My husband and I(33) have two children and one on the way. My oldest is 9 he has autism, and my youngest is 5 and was diagnosed with acute leukemia which we caught early and have been treating for the past several months. It’s been hectic and expensive, with insurance not covering everything.
I recently found out I was pregnant again (8 weeks) and I was excited to tell my older sister. She asked me if I was serious and I said yes, she didn’t sound too excited. Then she went on to say how she’s happy for me but I should’ve stopped where I’m at and how we’re going to drown ourselves in children finances. I explained how this wasn’t intentional and then she was immediately then you need to terminate, you’ve just been having bad luck. I immediately was upset and shocked by this of course. I asked her how she could think that way about her nephews and she says she loves them, but my life would be easier without all of this and I really shouldn’t be trying again and that others in our family would agree.
We got into an argument and I basically Screenshotted the message and sent it to our family groupchat; which did have her oldest child in it(16.) I immediately got a message from my sister saying how dare I do that; that she was just giving me honest advice no matter how Brutal and now I’m painting her as a horrible person. Her husband reached out to me as well saying that was an immature thing to do. AITA?
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^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My husband and I(33) have two children and one on the way. My oldest is 9 he has autism, and my youngest is 5 and was diagnosed with acute leukemia which we caught early and have been treating for the past several months. It’s been hectic and expensive, with insurance not covering everything.
I recently found out I was pregnant again (8 weeks) and I was excited to tell my older sister. She asked me if I was serious and I said yes, she didn’t sound too excited. Then she went on to say how she’s happy for me but I should’ve stopped where I’m at and how we’re going to drown ourselves in children finances. I explained how this wasn’t intention and then she was immediately then you need to terminate, you’ve just been having bad luck. I immediately was upset and shocked by this of course. I asked her how she could think that way about her nephews and she says she loves them, but my life would be easier without all of this and I really shouldn’t be trying again and that others in our family would agree.
We got into an argument and I basically Screenshotted the message and sent it to our family groupchat; which did have her oldest child in it(16.) I immediately got a message from my sister saying how dare I do that; that she was just giving me honest advice no matter how Brutal and now I’m painting her as a horrible person. Her husband reached out to me as well saying that was an immature thing to do. AITA?
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> I sent a screenshot of our messages to my family groupchat after my sister said hurtful things. She got upset and said I was painting her as a bad person and her husband says I’m immature. I may be the ah because it was our own private messages.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your sister was not saying hurtful things about your children, she was discussing family planning with you. Your children (the people) are lovely and beloved. Your children (the unexpected drain on resources) are costing you money due to their significant health expenses on top of the baseline cost of raising a child. It is entirely reasonable to discuss family planning with a sibling if you see that sibling already having financial difficulty and about to incur even more.
To retaliate by essentially publicly shaming her for this is absolutely ridiculous.
YTA 100% no question, and you not only owe her a public apology, you would be wise to request a second chance to hear her out, because her advice is reasonable.
Your nta because how you going to tell me how many kids I can and can’t have. If I am stable enough then let me be . The fact that you told me to terminate the baby is outrageyes your telling me to kill your own nephew or niece? Are we serious? Let’s be for real, now if you were in the same position and I told you that. you would react the exact same way and paint me as the bad person, so please
She was out of line to get involved in your personal decisions to that extent.
You were out of line to put her on blast with your entire family.
ESH.
NTA— unless you were asking her for money then she has absolutely zero say in your family status. And the only reason she’s upset is because now you’ve shown her true character to people. That’s not the image she wants to portray. If she really thought she was doing nothing wrong then she wouldn’t be ashamed of her words being displayed for the entire family to see.
YTA
She wasn’t being mean. She was being honest and keeping it real. You’re most likely going to need a village as your children grow and your sister is (or was) a part of it. She was giving sound advice.
You made the decision to publicly post her messages in a space where her teen could see. That was mean.
Apologize to your sister. You’re definitely going to need her help in the future
NTA. If you just screenshotted and shared, then any shame was well earned. The time for the “family planning” concern was past, if that was really her concern she should have brought it up before or another time, and without trying to unilaterally decide how your family would feel. If they’re all on her side of this, why is she so upset you shared what she said? Because she said awful s***, and she knows it.
Also, I’m not gonna make accusations at your sister, but those are eugenicist talking points she’s using.
NTA. I think it’s outrageously offensive for her to have acted that way towards you
YTA. She did not say hurtful things about your children, she stated facts: you have one child who is very sick, a child who has autism, and adding pregnancy + labor when you are stretched thin financially is a mistake.
If you were my sister, I would have advised you to abort because unfortunately this is not the time to have a third child.
And she said the fact you would be in a better place financially if you did not have children. I don’t know why you wanted to humiliate her when she didn’t lie, she isn’t supportive of the pregnancy.
And why mention her child in the group? You think this will affect the child for some reason? It won’t, because she isn’t saying that children are mistakes, only that you are not in the position to have another one at the moment.
YTA
ESH I’m biased but yeah she was way way wX amour if line am with some of her comments but the general message, about you having enough in your plate, do Sound true
Her telling out to terminate is shit though as well as your immediate reaction being to send it to your family. I do understand why you did it but there could have been a conversation about it
YBTA. But, what you did was worse. I’m surprised she didn’t mention that you shouldn’t have any more kids bc you’re clearly not mature enough yet. Like, what purpose does putting her message in a group chat (with her kid, no less!) serve?
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Your sister should try to learn that she shouldn’t say things she doesn’t want repeated
NAH/ESH – it’s just a hard situation all around.
I have sisters and they are the people I have tough talks with. Not sure if that is new for you and your sister, but if I wanted to get a real opinion they are who I call. Would I ever tell my sister to terminate?No, that is a personal decision. Would I ask my sister: How do you plan on juggling the competing needs of a newborn, a child with cancer, and an autistic child and make sure they all get what they need? Yes, I would.
I don’t think it’s fair that you wanted only excitement from your sister. She’s worried about you and she’s worried about your already living children. Was it colder than you wanted, yes, but this was coming from a place of concern.
If she’s the only person who didn’t immediately act excited for you, she’s probably one of the few that is being completely honest. This does feel like an impossible, but hopefully temporary, situation to manage.
I’m really sorry for everything you are going through, I cannot imagine that kind of struggle. I wish you the best with your pregnancy and hope your other child’s cancer treatment continues to work and they are healthy again.
If you are at all relying on your sister for childcare or financial assistance I would apologize immediately for putting her on blast. You’re going to need her in the future whether you want to or not.
NTA these comments are wild
Nta do not listen to your sister do not abort this child it is a gift you have been given a blessing any child plant or not is a blessing and to some of the ytas out there y’all are wrong a child is a blessing and this child is a blessing to her family it’s none of y’all’s business and plus I find it a little offensive that you put someone saying that a child who has autism is a problem I have autism and my parents don’t think it’s a problem.
YTA
YTA.
If you screenshot things from a private conversation with someone and share things in a groupchat, you are not the good guy.
Grow up
YTA
Your sister is right
So your sister is concerned that you can barely afford the kids you have and now you’re having more. Then it’s not enough that you’re insulted – you drag the whole family into it. YTA
I would say ESH. I get your feelings are hurt but it was childish and petty to post a screenshot to group chat. She sucks for not being a little more circumspect about it.
She has probably seen what you are going through and, in her mind, you are stretched so thin between your two current children, she doesn’t see how another one will add joy. Only more stress, less time, less money, less ability to function well both physically and mentally.
You are carrying a big load to begin with.
I don’t know your family history (it seems weird you didn’t call your sister to tell her about your pregnancy) or your beliefs on abortion so I can’t speak to that but your sister is correct that this is going to make your difficult situation even more difficult.
But her perspective is not your perspective. That doesn’t mean you should try to throw her under the bus just because you don’t agree. She may feel she’s the only one who might give you something to think about.
Everyone else might say to your face, “Oh, how wonderful!” But I guarantee you, most are probably behind your back saying the same thing your sister said to your face. Or phone, I guess, since you texted her about it.
After MUCH deliberation I am going to say…ESH.
You for screenshotting everything to the family groupchat (be honest with me, did you do it for any reason other than humiliate and/or hurt your sister? Because if you just wanted to see everyone’s else opinion on your pregnancy, you could have easily done it in more graceful ways).
Your sister for her choice of words. While possibly technically true, I would also react negatively if someone told me my life would be easier without my non-verbal autistic brother (he only understands 20~ words at age 8). What would I do with that information? Retroactively prevent a pregnancy?
Now while I believe her delivery makes her an asshole, I don’t think the content of what she said does. What she is trying to ask you is this…
Could you afford to give birth to another child with leukemia? Or someone whose medical needs will cost equal or more than your 5 year old child? If you can’t, what will your plan be? Whose health will you prioritize? Which child’s health will you neglect? And if you can somehow manage to afford it, can you still give all three children fair treatment? Can you ensure your oldest won’t feel neglected when his two younger siblings, simply because of all their medical needs involving more care and attention, ends up your priorities? Can you ensure he won’t become a glass child?
If you can say yes, actually. That you just posted about how expensive leukemia treatment just as a fun fact and not a sign of your reality, but actually you have heaps of money to afford another child with expensive medical needs and that you already have ways to make up to your oldest when “No mom can’t come to your game because she is taking the oldest to the hospital for chemo, and no dad can’t either as he is taking the youngest to a clinic for a routine checkup” …well then absolutely no problem from me. And I bet your sister would also feel differently once you explained this to her.
But what if this child is healthy?
I won’t deny that’s a possibility…and I truly pray that is indeed what happens… but then you can’t deny the possibility this child has even more health issues than your previous two.
This is some twisted reasoning. YTA.
NTA. The only time to discuss family planning with someone is if they explicitly ask for advice on it.
INFO are you able to cope financially? Is your postmark with husband Rock solid? Are you able to give each child time with parents separately and together?
YTA
Love isn’t all you need . And you re neglecting your other children by getting pregnant again.
WTF is up with all of these comments? It’s none of the sister’s business if OP is pregnant. And I am sure that the OP is aware of what is going on with her first two children. And yes, you can get pregnant on accident. Antibiotics and birth control pills do not mix, and you can become
Pregnant while taking both at the same time.
The sister can take her advice and put it towards herself. I have 5 kids (ages 22 to 39), two if them are autistic, and my oldest has epidermal Nevis syndrome along with autism. If I listened to people here I wouldn’t have had the second one as them first one drained all of our money.
YTA. This can’t be true
NTA. The amount of people saying otherwise is absurd. Accidents happen. Timing can suck. But that doesn’t give anyone the right to tell you to have an abortion. And she said others in the family would agree with her, so IMO it’s an FAFO moment. Either she FAFO’s and learns that no, others in the family do not agree with her. Or you just FAFO’d and learned there are others in the family that agree with her. It could go either way. It could be split. But to tell someone to abort just because “life is hard” is ridiculous. Should people who have kids that are neurospicy never be allowed to have another child because that child is “hard”? No. Same with one going through cancer. Would you tell someone to get rid of their already living children because an older sibling was found to have cancer? No. So why is it anyone else’s business to tell someone to abort just because the situation isn’t ideal? Abortion is a choice that lies with the one who is carrying that child and it should absolutely remain that way.
YTA, was she wrong? It didn’t sound like it to me. It sounded like she was worried (both for you and your kids, + any potential future kid) and giving you her honest opinion as your sister. Running to the group chat with it is wild. Also, I don’t see the part where she said anything mean about your kids?
You had no reason to post the screenshot. YTA
NTA I think people are missing the part where she said that because your children are disabled it’s be better if they were never born. That non existence is better than being autistic. your sister was dropping some serious eugenicist stuff. Could you have been more tactful in the group chat part? Yes but I understand doing that immediately without too much thought considering what it is she said.
Your sister is not wrong, and YTA
NTA
.
but your whole family needs some serious therapy, to cope with this kind of conflict.
Y’all not doing this well, go talk with a coach and get better tools.
YTA- your reproductive decisions are yours obviously, but your sister was absolutely correct to be concerned and the right thing to do is express your concerns when you feel like a family member is really struggling or making a bad decision. She came to you privately and expressed her concern, and you took those private communications and blasted them for everybody to see. That was wildly inappropriate of you to do.
She’s right, you have a special-needs child and one that is extremely ill. Any rational person would see it as a wild choice to add an extra child into that mix. It’s your choice to do so, but she’s not wrong for expressing concern. That future child is going to suffer greatly from your lack of time and finances
ESH. The sister isn’t talking about family planning- that horse has left the barn, and abortion should have only been brought up if OP was asking for advice, which she wasn’t. OP already knows how hard raising children is, especially medically needy children. Sis was out of line and should have been more sensitive.
But sharing private conversation like that was shitty.
ESH with you being worse. Your sister gave her unwanted opinion and doubled down after you made it clear you didn’t like what she had to say.
But for you to throw her to the wolves of your family group chat is some unhinged petty vengeance here. Why did you do that? Because you know she’s right and you ran out of defenses? Did you get what you wanted out of this?
you already have two children with severe issues. she’s not wrong.
YTA. You’re in over your head. Your sister had the balls to think about what’s best for your family. Get on her level.
YTA people really need to get their shit together when it comes to popping out these kids. you can’t just pop them out and not expect to suffer financially if you’re already suffering with the two you have. Your sister is watching out for you . She could’ve just said congrats and talked about you behind your back. Also you do know a kid needs a certain amount of attention right? How you gonna do that with three?
I feel like you’re not telling us everything. Do you tell your money troubles to your sister? Has she given you money? You said above that your child’s illness is very expensive. Do you have the money for another child? Did you want another child? If not, were you taking precautions not to have one? I’d recommend you abort, too.
YTA
You know very well that you can’t afford this child. You know very well that you’ll end up depending on the kindness of others to help, even if this child is perfectly healthy and neurotypical.
If there’s anyone in your life who should be able to give this to you straight, it’s your sister (assuming you have a relationship). She did what any good sister would: She prioritized YOU and your existing family. You, in turn, tattle-tailed to the whole family, including her daughter, doing your best to put all your worries and fears into blaming your sister. Work your issues out on your own, don’t create fall guys. YTA
You know very well that you can’t afford this child. You know very well that you’ll end up depending on the kindness of others to help, even if this child is perfectly healthy and neurotypical.
If there’s anyone in your life who should be able to give this to you straight, it’s your sister (assuming you have a relationship). She did what any good sister would: She prioritized YOU and your existing family. You, in turn, tattle-tailed to the whole family, including her daughter, doing your best to put all your worries and fears into blaming your sister. Work your issues out on your own, don’t create fall guys. YTA
YTA. Your sister didn’t say anything negative about your kids. She pointed out the struggles you are already facing and the fact that you are willingly adding to them. That’s called being a good sister. Even if you are completely against abortion and are offended by the suggestion, that does not mean that you become childish and petty and post the wntire co versation to your family group chat. What was the point in doing that? What were you hoping to accomplish? Seriously? I think it’s past time you take a hard look at yourself, your decisions, and your actions. You have had a rough go of it for many years, and it seems like your reactions are over the top and misplaced.
ESH. Your sister was out of line. You were also out of line. You should both be embarrassed and apologize. And you and your husband should have a serious conversation about your family situation.
YTA for sending a private conversation to a group chat. What was the purpose of that?
ESH
You’re being irresponsible
She crossed a line
You crossed it right back
Technically everyone is right that you shouldn’t have blasted the text to your family but I’m pretty spiteful and would have done the same thing.
YTA yes it was immature to do so. If you’re so worried about “how she sees your kids” then you should be equally judged for how you view her kid by putting needless and context less drama in front of her child in a group chat, which would have made your niece feel uncomfortable, and possibly ostracised as part of the “offending side” of the family.
ESH.
This seems like a conversation better had in person, not over text. It was wrong of her to suggest you terminate a pregnancy when this is clearly a wanted baby, but I don’t think her having concerns about how a third baby could impact your finances and time and attention is misguided or unwarranted. At this point, you’re pregnant so she just needs to keep her opinions to herself and offer support where she can.
However, I don’t think it was wise or necessary to screenshot the conversation and share it with family that weren’t involved in the initial text exchange. You could always ask a family member to mediate for both of you, in person, to try to resolve the conflict, but you’re an adult… Tattling on your sister because you didn’t like what she said is harmful to your relationship with her and putting your family in the middle of this situation and forcing them to choose sides is wrong.
The only thing you exposed was how petty you can be when someone doesn’t perform how you expect them to or validate your life decisions the way you think they should.
NTAH if your sister was giving you her honest opinion/advice she shouldn’t be embarrassed by anyone else’s reactions. She should stand by. If it was good enough to say to you why couldn’t others see it?
YTA. Your sister gave sound advice, and you were painfully immature and decided to drag other people into it.
ESH. If someone I knew told me they were excited about being pregnant again when they had 2 kids with high medical needs, including a kindergartner with leukemia, and was struggling financially, I’d wonder what the fuck they were thinking. But I’d never say that out loud. Your reproductive choices are none of your sister’s business. Even though she was speaking from a place of concern, she should have kept it to yourself and just given a heartless “congratulations”. She was the asshole for what she said.
And you were the asshole for weaponizing your offense. There was zero reason to run to a family group chat with this.
YTA.
Nah If she wants to give her opinion, she should be willing to stand by it.
YTA. For dragging your whole family into drama between you two instead of being an adult and for completely missing the point of her messages or choosing not to. I’m willing to bet her intent wasn’t insulting your children, and she was asking a valid question because she’s worried about you and your kids- both of your kids already need a lot in terms of time, energy and money. Adding another will certainly strain all those resources. Why not manage these things while you’re ahead of it.
YTA. She was honest with you. She’s not wrong. She never attacked your kids. She loves you and probably sees you struggling.
NTA. As one who has lost a child, no one had better tell me to abort a second one.
Unfortunately,
You are not sure if your child with cancer is going to survive. I understand. I am trying with all my might to hold on with my surviving
Give your self some grace
Info: did you put it in the group chat to ask if other people really do agree like she said or did you just put it out there to be petty?
NTA. People need to learn to be able to stand by what they say. I don’t want other people to know what you said? Don’t say it.
ESH. She’s right.
YTA, because why did you feel the need to share that in the group chat? Your sister expressed a genuine concern because she’s clearly not reassured by your financial/situational circumstances no matter how much you tell the people on Reddit otherwise. You could have calmly reassured her that you would have no issue raising this child financially, instead you chose to misconstrue her words, intentionally to other family members.
I think you jumped the gun with assuming your sister had ill intentions.
YTA, you have one child with additional needs, another fighting cancer, and think it’s a great thing to throw another baby on top of that? Honey, gently, your hands are full as it is an honestly I can’t imagine thinking a third baby would be a blessing in this instance. Don’t show private conversations to other people. Grow up and be more responsible!
WTF is up with all of these comments? It’s none of the sister’s business if OP is pregnant. And I am sure that the OP is aware of what is going on with her first two children. And yes, you can get pregnant on accident. Antibiotics and birth control pills do not mix, and you can become
Pregnant while taking both at the same time.
The sister can take her advice and put it towards herself. I have 5 kids (ages 22 to 39), two if them are autistic, and my oldest has epidermal Nevis syndrome along with autism. If I listened to people here I wouldn’t have had the second one as them first one drained all of our money
YTA. I bet the family members in the chat are secretly agreeing with her.
Sis definitely overstepped. However, it was a conversation between the two of you, not everyone else. What did you hope to accomplish by publishing screenshots to the family group chat? So you can say “See? See how she talks to me?” so that you can be right? You’re an adult and a parent. Grow up.
YTA. A big one.
Unless I missed something, she didn’t say anything hurtful about your children. YTA for bringing the whole family along for the ride including her child.
ESH.
Your sister for suggesting you terminate a wanted pregnancy. She may have her opinions but it’s not her place to suggest that. And absolutely not the time to do so.
You for sharing screenshots with the group chat that has her kid. Unnecessarily petty.
Telling someone to abort their child is f-Ed up. Saying that you would be better off without your children because they are disabled is UNACCEPTABLE. She said everyone would agree. So you asked the group. It’s called FAFO people. She made it clear the conversation wasn’t private. Nta
NTA
NTA
NTA
You 100% are the asshole. While she shouldn’t have said that, you also shouldn’t put her on blast like that to the whole family including kids!
YTA
What hurtful thing did she say about your kids? I’m not seeing that part, did you delete it?
You may have the money but those kids need time and attention with all that’s going on. They need support, and you are going to be working with a newborn. Your kids are going to suffer for this decision
NTA
This comment section is seriously wild af.
Please keep protecting yourself and your children, you have done a great job with showing your sister’s true face so everyone knows who she really is.
I feel so sorry for your niece though. Should anything happen to her, it is sad how her mother will just abandon her most likely, as she will also become a burden.
Poor child, but at least she also knows now not to trust her mother anymore.
People who think any of this is normal are so seriously messed up in the head that they are the ones who should never have children instead.
YTA. You had no business sharing that with her child. With as immature as you seem to be, your sister was right. You were hurt and wanted to hurt her back.
Why would you involve people who don’t need to be involved? Adults should be able to deal with things on their own without making an all out drama happen.
YTA. Your sister is right, you just dont want to hear it.
YTA because what you did was just petty and doesn’t help any situation. I grew up in a family that had a child diagnosed with cancer as a toddler. Everyone’s focus was on that child because managing that cancer was a full-time job. Anxiety runs high all the time because little things become life and death situations. The healthy children suffer some neglect because the other child needs so much focus, and the adult only has so much time in a day. You are already managing two children who need high levels of focus because of their medical needs. Bringing in a 3rd child when you don’t have to right now does seem irresponsible, and the sister’s concerns are pretty valid. It’s not just about the finances; it’s also about the time and care the kids need and the quality of life everyone has.
ESH, BUT I would have done the same thing, (but removed her kid.) It’s her opinion she should stand by it publically.
I think I’d say NTA if you had taken her kid out of the group text, and it was adults only.
On the scale of arseholes you are a minor she is a major.
You shouldn’t have screen shot the conversation and shared it with everyone.
She should have kept her opinion to herself regarding “you should terminate”. Honestly with a child with leukemia, this baby may provide alternative treatment options as it’s cord blood could cure their sibling.
Children are always a financial burden and we wouldn’t have them if we were worried about money.
When someone tells you their pregnant you talk about all options but you never tell them what to do. There is no right or wrong decision, it’s purely about what the prospective parents can live with.
I think you should apologize for sending the screenshots, but be clear and tell her what she said was exceptionally hurtful and unnecessary. That even being responsible with birth control surprises come along, and you’re aware of your existing challenges, you’re happy to talk about options but being TOLD to terminate was a continent (not a bridge) too far.
Good luck with everything, regardless of whatever decisions you make.
It doesn’t sound like you asked for her advice. And she doesn’t get a vote.
NTA
Nta
YTA
NTA! But, you are kinda too. Laughable that you simply posted her words and they make her look like an asshole. You certainly couldn’t help that and she knows it.
But I suggest apologize to the group for loosing your mind and sending something that was between you and her and not appropriate for group chat. But know that her words painted her in a poor light. You just shared them in an inappropriate setting. And maybe a personal note to your niece apologizing for fighting with her mom in the chat.
Edit to add: all but the first 5 symbols, hit enter too soon!
ESH, sister had no right to tell you to get an abortion but you had no right to screenshot the conversation and put it in the group chat especially since her son is part of that group chat what are you wanting from this her child to hate her?
You have a very sick child that needs extra care, and it sounds like you’re already stressed, and struggling financially. Your sister is concerned about your family’s health and it’s finances. Could she have had more tact? Yes. Does that mean you should demonize her for caring? No. YTA. Be an adult, have some emotional intelligence, and use your words.
YTA.
Whilst your end choice is absolutely yours, She is absolutely correct in bringing those concerns up that you’re ignoring- please, look up Glass children, look up divorce rates when cancer is in a family unit. Add to that your already admitted financial issues, and it’s a pretty bleak outcome for all three of your children- and their aunt was doing her job in pointing out the challenges ahead.
Can you overcome them all? I don’t know. But I would strongly suggest you sit down, balance the financial, time and emotional books and ask yourself if you can guarantee this child won’t become a glass child, or face any major consequences for your choice.
And you absolutely owe your sister an apology- she was looking out for your family in a way you weren’t in that moment, and she did not deserve to be put on blast for having your back.
If you weren’t doing anything to prevent a pregnancy then yes it was intentional
ESH It was shitty of her and it’s ridiculous she is upset yet not apologetic. She’s mad because she’s ashamed and ashamed because she knows it was shitty. If she didn’t want people knowing she was saying those things, she shouldn’t have said them.
What you did was shitty and retaliatory. There were certainly more civil ways to react, but I think we have to accept that being the asshole is a-ok sometimes.
yta for allowing your 16 year old kid to become aware of hurtful things your sister said
YTA for posting a private conversation publicly to family. You didnt like the fact she held value in her words. Your sister maybe poorly articulated it but shes right. Youre bringing another child into a dynamic where it will receive minimal attention. Your current youngest is extremely ill, it will be constant doctors, chemo, radiation, illness, keeping them away from so much to not catch illness. You just said your financially going through it because insurance doesnt cover everything. Transparently yeah bringing a new baby into the equation seems kind of wrong. You can do whatever you want but your sister was removing the rose colored glasses from your eyes since she wasnt seeing the whole picture not just how exciting it could be to have another baby.
ESH, but I think you more than her. You already have two kids with high needs, and you’re going to add another? That’s bad parenting. She sucks because it’s really not her business. (Note: It is 100% her business if she helps y’all. If she helps you, my vote is Y-T-A.)
YTA.
YTA. she’s right, it’s completely selfish and borderline irresponsible to have another baby right now. if you can’t handle baby #3 it’ll come at the expense of your other children who already have additional needs. that’s just awful
ESH. She shouldn’t have said something so shitty to you. You should have kept it between the two of you.
Yta.
NTA – Giving someone advice is fine. Telling them to terminate the pregnancy 100% crossed the line.
YTA.
You have two children who already need a great deal of care and deserve to live their lives to the fullest. Babies require 24/7 care. What happens if this baby has autism, too? How will you give each of them the love and care they deserve?
Your sister was harsh, but maybe not harsh enough if you’re doubling-down and tattling. So I’ll do it instead:
How much are you prepared to lose in exchange for convincing yourself this is the right decision?
YTA. Your sister was honest given your situation and circumstances. You’re just upset she didn’t tell you what you want to hear. Having a third child is a poor choice and one that the child will not thank you for later. Sharing a private conversation in the group chat is passive aggressive.
YTA
Your children are already having a difficult time, and I imagine you’re also having a difficult time. You’re choosing to add another baby to the mix with 2 children already struggling. I just have to hope you don’t have the ideals of a healthy child to help care for the others.
They’ll have to adjust to a pregnant mother then a post-pregnancy mother with a newborn all while dealing with their other current struggles. Each child will need individual attention and care. The oldest with their autism and understanding what all is happening with pregnant mommy, sick sibling, and new infant. The middle with their illness and scheduling to deal with said illness. Then your infant child and the scheduling needed to deal with the pregnancy then birth then aftercare.
I understand babies are exciting and you want that dopamine hit during trying times but dopamine doesn’t last forever nor does it invoke the same dopamine in others, such as with your current children or worried family members.
She’s your sister that you’re evidently close to, she’s probably not giving you general advice but advice specific to you based on what she knows of your situation and struggles. You should be glad someone loves you enough to risk your ire, upset, and relationship in order to tell you the hard truths privately instead of behind your back or in an echo chamber group chat.
If she was hounding you, then sure, she sucks and blast her. But you took a private conversation to a group family chat that includes her own child. Because you knew they’d tell you what you want to hear and tear her down so her words don’t matter so much in the face of all of the praise. Because her words are true so you need the empty echos to down out her truth. 🤷🏻♀️ & It is an echo chamber or else you wouldn’t feel so comfortable immediately taking a personal dispute to it.
YTA.
As someone who survived adult leukemia it’s obviously no walk in the park. She was concerned for your ability to manage and gave out of pocket and blunt advice. All of this is grounds for some emotional response but blasting the conversation to a FAMILY chat with her DAUGHTER in it just makes you a problem starter.
Learn to sit with your woes before acting on them, as this reflexive response surely irrevocably has tainted not only the family; but your children as well.
Just because it was uncomfortable to hear or read, doesnt mean that what your sister said wasn’t the truth. The truth hurts sometimes but it’s better to face it and make a sensible decision before you bring another kid into this. (I’m not saying you shouldn’t have another kid, just that you need to think sensibly about it before it’s too late to turn back)
YTA.
YTA. She’s genuinely concerned for you and your family. As would any reasonable person be.