Little background information about myself: I am in good physical shape. I diet and meal prep. Pretty much your average gymbro. My friend on the other hand is medically obese and a gamer.
Every couple of months he’ll go on about how he wants to change his life, get in shape, diet and be consistent in the gym. Then he’ll ask me for the same advice I gave countless times. Complain about his life and why he’s fat. Ultimately, he’ll ask me to start taking him to the gym. He’ll go like one time then just flake out and not go again. He’ll then randomly start complaining that I never take him. Then he’ll give up and repeat this process.
I literally cannot tell you how many times I have made workout programs for him. Pep talks. Meal prep suggestions and directions.
Well I’m sick of it. I told him this time something along the lines of “stop asking me for help, you never take my advice and blame your circumstances on your past”. He then went on and told our other friend in front of me “hey can I go to the gym with you OP doesn’t want to take me and help me”.
I went on to tell him he has no self control, no accountability, he is a hedonist and he blames all his f*ck ups on other people. Then I said just do it. Stop talking about it your whole life and do it.
AITA?
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Little background information about myself: I am in good physical shape. I diet and meal prep. Pretty much your average gymbro. My friend on the other hand is medically obese and a gamer.
Every couple of months he’ll go on about how he wants to change his life, get in shape, diet and be consistent in the gym. Then he’ll ask me for the same advice I gave countless times. Complain about his life and why he’s fat. Ultimately, he’ll ask me to start taking him to the gym. He’ll go like one time then just flake out and not go again. He’ll then randomly start complaining that I never take him. Then he’ll give up and repeat this process.
I literally cannot tell you how many times I have made workout programs for him. Pep talks. Meal prep suggestions and directions.
Well I’m sick of it. I told him this time something along the lines of “stop asking me for help, you never take my advice and blame your circumstances on your past”. He then went on and told our other friend in front of me “hey can I go to the gym with you OP doesn’t want to take me and help me”.
I went on to tell him he has no self control, no accountability, he is a hedonist and he blames all his f*ck ups on other people. Then I said just do it. Stop talking about it your whole life and do it.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my fat friend I will no longer help him get in shape. Because I blamed him being obese on him.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to put in the labor, time and time again, for writing meal plans/work out programs for him to just give it up quickly.
You didn’t need to essentially say to him, you’re fat and have no self control.
No you’re not wrong.
It gets annoying. You know why he’s not doing it? Because he keeps telling you he’s going to do it and he’s getting instant gratification from telling you.
YTA
You’re an ah for the simple fact that you’re referring to this friend as “my fat friend”… Pretty sure your friend has a name and would rather you not refer to them as “fat friend” and instead refer to them by their actual name. Do you have any non traditionally good looking friends that you refer to as “my ugly friend”??
ESH
You, for being mean-spirited to this person as a result of failing to set healthy boundaries sooner.
Them, for being petty to the other friend who was there.
No one’s TA for your friend’s lack of commitment; it just sucks and is sad. You’re good for helping, they’re good for wanting to try. However, losing weight is a mental health game, and if it were easy or merely difficult then it wouldn’t be the big issue it is today. Before it got to this point, the right thing for both of you would’ve been for you to let your friend gently know that the previous time was the last time, but that you’ll always root for them to reach their goals.
In this case, you were mean and petty and so they became defensive and petty. Neither of you were right.
NTA. I am in a similar situation with a friend, and I feel like an idiot every time I try to help her and she just ignores my advice until the next time she asks for help. Bottom line is, you can’t help someone who just doesn’t want to be helped.
NTA, because you dont owe him your leisure time, and all of this is extra.
Kinda harsh, though. You are both asking too much of him. He is not going to become a gym bro tomorrow. Usually, people can’t, more than won’t, even if it’s just a lack of dopamine and difficulty initiating. Your plans are too big. Life style changes are hard and don’t stick well. He doesn’t need a whole workout plan. He needs the babiest of steps. You could see if he’ll come with you to just do the warm-up once a week and only stay as long as he wants. Or go for a walk with you. The goal shouldn’t be to be trim. It should be 45 min of excersise 3x a week. Build up to that.
Now, this is his responsibility, not yours. But also keep in mind you can just say, “You know where and when I work out, join whenever you want,” and put as much energy into it as he is.
i have had several friends like that, except it’s about other life problems. i gave them advice countless times and honestly after several times im sick and tired of it, i know since they are my close friend i should keep trying to help them but after enough times whenever they brings up a problem i just listen instead of giving solutions. i get the frustration of wanting your friend to be and do better because its best for them and because thats what they want even though they don’t take actions towards it but still complain about it. some people wont understand until they go through it enough times so i get it like after enough time resentment will slowly build overtime, not at them but at their actions which can make one basically explode, privately or in front of them.
it’s okay to be angry. it’s not “ideal” to tell it to their face but its not your fault, sometimes you just have to give up on someone and let them be even if they are your close friend
NTA. Aside from this being a hard message he honestly needed to hear, he’s the one who trashed you to others and even then you didn’t personally attack him you were just honest and direct. The same mentality that causes him to interpret something that felt bad to hear as being ‘an attack’ is the mentality that got him to where he is now. He’s not putting in the work on his mental wellness either
It depends on if this is your friend or not. If it is then you should be willing to push them through to the other side. It sounds like they’re not at the point where they need a workout program, or pep talks, or meal preps. They need to get into a routine of improvement. It’s not your responsibility to force them into it, but if they are your friend, then maybe you should just want to
NTA
NTA .
I’m not gonna vote for reasons, but as a fellow fat person who is in the same situation, all the advise in the world won’t help. He needs help getting out of the house. It takes a lot of energy to get out and work out and it takes a lot out of you, I’m sure you know. Being fat and trying to get into exercising is extremely hard because of how much it wears you out. You go and the next day you can’t move so you take a break and plan on going the next day but the next day comes and you still feel like shit so you put it off and then you forget and then weeks go by and you realize you fucked up and haven’t been exercising and you need to start again. Then you start the whole process over again.
Try doing your normal routine while carrying an extra 50 – 100 lbs on you 24 hours a day and see how much energy you have. You run out of energy really quick. I don’t know how hard exercising all the time is for skinny people, so I can’t compare it. I just know most skinny people I’ve met normally has tons more energy than I do and much more stamina.
He needs help with getting motivated (which is probably the wrong word for this) or being reminded?, encouraged? to go again before HE, remembers. Basically he needs help getting into a pattern that will help him. Once he gets into a habit of going he can use the rest of your advice. But it’s developing that habit that he needs the most assistance with and he may not even know it, yet.
If you want to help him out, this is where I suggest you start.
NTA. I think you honestly just snapped. I would distance myself from this friend. I think it has run its course.
NTA