My mom and dad are divorced, both remarried. My siblings and I are all married with our own kids and all live in the same town with eachother and our parents. Growing up all of our extended family (both mom and dad’s side) lived in a town a couple hours away. All holidays were spent there. My mom continues to expect all of us to drive a couple hours away to spend holidays there depsite my grandparents no longer hosting (haven’t for years). It would be taking our kids to their great uncle/aunt’s house for thanksgiving/christmas. My dad is ready and has been for awhile to host in our town and no longer going to see extended family (so it would be our dad and his wife, us adult kids, our kids/their grandchildren) Husband and I feel its ridiculous at this point my mom wants us to travel/cart all of our children far away to see extended family when all of our close family live in the same town. Think I’m also wrestling with irritation she can’t let go of the way things used to be and just move on to the new phase of life we all are in. It feels like she is choosing her parents and siblings over spending time with her kids/grandkids. Odd to me. Growing up I didn’t go to my grandparent’s brother or sister’s house which is what the equivalent would be for my kids. This means not seeing my grandparents (our kids great-grandparents) for holidays but I feel its fine to just visit at other less stressful times of the year. My mom doesn’t want to be away from her parents while they are still alive but that could be another year-10 years until something changes there. WIBTA to not spend holidays with my mom/living grandparents any more? (Until she decides to spend them in town)
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My mom and dad are divorced, both remarried. My siblings and I are all married with our own kids and all live in the same town with eachother and our parents. Growing up all of our extended family (both mom and dad’s side) lived in a town a couple hours away. All holidays were spent there. My mom continues to expect all of us to drive a couple hours away to spend holidays there depsite my grandparents no longer hosting (haven’t for years). It would be taking our kids to their great uncle/aunt’s house for thanksgiving/christmas. My dad is ready and has been for awhile to host in our town and no longer going to see extended family (so it would be our dad and his wife, us adult kids, our kids/their grandchildren) Husband and I feel its ridiculous at this point my mom wants us to travel/cart all of our children far away to see extended family when all of our close family live in the same town. Think I’m also wrestling with irritation she can’t let go of the way things used to be and just move on to the new phase of life we all are in. It feels like she is choosing her parents and siblings over spending time with her kids/grandkids. Odd to me. Growing up I didn’t go to my grandparent’s brother or sister’s house which is what the equivalent would be for my kids. This means not seeing my grandparents (our kids great-grandparents) for holidays but I feel its fine to just visit at other less stressful times of the year. My mom doesn’t want to be away from her parents while they are still alive but that could be another year-10 years until something changes there. WIBTA to not spend holidays with my mom/living grandparents any more? (Until she decides to spend them in town)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I said I will not be traveling for holidays any more
2) I would no longer be seeing my mom’s parents/my grandparents ever for holidays
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH, and everyone’s perspectives make sense. What about compromise? You could make the drive every other year, and/or say if you’re traveling for Thanksgiving, you’ll stay home for Christmas.
I hear you. For years my family wanted me to travel all over to see them at the holidays. I stopped years ago. It sounds like you have children of your own to start your own holiday traditions. If your parents want to see you, they can come to you. I think it’s important for your kids to be able to have their own routines for the holidays—so much less stress on everybody.
NTA. If she wants to visit her siblings for the holidays, that‘s okay. And you wanting to enjoy the holidays at home with your immediate family is fair too. Her trying to force her choice onto you isn’t fair. and to be honest, she’s being selfish.
NTA. Traditions are nice but times and circumstances change. I eventually gave up the 8-24+ hours of travel to spend holidays with the family about the time Instarted my own family. I told everyone that they were welcome to come see us at a mutually-agreeable time. A few of them actually made the effort.
“Mom, it’s time to begin some new traditions. All of the immediate family lives in the same town and we’ll be organizing holidays here. Hauling children 2 hours away for thanksgiving AND Christmas is simply too much. So, this year we’ll be doing thanksgiving at brother’s house, and Christmas will be done at dad’s house. We hope you’ll join us. Details for the holidays will be sent in advance so we can all plan accordingly.”
NTA.
YWNBTA It’s okay to enjoy Christmas at home with your family. Your children want to spend Christmas at home, not Great Aunty Gertie’s house any more than you do. There’s 12 days to Christmas, you can visit with your relatives on any one of the twelve days.
NAH although I think your attitude toward your mom is a bit harsh. There’s nothing wrong with your mom wanting to see her parents and siblings. That’s not extended family to her, that’s her immediate family. Even if it wasn’t, it’s important to her to see these people and that’s totally legitimate. That said, it’s fine if you don’t want to go. Perhaps a compromise could be reached where one holiday out of Christmas and Thanksgiving is spent with extended family and the other is spent in your town.