I (26F) and in a custody case for my niece, Stacy (8F). My sister, Monica (29F), and I have never really gotten along, so she thinks I’m doing this just to hurt her. Honestly, I’m just trying to do what’s best for Stacy.
About a week before Monica got arrested, she kicked my mom out of her house who had been living with her for 9 years and helped raise her child. She said my mom and Stacy were the reason her boyfriend left her. My mom moved in with me in another state. Then, in February, Monica was arrested, Stacy was present. I won’t go into details, but Monica is still incarcerated and awaiting trial.
DCF opened a case for Stacy. My husband, my mom, and I went to take her into our custody. DCF noted Stacy was released to a relative and she’s been living with us ever since. They couldn’t provide written documentation because it wasn’t a formal state placement.
I’ve thought about a POA but I don’t feel Monica is stable enough to have Stacy back. A custody order would give legal protection so she can’t demand Stacy until she proves she has a safe, stable home.
Monica has lost her home and her car. When we went to collect Stacy’s things, the house was awful, roaches, animal feces and very dirty. Stacy said she sometimes went without food for a day or two.
She’d been homeschooled but tested at a kindergarten level. She also struggled with basic self care. I had to show her how to wash her hair and her body. She hadn’t been flushing the toilet because they avoided it at home to “save water”
Monica had a boyfriend for three years who didn’t meet Stacy until he moved in two years later. She quit her job, so his income was the only support. He was arrested several times for domestic violence, left during fights, and threatened to harm himself. Stacy said he once hit her by accident when she tried to defend Monica.
Monica used to be a great mom, but after getting involved with him, she changed. Stacy ended up on the back burner while her mom focused on the boyfriend.
I get that Monica probably feels like I’m overstepping, but sending Stacy back there doesn’t feel safe. I just want her to have a stable home where she’s cared for and can thrive.
So, AITA for trying to get custody of my niece?
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I (26F) and in a custody case for my niece, Stacy (8F). My sister, Monica (29F), and I have never really gotten along, so she thinks I’m doing this just to hurt her. Honestly, I’m just trying to do what’s best for Stacy.
About a week before Monica got arrested, she kicked my mom out of her house who had been living with her for 9 years and helped raise her child. She said my mom and Stacy were the reason her boyfriend left her. My mom moved in with me in another state. Then, in February, Monica was arrested, Stacy was present. I won’t go into details, but Monica is still incarcerated and awaiting trial.
DCF opened a case for Stacy. My husband, my mom, and I went to take her into our custody. DCF noted Stacy was released to a relative and she’s been living with us ever since. They couldn’t provide written documentation because it wasn’t a formal state placement.
I’ve thought about a POA but I don’t feel Monica is stable enough to have Stacy back. A custody order would give legal protection so she can’t demand Stacy until she proves she has a safe, stable home.
Monica has lost her home and her car. When we went to collect Stacy’s things, the house was awful, roaches, animal feces and very dirty. Stacy said she sometimes went without food for a day or two.
She’d been homeschooled but tested at a kindergarten level. She also struggled with basic self care. I had to show her how to wash her hair and her body. She hadn’t been flushing the toilet because they avoided it at home to “save water”
Monica had a boyfriend for three years who didn’t meet Stacy until he moved in two years later. She quit her job, so his income was the only support. He was arrested several times for domestic violence, left during fights, and threatened to harm himself. Stacy said he once hit her by accident when she tried to defend Monica.
Monica used to be a great mom, but after getting involved with him, she changed. Stacy ended up on the back burner while her mom focused on the boyfriend.
I get that Monica probably feels like I’m overstepping, but sending Stacy back there doesn’t feel safe. I just want her to have a stable home where she’s cared for and can thrive.
So, AITA for trying to get custody of my niece?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I am taking custody of my niece. 2. My sister thinks I’m an asshole so I just want to know if I’m wrong for it or not
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, that little girl deserves safety and stability.
Your mom lived with them and allowed this to happen?
NTA. God bless you and your mom for caring about this little girl and what is best for her! Getting custody will also give you rights and privileges when she needs scholastic, medical, dental, or mental health care. It sounds like Stacey’s mom has a tough road ahead of her and I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to manipulate you into letting her also move in when she gets released/paroled. (Don’t do it!)
YWBTA if you also let that girl down and dont fight for her custody. Stop caring for your adult sister and prioritize the child.
NTA. Sounds like Monica is in no position to have any opinion on Stacy. She sounds very selfish and making it all about her.
I hope Stacy thrives with you.
NTA Stacey is a young kid who has been woefully neglected by her mom, maybe abused too. Monica is an adult responsible for herself and her choices. And why did your mom not do something about the neglect and filthy conditions in that house? I’m not saying your mom should have been the cleaning lady, but I think her judgement is quite questionable if she also failed to teach Stacey basics like bathing. Where is Stacey’s dad? Is he alive, in the country, fit to parent? My only concern would be that the courts would search for him and give him preference as the bio parent. That might be a question for a lawyer.
Other than dad concerns, go ahead and seek legal custody for all the reasons you state, and so that you have legal authority to make important decisions for Stacey. Stacey is a young dependent child in need a capable parents to provide her with a stable home. Monic is an adult responsible for herself and her own mistakes.
NTA. Your sister is in prison and wasn’t a fit mother even before her arrest. You’re doing what’s best for the child. Thank god she has someone like you around.
NTA- Please give that girl the loving and supportive home she deserves. Monica doesn’t deserve her back at all.
NTA you have to do what’s right for your niece, which you are already doing.
This doesn’t make sense. Kinship care is a real placement and dfs should still be involved and part of determining any permanent custody or guardianship and well as any conditions that your sister could regain custody.
You are a wonderful uncle to try to get yesterday of your niece. I hope it works out because she needs a good stable home and somebody that cared about her. You’re obviously care about your sister Stacey‘s mother and you will be able to balance the two while making sure that Stacey remains safeunder your care. Good luck. I hope everything works out.
NTA. The state of the filthy home alone is enough for a placement.
This won’t really be up to either of you. It’s a DCF case. They will have a goal of reunification. Either Monica will meet that goal or not. But this is not like a divorce where you just “go for custody.”
No you’re doing the right thing but sometimes that comes with stress.
NTA.
I’m surprised that DCF didn’t note that this was a kinship placement, etc.
Please do what’s right for this baby and go to bat for her!
No nta, my friend did this in a similar situation, the mom never got her sh!t together, her daughter got officially adopted by my friend around 3 years old, she is now in hs, honor student, athlete, beautiful inside and out and amazing. You do what you have to do to protect that little girl and give her a safe environment.
Also my friend was around your age when everything happened and it made her get her stuff together quick, one of the best people I know. You will never regret being there for her no matter what happens in the long run and I really hope one day your sister sees that and thanks you.