First, I’m sorry if there are grammatical errors in this post, I must say that english isn’t my first language. Also idk if this is important, but I’m a male.
Second, I think that I must give yall some context.
It’s not his recent ex, but I could say its the one that went through so much things with him, helped and stayed when he needed someone the most. I must say that also he has been with more people than me, but even though I’ve been interested in more people (2 others before him), he has been the first I’ve formally dated and my first in almost everything. We’re on our early 20’s, and maybe I’m worrying more than I should do, but i dont know what else to do and I’m a little concerned.
Third and the reason of the post, recently we had a talk where she came to the topic on a call we had at night and I (maybe cuz I’ve had that on my mind for some time) asked him if maybe the reason he says que feels this “special connection” with her is because he loves her. He thought about it all night and we met the next day, just for him to tell me that he maybe does and that he can live with that. With loving 2 people.
I really don’t know how to feel, but certainly don’t feel good at all with that and much less manage to fully understand it. That’s because I only love him, but I don’t know, maybe he can feel that way because he’s been with more people? That’s something we discussed and said that could be a reason.
He says that even if he could love her, that love isn’t the same as the one he feels for me, because he decided to choose me even if he could choose her.
Is it wrong for me to feel… lost?
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First, I’m sorry if there are grammatical errors in this post, I must say that english isn’t my first language. Also idk if this is important, but I’m a male.
Second, I think that I must give yall some context.
It’s not his recent ex, but I could say its the one that went through so much things with him, helped and stayed when he needed someone the most. I must say that also he has been with more people than me, but even though I’ve been interested in more people (2 others before him), he has been the first I’ve formally dated and my first in almost everything. We’re on our early 20’s, and maybe I’m worrying more than I should do, but i dont know what else to do and I’m a little concerned.
Third and the reason of the post, recently we had a talk where she came to the topic on a call we had at night and I (maybe cuz I’ve had that on my mind for some time) asked him if maybe the reason he says que feels this “special connection” with her is because he loves her. He thought about it all night and we met the next day, just for him to tell me that he maybe does and that he can live with that. With loving 2 people.
I really don’t know how to feel, but certainly don’t feel good at all with that and much less manage to fully understand it. That’s because I only love him, but I don’t know, maybe he can feel that way because he’s been with more people? That’s something we discussed and said that could be a reason.
He says that even if he could love her, that love isn’t the same as the one he feels for me, because he decided to choose me even if he could choose her.
Is it wrong for me to feel… lost?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t understand my partner being in love with 2 people and told him that. But maybe I’m wrong because it could be something more common than I think?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH; you can’t help your feelings which sound like jealousy.
But it is possible to love more than one person, for that love to be different for each person, and to choose to be with a given person. That’s called being an adult.
You might be better served by getting some counseling to develop an understanding of why you feel the way that you do and to figure out some ways of managing those feelings.
It’s totally normal to feel lost in this situation… Loving two people can be confusing and painful, especially when you only love one. What matters most is how he treats you and the respect in your relationship.
INFO: Is he still in contact with the ex? Why did she come up in conversation? Do they have a relationship of some kind (telephone calls, meeting up, etc)? What gave you the impression he was in love with her, and who ended their relationship? How long ago?
Is it a platonic, “she was a good friend when I needed one,” love that he admitted to, or something else?
NTA – completely valid feeling to have, because he hasnt had much time to explore the fact that he “loves” 2 people at the same time he might not have explained it well. the “choosing” statement feels wrong to me, however, i do believe that if both of them went through a lot together he could love her. just not be IN love with her, but w you instead. maybe give him some time to settle in w his feelings, so that he can clarify what he means.
but youre definitely NTA
NAH
I tend to connect better with people that still care about their exes, but I can understand why it is a issue for others.
Do you know her? It might help to befriend her also, if logistics and chemistry allows of course.
NTA: The way we feel in matters of the heart are different, and there’s nothing wrong with any of our feelings, it’s only how we act upon them that can become a problem.
A parent of many children once pointed out that their love for their children is not divided amongst their children, there love is multipled as each child was added to their family.
And it’s the same with adults… We multiple our love was we love more people… But when it comes to a relationship, it’s how you act on that love as it’s the relationship that can be betrayed not our love.