I (21M) have been dating my girlfriend (20F) for only two months and all has been going well, but I’ve realised that I’d much rather not know about her sexual past. It’s not that she has don’t anything wrong, the past is the past and I cannot change that, but I just know myself enough to admit that I’d end up getting jealous over things that don’t matter.
If it was something important or relevant to our relationship, of course I’d want to know. But beyond that, I genuinely prefer not to know anything.
An experience she had a few months before me came up in the flow of conversation and at the end of it, I became quite anxious. I know it’s something I need to work on myself to overcome this.
I’m curious how others see it, is that an immature mindset, or just setting a boundary for my own peace of mind?
TL;DR I am wondering if it’s bad if I try to avoid knowing about my partners sexual past (unless it affects our relationship) as it makes me very anxious and jealous.
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Immature and/or misogynistic
Retroactive jealously is a real thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being uncomfortable by hearing about your partner’s past experiences and it is actually pretty common. As long as it is not something you actively hold against her there isn’t anything wrong with setting that boundary.
Everyone has a preference. Even you said yourself that you get jealous and anxious over this, which you will absolutely need to work on.
Exes are and will be part of whoever you date now and in the future. They helped make who they are today. Learn to accept and celebrate that. You’re the one they’re dating now.
Is it immature? To me, yes. But you’re only 21, so this also matches up. The older you get, the more you’ll understand the above.
No, its not immature. Some people want to know, others don’t. Either is perfectly normal.
It’s not immature; it’s self-awareness. Maturity isn’t about handling every truth; it’s about knowing which ones serve your peace and which ones poison it.
Good for you. Neither my wife or I asked many questions about our respective pasts. Just enough to get a general idea of dating history and no further than that. Over the years we’ve discussed things in passing / when appropriate, but the details were never needed.