I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for about a year. Things are great, we’re happy, in love, and more connected than ever. But I recently found something that’s been eating at me.
We first met as friends online and fell for each other during a trip last year. The chemistry is incredible, emotionally, sexually, everything just clicks. We agreed on sexual exclusivity at the end of it, even though we weren’t “a relationship” yet and knew distance would make things tricky. Three weeks later, she told me she wanted to commit fully, and since then, we’ve built something real.
Recently, while we were scrolling through her phone together to find something from that first trip, I saw an old chat with her best friend, dated two days before she voiced her full commitment to me. The texts said a guy had “cancelled,” that they’d “talk next week,” and that she “badly wanted to find an opportunity to get a better experience.” It sounded like a hookup falling through.
When I asked, she said it was about work. But the texts were from 11 PM and didn’t mention anything about her search for a new job.. I told her I wouldn’t be mad if it was about a hookup. It was before we were official after all, I just wanted honesty. She got upset, said I didn’t trust her, and started crying. So I dropped it. Partly also because I didn’t want to reopen the whole “flirting with another guy” topic from that same early phase, something we had already resolved and moved past.
But the timeline bothered me. That same night a year ago, she sent me unusually high-effort spicy pictures, dressed up, her home tidier than usual, clearly not what you wear for a night at home. I even remember how much I enjoyed those photos back then, how I saw them as a sign of her commitment to me. She’d even asked for “permission to cum” that night, which we usually only do during our sexual moments together. It felt intimate, special, until now.
Now I can’t shake the thought that those photos were originally meant for someone else and the question was her loophole.
Maybe nothing happened. Maybe it really was about finding a new job. And in any case, she chose me. But it still feels like betrayal. To the exclusivity we agreed on, and especially because she brushed it off instead of talking honestly.
I’ve forgiven her for smaller things during that time before, (flirting/sexting with another guy before we full committed) but trying to hookup two days before she wants a full relationship feels different.
We’re amazing now, completely committed, focused on us and devoted. I don’t suspect cheating since then at all.
Should I bring it up again and reopen something we worked so hard to move past? I would forgive it but I want the honesty. Things have been going so incredible before I saw this, we both have been the happiest in our lifes and grew so much in this relationship, especially recently. I don’t want to shake or destroy this for potentially nothing or something that doesn’t even matter anymore. But I can’t stop thinking about all of this. And what could I do to stop pondering about it?
TL;DR: My girlfriend might have tried to hookup during our dating phase. Should I demand clarity about it and risk the relationship growth we achieved, especially as it doesn’t really matter anymore?