(First time updating a post, hope I’m doing it right)
A lot has happened since my last post.
I did take your guys’ advice and went to Europe to see my family for 3 weeks. Liam called me incredibly selfish, finding countless reasons for me to stay. I stood my ground and had a serious talk with him about feeling manipulated and guilt-tripped. That escalated into a meltdown: threats like “I’ll book your ticket rn. I can & will. I can break up if I want to,” then driving off & breaking down sobbing like never before. He said he doesn’t mean to manipulate me, that it hurts to hear me say I feel manipulated when all he’s asking is for me to be there for him. I don’t excuse his behavior, but if my mom was sick, I’d want his comfort too, so I understood his need for support.
He calmed, apologized, and has been affectionate since. He ended up supporting my decision to leave, and said how happy he was for me while I was with my family. I felt GREAT over there, cherishing every moment. Didn’t miss America at all…
Liam seemed okay while I was gone and picked me up from the airport with a “Welcome home” cake, which was sweet. We had a talk about the whole mom situation, and he kindly asked me to be more supportive of coming to the hospital with him. I agreed.
Tanya was very dependent on Liam for weeks, calling him over day and night, guilt-tripping him non-stop. Eventually, he refused to help her anymore. She cut ties briefly but they reconnected. His involvement has gone way down since then.
Tanya’s sister flew in from Cali to help out, but couldn’t take her crazy demands, so she left. Niece came too, but left three days later.
Tanya had surgery and started chemo, is getting thinner, and losing her hair. She has another surgery scheduled for mid October to get a mass removed, and a nurse at the hospital did say to Liam (while I was there to witness it): “I’m glad you’re visiting your mom, cancer can be so tough.” I don’t think Tanya is faking anymore. IATA for being unsupportive. Despite believing Tanya, I haven’t been involved at all since returning from Europe.
I’m better at standing my ground now and defending myself when I feel manipulated by them. I learned how to say no. May not have mastered it yet, but I’m prioritizing my grades and my family over his mom’s odd demands, while also balancing quality time with my bf. I show sympathy for his mom and text her here and there, but I agree with the Reddit comments that it’s not my job to treat or nurse her, or spend my weekends doing her chores.
Other updates: Tanya didn’t get divorced. She needs David to pay her medical bills, but tells people he’s a rude alcoholic who’s “waiting for her to die…”
Liam quit his job. It was too much on top of his mom.
His mood is way better, he’s healing mentally, and treating me better too. I support his unemployment for now bc he’s working diligently on projects and has enough savings for his part of rent.
Can’t fit more. Hope it brings some clarity.
Comments
Look up the YT video of Joe Tippens at the 2020 Annie Appleseed conference.
Please update me
OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1lmw2dm/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_boyfriends_dying/
NTA – two things can be true at once. She had cancer AND she was being unreasonably demanding. I work in oncology. Sometimes getting sick brings out the worst in people. And sometimes assholes get sick. I’m glad you’re standing your ground. I’m glad Liam is trying to find a balance. Please be on the lookout for future manipulation. Liam was raised by a highly manipulative mother, and probably never learned appropriate ways to work through difficult situations. That’s why he resorted to meltdowns and guilt trips when he panicked about you going away. It’s going to be important for him to be aware of that when he’s in a highly stressful situations in the future, so he can learn better strategies for himself, and not be as affected by his mother’s tactics.