You hear your cousin/coworker/neighbour that is the same age as you is getting married or expecting, but while you feel so comfortable in your bachelor life a thought creeps in – I am living the life I always wanted but am I getting distracted from what is important in life? Is my dream to be a carefree bachelor that I have since my childhood a deception?
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Live the life you want. You just get the one, so worrying about what you “should” be doing is counterproductive.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Everyone goes at their own pace. You don’t have to marry if it isn’t something that speaks to you.
It’s not a race. You said that you are living the life you always wanted. If you are happy, that’s awesome! There’s an old saying that “comparison is the thief of joy”. If you realize there is something else that you want to do, you can pivot to try to address that, but it’s important to find happiness on your own terms.
Reddit is a website that skews pretty young. Being in your 30s may seem old compared to that, but overall you still have plenty of life ahead of you.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Seriously. It is a certain way to be constantly depressed. Even very successful and happily married people who do that start getting depressed.
If you feel stuck, make changes. Compare yourself to you a year or two ago. Check in on YOUR situation and where you want to be, not where others are.
Half of those guys you envy are unhappy. Divorces happen in the 30s and 40s. They are doing the same stupid thing and comparing themselves to you. They see you with weekends free and no child daycare expenses. They should be working extra hard on their marriages right this instant but are wasting their time wishing they could be you.
I think all of us, at some point in our lives, we will look at where we are now and think “this is what I’ve always wanted” but somehow also ask ourselves “is this enough?” “Is this happiness?”
So you had a childhood dream of living as a carefree bachelor, but is that a lifelong plan? I think seeing your friends get married and start a family is a trigger for you to question this dream.
This is exactly what maturing is, you cannot stay in your comfort zone forever. And the fact that you’re questioning this means you’re someone who self reflects.
So, it was not a deception, but, now that you’ve attained it, maybe it doesn’t feel like enough?
Most will be divorced, broke and miserable in 10 years.
I got my license, a year after everyone my age. I moved out on my own 2 years later than people my age. I went to college 4 years after everyone else. I now OWN my house and have a great job. It’s not a sprint, hell it’s really not even a race. People take different routes to the same destination ‘life in the forever box’ just be happy dude, it’ll all work out.
This video may help you: The price of living your own life: lack of understanding is a test of your character
How can you feel behind when those weren’t your goals? If you didn’t work toward having a family then you aren’t behind, you chose not to participate
If you are regretting that choice then it’s another issue… do you think you will change your mind about having a family by the time you’re 40? Then probably start getting on that to make it happen. Otherwise you need to set your own goals to measure your life by, so you have a sense of purpose.
You can only deny what you’re biologically programmed to do for so long.
There’s literally only one reason for your existence.
Because i simply don’t want a relationship or children
One man’s wife and kids is another mans career/PhD.
Honesty, this sounds old fashioned, thinking wise. What do you want? I chose not to have kids, and am happy. I like being the “adopted auntie.” No one says you have to have kids, or a kid by a certain age.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
If you want to be cynical about it, and over analyze it, take a look at these dude’s lives. Usually the dudes who are like this have things like:
-a family that supports them, maybe financially
-lived on their own after going through every step
-very long term girlfriend.
I often feel left behind because I grew up with abusive parents so I had to parent myself, and put myself through school later. Yeah, some people are in better relationships, but if I’m gonna be comparing people, those same dudes probably couldn’t have made it if they lived my life
Hell, i am 66, and many younger people have more than i do or will ever have. A person has to learn to be happy but doesn’t mean to settle if they want more.
I feel you, even though I’m a woman.
Every time someone I know gets pregnant, I question my life more or less. Even though I’ve never wanted kids or a husband because it doesn’t fall naturally for me.
Write down a list over pros and cons, and take a look at it whenever you get days like these.
It helps me a lot knowing that it’s more normal now to not want that typical life. It’s not like I’ll be alone with this lifestyle even though it might feel like than when people I know “goes over to the other side”.
Are you fulfilled? That’s the question. If you are then dont dwell on others life choices. If you arent then work out what you’re missing.
Starting a family is not a silver bullet for feeling fulfilled.
You gotta think bout what you really want . Don’t regret your choice. It is what it is. I’d wish I’d had kids I know I’d have been a good dad . I know how to form strong bonds I have very close long lasting friends. I love kids. But I didn’t and even tho I’d like to have I also accept it’s OK. I still enjoy life and have good friends and family. And I think that’s the point. To try to be content with life how it works out. Appreciate what you have don’t rue or regret things because your reality is what it is and it’s up to you to make the best of it you can. I’m just glad I was born where I was at the time I was. There’s still millions of slaves and indentured servants , millions of soldiers fighting in 3rd world countries against others who are just other ppl from another country they have no personal beef with but their opportunities were join this army under this warlord or be shot or there’s just no jobs . The world’s a rough place . Best of luck bud.
Be grateful for the bullets dodged, scars you didn’t get, freedom you have. Enjoy your time to yourself, it doesn’t last forever.
And in a few years you’ll be watching the first round of divorces and spiralling – truly understand the bullets dodged.
By then you’ll also know yourself better and be better equipped for relationships and the family life. There are no deadlines here. It sounds like you’re realising you’d want that family life too, cool that’s life – we change.
I don’t see the downside besides some loneliness every so often. Yeah put on good music and dance in your living room – just cause you can.
Writing this as if it’s a letter to the OP.
I’ve never related to post more in my life. I’m 33 queer and single, my parents had me when they were 30 & 33….When I’ve been in this age range I am constantly thinking very similar thoughts, comparing myself to them, peers, coworkers, friends etc. I’m newish to reddit and def can get lost in the comments but I see u/WhimsicalSadist said it best “comparison is the thief of joy”. My sister has 3 kids and sometimes I want to find a partner, have kids and do the traditional thing but then other times I think “Do I want that or do I just think I want that?”. I definitely feel out of place when I host game nights and the people I’m invites are 2-3 couples, or at recent small work team dinner it was two couples and me. It’s taken me time to make progress but I gotta quote u/WhimsicalSadist again “live the life you want” and u/Icy-Extension6677 “every goes at their own pace”.
I read through more of the comments and from what else is posted, I want to offer a hug to most of the other folks here. put yourself first, no one else will.
I started my family life late. Spent my younger more productive years in the music business making bad decisions. Married at 36, had my first kid at 40 and 2nd at 42. I’m happy but gotta admit I’m feeling pretty tired at the end of every day.
It’s not a BINGO card.
Choose your own to timeline.
If you force one based on other peoples’ expectations, you’re more likely to be miserable.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
you wont be happy till other lifes are that important for u. take it and work on it bro🥰
This is my own opinion and how I’ve been living my life for the past couple years. In the 1920s men and women used to have the point of view of the world is undiscovered everything is an adventure not just go to a nightclub type but be adventurous try to take that and say that life is fun and honestly I’ve faked it till I made it. Went down dark alleyways went on cheap trips to a place I’ve never been I’ve been broke and I worked my way where I had skills enough to work anywhere and do almost anything I wanted
This is not a race all of it will find you at the right time . We don’t know all of what’s going on behind the scenes things take time if you want genuine peace true love authentic it’s going to take time . Enjoy your moments now it will all bring the pieces together.
Everybody has their own journey. If you were on theirs wouldn’t it take longer to get where you are going? 😊
A lot of them will soon envy you