. If you knew about this ahead of time you could have talked to your kids about empathy for other people and acting out of caring. That ordering smaller meals at the restaurant was showing understanding for her situation and that you could provide for them in other ways (pick up another meal for them on the way home or feed them before you got to the restaurant). It could have been a learning opportunity for them.
Just saying it isn’t your problem is really pretty selfish.
NTA my girls always loved real food and would turn their noses up at chicken fingers and fries. They’d rather have steak or seafood with veggies and a salad. We never made them eat a kids meal.
NTA.
Anyone that thinks they can order for me or one of my family members at restaurant where I am paying is going to be laughed at, then overruled.
I had a college acquaintance like this, who had the idea that he knew better than everyone what to order at restaurants, and why try to talk over us when the server was at the table.
These people are the lamest of the lame. It’s like their lives are so tiny and pathetic, they can’t even go out in public without trying to lord over others in the smallest, pettiest, ways imaginable.
Your kids, your rules.
NTA
I think it is crazy that parents only order from the kids feel and then complain that their kids are picky about food. Ot course they are when their food choices are limited. We always offer regular and kid menu choices and allow them to pick what they want.
My daughter lets her kids get what they want. They are all good eaters and don’t need kids meals. They can bring leftovers home
You paid, so 100% NTA
Nta. What a ridiculous thing for your sil to think she gets to decide.
NTA. But I do admit you sound kind of snooty with the “my kids will be getting xyz because I’m paying for it” (which I totally agree with by the way, but could have been much more kind in the approach and probably made the waiter and others at the table uncomfortable)
But then you lost me with “my 9 year old prefers steak and my 4 year old prefers salmon”
Like get outta here with that lol idk it just sounds really strange
Still I think NTA, your SIL doesn’t have the right to tell the table what their kids will be eating. But you did sound AH-ly in the execution.
Does your SIL always exude main character energy?
You handled that situation beautifully. Quietly and tactfully. She’s TAH for trying to impose her parenting decisions on others, ThankYouVeyMuch!
NTA. Your kids, your money, your decision.
NTA. My daughter was never big into the kid’s meals. As long as I was paying, she could get what she wanted.
My kid never ordered off a kids menu. He just wasn’t a fried chicken/fries kinda kid. And, it’s pretty presumptuous for your sister to decide and announce what your kids would be having. The only problem here was hers.
If you are paying, there is no problem. However, I find it unrealistic that a 4 yo is not satisfied with two chicken tenders and fries.
It almost seems like you were trying to belittle your SIL.
NTA I think that children’s meals are terrible. They indoctrinate children to eat nothing but simple carbohydrates that are deep fried.
You are practicing good parenting by having your children eat a variety of foods.
Nta. You were paying
NTA. Your SIL was presumptuous and out of line for trying to order your children’s meals for them.
NTA
What a strange thing to promise your kids…
She had no business making a promise like that. She has no right to request it of you or your kids, she’s not paying for your kids food.
She’s being absolutely unreasonable.
If her kids have issues with comparing, or wanting something else, wasting food, the budget, tantrums, whatever, that’s on her to manage a different way as their parent.
Rather than trying to control everyone around them and make everything “fair”, despite how it may affect others.
(IE: your kids won’t be full, you’ll have to make arrangements to feed them a second dinner. All so she has to avoid telling her children no and managing them, teaching them to manage and regulate the world they see around them.)
NTA. My kids used to get adult meals, too.
It’s rude to order food for other people.
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with requesting that all kids at the table eat the same thing, but it has to be done beforehand and not within hearing of the kids. There are some kids in my family that even if you let them order whatever they want, once food arrives they will complain and want what someone else has. So when I go out to eat with them I am okay with saying my kids have to order the same thing. As long as my kids continue to be okay with it, I’ll keep doing it.
That makes it smoother for everyone and it’s a small sacrifice for the peace at the table. If my kids said they wanted something else, I would ask them to please get the same thing and explain the reasoning. If they pushed back a second time then I would let them get whatever they were wanting and deal with the whining from the other kids.
It’s okay to not get/do exactly what you want to make it easier for others when it’s just the occasional meal. Last time my one daughter was still hungry after so we just let the other kids leave the building first and ordered a small kids burger. It worked just fine!
In this specific case SIL didn’t mention anything beforehand so that’s on her. If she didn’t want to be embarrassed then she should’ve pulled you aside before getting to the table and asked if you could go along with it.
NTA reminds me of my cousins, those two, especially the little one would DEMOLISH full meals like it was nobody’s business. I work with four year olds, the amount of food those guys can inhale is crazy.
I was eating salads at age 2.
NTA My boys when they were that age ate adult meals. They are very tall men now and perfect weight. My oldest at 10 years almost finished a 16oz steak with sides.
People trying to dictate what other people can and can’t do with their money always baffles me. Even if your kids wouldn’t eat an entire adult meal, it’s YOUR money. NTA
NTA. I don’t think my son ever had a kid’s menu. He’s not too big on fries and a picky eater. We always put together a meal somehow. Your kids, your money, not her call.
NTA since you are paying for your own children. I also actively discourage them from ordering chicken strips & fries or the generic mac & cheese most places serve, we can eat that crap at home or a fast food place. Restaurants are special occasions and they have specialties to try. People are always shocked my son wants a salad vs fries.
YTA. What 4 year old eats an adult mean? They can’t be treated like the other kids for one meal? I let my kids drink pop when they were little but when we went out with friends whose kids didn’t drink pop they didn’t get pop. It’s not wrong to teach them to make adjustments for others.
NTA, even if your 4yo doesn’t eat the full adult meal it’s your money, plus you can always take leftovers home.
NTA. And yes, it does make your SIL look bad, but that’s her own damn fault.
NTA You can always bring home leftovers. At 9 yrs I was ordering off the adult menu. I feel like there should be an in between size that is available to children that I’d basically a lunch portion. Bigger than kid size but not quite adult size.
NTA
You know what your children want and can handle. Like you said you’re the one paying for them so no one else should be dictating what they get. How she parents isn’t your concern, and get kids being upset with her is her issue.
NTA. She embarrassed herself. She needed no help If she wants her kids to eat a cere meal she talks to them about it. If she can’t afford for them to eat adults meals everyone in her family gets the kids meals. She can talk her kids about what the expextions are for her family. I bet she has told the kids that kids can only order off the kids menu. And that is why they are now questioning her.
I would also remind her that she is not going to be parenting your children, or telling you how to spend your money. If she is continues to make announcements about what other families are going to be doing she will continue to embarrass herself
NTA
If you’re paying for your own kids, why does your SIL get a say in what your kids eat?
NTA my kids order the amount of food they need to be fed and not hungry still regardless of age. My youngest are just now 12 but have been eating off the regular menu for a few years because they told us it wasn’t enough and I will always make sure they have enough.
NTA. You are paying, and they are YOUR kids. Why is SIL “embarrassed “? Sounds like she likes to pick fights.
NTA. Your kids, your choice and you’re paying.
NTA!
My kids usually split an adult meal. They are not about the kids meals, they like our food rather than the kids meal stuff. I would’ve done the same thing.
Absolutely NTA. It’s a parent’s decision what their children eat, especially if the parent is paying. Your SIL is overstepping big time.
NTA, your SIL tried to control how everyone else would order so she wouldn’t have to pay more than she wanted for her kids’ meals, and not have to deal with whining and complaining. If she’d have checked with you first to see if you would be order kids meals, instead of being manipulative, she could have phrased her words differently to her children before arriving. Or she simply could have told her kids, “I don’t know what your cousins are order, but this is how we’re going to order.”
NTA – she wasn’t paying for it, she has no right to dictate what your kids eat.
NTA –
Your kids are your kids – not hers. She doesn’t have the option of forcing your kids to eat whatever she wants hers to eat, just so she doesn’t have to allow her kids to order adult portions which are more expensive. Period.
Your kids your rules. Her kids her rules.
NTA. She should have asked you before making promises to her kids that she had no way of making happen.
NTA.
However I would just be aware of if it’s a money issue with your SIL, or if there are other reasons she was trying to get all the kids to eat the same.
Possible reasons:
She is trying to encourage her kids to eat, and they would cave under peer pressure I.e all kids eating the same
Money/finances
Ordering enough food that the kids would eat without waste
Other
Point it, while you are NTA, I think you should have a conversation with her without the kids around and ask what her reasoning was and then just reiterate that your kids eat more than the serving sizes on kids meals.
Signed – a mom of a 5 year old who outgrew happy meals and kids meals at 3. He is skinny but consumes a lot of food and is highly active so just burns calories nonstop.
NTA
If your SiL was paying then maybe I could see some justification but you’re paying for your own kids, then they eat what you get them.
My girl is also a healthy eater. Since she started solids we’ve been pretty firm with “She eats what the adults eat” and so she is pretty open to most foods. I’m not going to limit her to chicken strips and fries just because another parent is insecure about their own kids eating habits.
she was “pissed”
and then she chose to rebuke you
was this at the table?
tell her to gth