TW: sexual assault
The title says it all. My (26m) friend (26f), Ella (not her real name), of nearly 10 years is getting married in November. I like her fiance and think theyre a good match so i wanted to support them. Then we had a fight a few days ago.
We were at dinner with my girlfriend and some mutual friends. a pretty small gathering. For whatever reason, we were talking about dumb stories, mostly relationship ones and one of the other friends there brought up her “first time”. without missing a beat ella turns to me and says “why didnt you enjoy it”. i kind of tried to ignore it.
For context. I was raped when i was 15 or 16 years old. Ella knows this but i think shes always kept the notion that men cant be raped or that i mustve enjoyed being forced because i’m a man. This has bugged me before but it had gotten to a point.
After i didnt respond, instead of taking it back or just leaving it she said to a friend “they broke up so he calls it ‘rape'” in a condescending manner. i say “would you enjoy being raped” she looked offended or shocked (i dont know which) and i said “yeah. thought so.” i left as soon as i payed my part of the bill and told her to enjoy her wedding because i wont be there. After i left she was blowing up my phone, calling me an asshole for “implying that i should be raped”, and said “its not the same. youre a man” on top of this she said “let me guess [Gf name] ‘raped’ you too?” etc.
I was hurt by this and i stood strong on my decision but im thinking i may have been an asshole for implying she needs to experience it to understand, which i guess she took as me saying i want her to be raped.
So AITAH (sorry for the long post)