My uncle recently purchased a bengal cat for his wife. For context, my uncle is quite wealthy at least from my perspective, it seems like his wife is mostly in it for the money. My uncle basically caters to her every whim to the point of ridiculousness.
Anyway, I’m highly against him getting a bengal both because there’s so many cats needing to be rescued, and the fact that bengals have such specific needs. My uncle lives in a New York apartment that’s pretty big as far as New York is concerned, but is still a pretty small space for such a high energy cat.
My uncle called my dad yesterday to complain about how the cat meows constantly, tore up his leather couch and keeps knocking objects off the counters. I own a rescue bengal mix so my dad decided to add me to the call to see if I could help. I really wished he would’ve asked me first because I didn’t want to get involved.
My uncle explained the situation to me. I eventually found out that he barely plays with the cat and he even mentioned that his wife wanted the cat more as a status symbol.
I was baffled by his stupidity and told him that he shouldn’t own a bengal cat. I tried to explain as nicely as possible that bengals are extremely high energy since they’re part wildcat and caring for them is very difficult. I didn’t bring my anti-breeding stance into the discussion at all, and mentioned that if he really wants an expensive cat that’s well behaved, he should consider getting a ragdoll or a snowshoe cat since they tend to be very easygoing from what I’ve heard.
He proceeded to call me a hypocrite for owning a bengal. He didn’t seem to grasp the fact that my cat was rescued from a backyard breeder and is half domestic shorthair (normal street cat) so she has a personality more like that of a traditional domestic cat. Also, I take my cat for leashed walks daily and play with her all the time to deal with her high energy, two things he clearly hasn’t done.
We ended the conversation with both of us pissed at each other, and my dad was mad at me for telling him off instead of minding my own business, even though my opinion was quite literally being asked. The rest of my family is pretty split on this. My mom agrees with me but thought I should’ve kept my opinion to myself. Meanwhile, my partner fully agreed with me for telling him that he shouldn’t own a bengal. My uncle’s kids (all in their 30s) even chimed in with their own opinions.
I don’t know what to think, am I the asshole? Should I apologize? I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my uncle and he’s genuinely a good person, but sometimes he doesn’t know when to admit he’s wrong.
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My uncle recently purchased a bengal cat for his wife. For context, my uncle is quite wealthy at least from my perspective, it seems like his wife is mostly in it for the money. My uncle basically caters to her every whim to the point of ridiculousness.
Anyway, I’m highly against him getting a bengal both because there’s so many cats needing to be rescued, and the fact that bengals have such specific needs. My uncle lives in a New York apartment that’s pretty big as far as New York is concerned, but is still a pretty small space for such a high energy cat.
My uncle called my dad yesterday to complain about how the cat meows constantly, tore up his leather couch and keeps knocking objects off the counters. I own a rescue bengal mix so my dad decided to add me to the call to see if I could help. I really wished he would’ve asked me first because I didn’t want to get involved.
My uncle explained the situation to me. I eventually found out that he barely plays with the cat and he even mentioned that his wife wanted the cat more as a status symbol.
I was baffled by his stupidity and told him that he shouldn’t own a bengal cat. I tried to explain as nicely as possible that bengals are extremely high energy since they’re part wildcat and caring for them is very difficult. I didn’t bring my anti-breeding stance into the discussion at all, and mentioned that if he really wants an expensive cat that’s well behaved, he should consider getting a ragdoll or a snowshoe cat since they tend to be very easygoing from what I’ve heard.
He proceeded to call me a hypocrite for owning a bengal. He didn’t seem to grasp the fact that my cat was rescued from a backyard breeder and is half domestic shorthair (normal street cat) so she has a personality more like that of a traditional domestic cat. Also, I take my cat for leashed walks daily and play with her all the time to deal with her high energy, two things he clearly hasn’t done.
We ended the conversation with both of us pissed at each other, and my dad was mad at me for telling him off instead of minding my own business, even though my opinion was quite literally being asked. The rest of my family is pretty split on this. My mom agrees with me but thought I should’ve kept my opinion to myself. Meanwhile, my partner fully agreed with me for telling him that he shouldn’t own a bengal. My uncle’s kids (all in their 30s) even chimed in with their own opinions.
I don’t know what to think, am I the asshole? Should I apologize? I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my uncle and he’s genuinely a good person, but sometimes he doesn’t know when to admit he’s wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should be judged for the fact that I told my uncle he shouldn’t own a bengal and argued with him about it. I think I could be the asshole because I’m bad at keeping my opinions to myself and this isn’t the first time I’ve gotten someone pissed at me for it. My uncle especially gets really mad when anyone tells him he’s wrong, so maybe I should’ve been more gentle about the whole thing.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Do your research before getting any animal!
I was all ready to call you an interfering busybody and tell you to mind your own damn business, but saw you were literally asked for your opinion and guidance as a person with a level of knowledge and expertise in the breed. You are absolutely NTA, and your dad is an AH for not giving you a heads up that he wanted you to placate your uncle rather than lean on your actual familiarity and experience with the breed. And your uncle is an AH for several reasons!
“Hey OP, what do you think? … Oh my gosh! Mind your business!”
Then why even bring you into the conversation at all?
NTA, but your dad and uncle are both ridiculous.
NTA
It sounded like you WERE trying to be nice. There’s only so much you can do if he’s not stupid, to impart information and not have him catch that you don’t agree with what he’s doing.
You could offer to take his bengal, and help calm it down, if he keeps paying for the feeding and care of it. Then maybe they can say they own one, without them or it being so frustrated. I’m not sure if that’s even something you’re interested in, or he would be interested in. As you mentioned yours is crossbred with a domestic cat and his full bengal, so I’m not sure if you’ve got the space and the time and energy to deal with that.
If you’re interested, maybe offer to take it for a week and see if you can figure out what it needs to help them out, taking all their food and stuff they have for it, so you’re not out money. Then they may just be happy it’s out of the house, and you can figure out where to go from there with them (you keep and they pay, send it to a rescue or zoo, etc). Maybe that would help get the ones in the extended family to stop thinking you’re an AH.
Good luck, sorry this has become such an extended family drama!
NTA
I wanted a bengal and decided not to because they are high energy. I got a ragdoll and we’re perfect for each other.
Thank you so much for trying to help that poor kitty by explaining his needs to your uncle.
I don’t know how delicately you expressed your feelings but it feels like you snapped a bit when he attacked you, which makes sense.
I’d go visit the uncle, apologize and say you only feel strongly for the kitty, show him a proper play session with her and talk about your routine with your sweet cat.
If he seems overwhelmed after you show him a proper play session and tell him your routine, gently offer some alternatives for the poor kitty, like finding a cat sitter to engage her or a new family.
I really hope this works out. I get pissed off as hell when people don’t treat animals right.
NTA, your advice was asked and you gave it. It’s their own issue if they can’t handle it. The fact they bought it as a status symbol shows how much thought they put in, none. And your dad is an AH too lol, how does he add you to a call then tells you to mind your own business…
NTA, that poor bengal! Not exhausting a high-energy cat is a recipe for disaster, and the poor cats end up paying the price…
Also, I can confirm that snowshoes are easygoing, if a bit loud. Had my snowshoe girl for 15 years and she was chill af but could and would remind you that snowshoes were descended from siamese at every opportunity.
I’d say NTA for getting ambushed for your opinion but YTA for your messaging of you’re stupid for buying that cat and shouldn’t have it. It’s not a way to maintain relationships by criticising a decision someone has already made, especially an older man who may have an ego. You could’ve just framed it as that’s a high energy cat that needs lots of exercise and attention and wished him good luck (and then explained to your partner how silly he was afterwards).
NTA, He asked for an opinion and you gave it. It’s not your problem if he can’t take criticism.
Tell us your opinion! No, not like that! 🙄