So, a bit of background about my family. My mother (60F), is the youngest of 10 siblings. My mom frequently gets phone calls from them, especially the oldest sibling. Usually, they’re pretty tame.. But today, the phone call my boyfriend and I overheard was what we both considered to be incredibly hurtful / offensive.
My boyfriend and I were invited to her home for dinner. While we were eating our meal, my mother received a phone call from the oldest. We didn’t think much of it, until my mom started talking about one specific family member of ours.
My family is predominantly white (English and Irish roots), with only a few people being from different backgrounds. One of these people is my cousin, J(30). J is Native American and white. J also has three children who are Black, Native and White.
On the phone, my aunt told my mother that J recently bought a new coat. My mother made a joke that “she’s Native American, she should’ve just went outside and skinned a bunch of Buffalo instead.”
My boyfriend and I both stopped eating and just stared at her, jaws slacked. She just stared at us both while adding “maybe a deer or two would’ve been easier?” My boyfriend and I attempted to leave her home. She muted the phone call and screamed at me that I “don’t need to take everything seriously, and that it’s a joke about her being Native.” I told her it was gross and racist, prompting us to leave.
Since we’ve arrived home, she’s been messaging me saying that I need to live and stop being so literal. My boyfriend and I feel like we did the right thing, but she’s now claiming that I’m being difficult. She has constantly for the past 22 years speaking to me like this whenever I get even slightly defensive.
Am I the Asshole? Are we the assholes? Is she the asshole? Please help