Hi, so I (23F) haven’t really celebrated my birthday in the last couple of years. Since I moved last year (about 2/3 hours away) I wanted to combine throwing a small birthday gathering and apartment warming party. One of my friends (25F) had planned to come for a weekend trip anyway and also to get to know the city i live in now because she’s never been here before. This weekend trip was canceled though because she kinda forget about another thing regarding her job which is why we changed it to a later date. After i figured i was celebrating my birthday, I asked her if she wanted to combine the weekend trip with my party so she didn’t have to do the whole trip again (they were also only two weeks apart) to which she agreed to. Today, I sent a last kind of planning text to the group chat to ask everyone’s preferences (drinks, etc. you know the drill) because they party is this coming weekend to which she responded privately telling me that another one of her friends has spontaneously decided to also celebrate her birthday on the same day and i quote: “since i see her more often she’s a much more integral part of my live which is why i would rather go to her party”. I’m honestly really hurt by this and called her out saying she’s being super disrespectful, rude and a bitch and that I don’t want her to come visit at all anymore since she thinks she can just weigh plans depending on who friend is more important to her. She hasn’t responded yet and now I’m worried I overreacted. I don’t know if i’m just sensitive or overreacting though because this is kinda a sore spot for me since just last year another friend who i valued a lot dropped our entire friend group for a new group of friends and would never commit to plans anymore and say she’d have to see if she can make it the day of, always waiting for her other friends to plan something to then say she couldn’t make. Because of this i’m worried that i’m more emotionally invested and in general too self-centered being like “but MY party”. So, am i the asshole?
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Hi, so I (23F) haven’t really celebrated my birthday in the last couple of years. Since I moved last year (about 2/3 hours away) I wanted to combine throwing a small birthday gathering and apartment warming party. One of my friends (25F) had planned to come for a weekend trip anyway and also to get to know the city i live in now because she’s never been here before. This weekend trip was canceled though because she kinda forget about another thing regarding her job which is why we changed it to a later date. After i figured i was celebrating my birthday, I asked her if she wanted to combine the weekend trip with my party so she didn’t have to do the whole trip again (they were also only two weeks apart) to which she agreed to. Today, I sent a last kind of planning text to the group chat to ask everyone’s preferences (drinks, etc. you know the drill) because they party is this coming weekend to which she responded privately telling me that another one of her friends has spontaneously decided to also celebrate her birthday on the same day and i quote: “since i see her more often she’s a much more integral part of my live which is why i would rather go to her party”. I’m honestly really hurt by this and called her out saying she’s being super disrespectful, rude and a bitch and that I don’t want her to come visit at all anymore since she thinks she can just weigh plans depending on who friend is more important to her. She hasn’t responded yet and now I’m worried I overreacted. I don’t know if i’m just sensitive or overreacting though because this is kinda a sore spot for me since just last year another friend who i valued a lot dropped our entire friend group for a new group of friends and would never commit to plans anymore and say she’d have to see if she can make it the day of, always waiting for her other friends to plan something to then say she couldn’t make. Because of this i’m worried that i’m more emotionally invested and in general too self-centered being like “but MY party”. So, am i the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) i insulted and called out a friend for cancelling on me (2) because i’m not sure my response was warranted to her cancelling on me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. She was big time wrong to cancel on you! But you lost any high ground you had by calling her a b.
Calling your friend a bitch, isn’t good. If the act of calling her, a bitch was a way of severing this pseudo-friendship, it’s just a point deduction for style points. Calling her a bitch is much better than pretending like everything was OK. This is not a friend: NTA.
NTA she’s no longer your friend. She proved this with her actions and her words. Someone else is more important than you, and she’s willing to tell you that you don’t mean as much. You will never mean as much to her as other people. To the point she disrespected your time and effort and canceled last minute.
ESH. Cancelling on you is one thing, but to explicitly say she prefers her other friend and considers her more important than you is outright rude. Calling her a bitch is nonetheless over the top and uncalled for.