(39M)I had never before in my life hooked up with someone I didn’t know. But last night I took a chance, because I’m single & going through second puberty & turning 40 this year & I have never had a partner who actually cared enough about what I wanted in bed to remember anyway. So I thought: fine, what the hell. I’ll go fuck a complete stranger I’ve barely even talked to because we’re both horny right now & see what happens! If I get murdered then at least I don’t have to deal with, you know, gestures at the current state of the US
And what happened was that it was fucking incredible??
Like no joke the first time I came I immediately lost track of how many times I came because there was no mind left in my brain to count with. Just orgasm after orgasm (and a quite frankly embarrassing amount of screaming).
It wasn’t just the orgasms either (although HOLY SHIT the orgasms, I think I fucking ascended a couple of times). I’m not going to go into detail bc this isn’t the kind of sub for that but suffice to say that there were a lot of firsts for me and they ALL felt better than I could have imagined. And it utterly destroyed me, in the best possible sense.
But also in the worst possible sense, because I think that in my oxytocin drunk state I may have fucked up the possibility of ever seeing this guy again by being weird about it. I may have actually said the words “I’m good I just had the best sex of my life and I’m trying not to be clingy about it” when he asked if I was ok ðŸ˜
Like we had explicitly talked about not wanting anything deeper than sex so I was desperately trying to be normal about how amazing I felt & how very much I would like to do that kind of thing again sometime. One of my problems, like, in general, is that I have no fucking clue how to be normal.
The other problem last night was that I had seriously come so hard and so much that my body wouldn’t stop shaking & some part of my brain was like, “this shaking will only go away if I get to be little spoon for a while.” So even though I could tell he wanted me to continue getting ready to go home I asked if he could hold me for five minutes.
I have no idea what normal hookup etiquette is about spooning but we were already clothed again, so if there had ever been a natural moment for it that moment had long since passed. So it was incredibly awkward that I asked and I felt pathetic for even asking.
As much as it confused and embarrassed me at the time I’m glad that he refused. Just. Big yikes, past me! If you wanted to convince the guy who just gave you the best orgasms you’ve had in your life that you would be a cool person to meet up with occasionally to have more, similarly mind blowing sex in the future? This was not the fucking way ðŸ˜
Afterwards, as I was driving home, I remembered the term “oxytocin bonding” and was suddenly extremely glad the guy declined to cuddle.
I feel so fucking stupid! Because he seems like a really interesting person aside from the amazing sex & I was enjoying learning more about him.
To be clear: I super do not want an actual relationship right now! I am enjoying being single very very much (fuck, I love not sharing my bed when it’s time to sleep). But it would have been nice to exchange numbers & maybe meet up every month or so – I honestly don’t know if I could physically or emotionally handle an experience like last night more often than that. But I made it weird and now I’ll probably never hear from him again ðŸ˜
Comments
Sounds like you had a wonderful time! And pre-negotiating aftercare, even in one-time hookups, is so important!!! It’s talked about with kink a lot but non-kinky people need to discuss it too. It’s a very reasonable and mature way to wind down together and have closure after an exhilarating sexual experience.
I hope you find someone else who can fulfill your needs again soon and get to enjoy the cuddles without feeling self conscious. 💕💕
Oh dear… it’s a familiar feeling. It’s understandable to feel a bit flustered when experiencing something so intensely pleasurable, sometimes, words just don’t quite align with the intensity of the feeling, do they? Perhaps a simple acknowledgment of the shared experience, alongside a wish for future opportunities to connect, might have been a more effective approach, and that’s okay. The desire for genuine connection, even in casual encounters, is a valid and relatable aspiration. It’s kind of heartbreaking to hear you feel like you messed up, but it also showcases your vulnerability. Ultimately, it’s a reminder that authenticity is often the key to fostering relationships