How would you react to a potential partner revealing they are HIV+ and undetectable?
How would you react to a potential partner revealing they are HIV+ and undetectable?
r/AskWomen
How would you react to a potential partner revealing they are HIV+ and undetectable?
Comments
[removed]
“I hope it all works out for you, all the best!”
i feel like you’re asking if it’d be a dealbreaker and my personal answer would be no
He better have revealed before we were intimate!!
Personal response would be thank you for letting me know but this isn’t a risk I am willing to take.
“I’m so sorry”. I would be.
However it is a deal breaker for me – this isn’t an established relationship with the expectation of care (I assume) and can be contagious and is concerning for kids. I’d be anxious about bringing intimate and that’s a libido killer.
I would be grateful they told me before we were intimate- full respect. However, unless this was my current partner whom I was best friends with for 15yr before we got together I’d say it’s a dealbreaker. I think this is something you should disclose before a first date though
Someone on drugs like prep, which would be the cause of undetectable HIV, would not be contagious. I would not see a difference here between this person and an HIV- person.
I would have no problem with someone on a drug that keeps their HIV undetectable. This scenario makes transmission impossible.
I live in a rational universe where things make medical sense. The emotional aspect of this would not scare me off, the same way Princess Di wasn’t scared to shake hands of AIDS sufferers.
Glad that they’re undetectable because that means they’re taking medication and keeping themselves as healthy as can be, and being precautious and truthful by disclosing!
[removed]
I wouldn’t care. I would like to know before we have sex without a condom out of respect. But to my knowledge(please correct me if I’m wrong) but if they are undetectable it would be safe. There are so many people spreading chlamydia and herpes around so I would think someone with hiv would be on top of their health and probably safer than a lot of other people. So yeah I can’t see that being a hindrance with the huge leaped medical science have made.
I would kindly (assuming they told me before we got physical otherwise not so kindly) decline any further dates
The risks are too big for my liking, my health depends on them faithfully taking their meds, im not taking those chances
If he let me know at an appropriate time, I’d ask some questions and request some time to do my own research before deciding if we could be intimate. But it wouldn’t be an on-the-spot deal breaker.
I would thank them for letting me know, and my safer sex boundaries would remain the same as they are for other partners, which is that I use barriers for penetrative sex but not for oral sex.
I would feel violated and deceived if they tried to have intimacy or did have intimacy without telling me. It would scare and ruin my trust and I’d be considering reporting them over it. This goes for any known sti. If they found out after we got together but they found out early on that they got it before I’d be understanding. If it was disclosed before I don’t think it be a deal breaker but I’d be far more cautious progressing forward unless I felt genuine love and connection that would have potential for a future.
Let me add that the medication to prevent is insanely effective so not informing a partner beforehand is seriously fucked up and shows a complete disregard for their safety, wellbeing and trust.
My best friend is HIV+ and has been married for almost a decade to his partner who remains negative, so I don’t think it would be a deal breaker for me. I know that risk of transmission is incredibly low with proper communication, condoms, and PrEP.
That said, I don’t think I would accept the risk for a casual hookup. They’d need to be someone I trusted and could actually see becoming a long term partner.
I know that it is pretty safe and actually much safer than someone who hasn’t tested for hiv and might have it without knowing, but I have health anxiety and can be pretty irrational about those things so no.
I would let them know I appreciate them telling me and I’d be glad they’re undetectable and taking care of their health (so many people don’t even bother to get tested!). Personally, this would be a dealbreaker for me though. I’d be too anxious about being intimate and that would impact both of us negatively.
I’m not one to panic hysterically and ignore the facts, so it wouldn’t make a difference to anything. If they’re undetectable I can’t get it. So I’d risk it if I loved the person.
There’s so much ignorance and hysteria around disease it really shows the truly selfish people for who they are.
I’d be rather unwilling to come in contact with their semen or vaginal fluids unless I was 99% sure they are my life partner. I know transmission chances are very low but it’s not a risk I’m personally willing to take for any potential partner.
Generally I’d be open to see where things take us without penetrative sex or oral sex, after a few months exploring oral sex and later on maybe penetrative sex with barrier contraceptives. But I understand that’s not the kind of relationship most people are looking for, so if we’re incompatible that way it’s fine with me.
It would only be a deal breaker if they weren’t taking care of themselves. I would want to be involved in all doctor’s visits past that point if we were to stay together.
I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be interested 😬