I (39f) have been in a relationship with my partner (50m) for 15 years, and I don’t think I want to be with him anymore.
The last year has been tough. He gave up his job to try to turn his passion into a career. We have been living off my salary for that time. I make enough money for us to live well on one income, and to begin with, I was supportive. Over the past year, I have watched him put little effort into his attempt to build a new career. He gets up late in the day, goes to the gym, and enjoys long walks. If he does any ‘work’, it begins mid-afternoon. He hasn’t made any effort to advertise his business.
All the while I am working. I get up early to get to the gym before work, work a full day, and finish late (I have a global role across multiple time zones).
I feel like he is coasting on my income, and I am beginning to feel taken advantage of. He loves his passion project, but I regret supporting it. I didn’t sign up to support another adult, and I am beginning to resent his lifestyle. I feel like he is less of someone working to start a business and more of someone who retired early on my income.
I am lonely. He spends every evening in the garage (he has a TV and couch in there), and I spend evenings alone. We eat separately, we go to bed separately, I wake up before him.
At the same time we haven’t had sex in 10 years. There were some mental health issues at the beginning of our relationship, killing our sex life, and we never got it back.
I am hitting 40. I have a career I am proud of and worked hard for. My company offered me the opportunity to work abroad, which I turned down as it didn’t work for him. I don’t want to marry him as I fear having to support him financially if we break up. We have a house, share our bank accounts, including a lot of savings (all from me).
I want to leave. I want to live by myself. I want to only worry about myself. I want to travel. I want to take up that opportunity to work abroad. I want sex!
At the same time, he is a good person! He loves and supports me so much. I wish sometimes he were a bastard so it would be easier, but he is the kindest person. My family love him. All our friends are his friends, and I have no support network. We still laugh and have fun but that isn’t enough anymore.
I am scared to death of leaving! I can not bear the thought of what it means to separate. Selling the house. Fighting over bank accounts. I worry I will miss him. And I am scared of what he will do without me. He has no job. No career. No income. I am scared for his future if I were to leave.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel lost 🙁
TL;DR; : I have been with my partner for 15 years, supporting him financially. He is a good person, but that isn’t enough anymore. What do I do?