Hey everyone, I’m really lost about how to handle this, so I’d love some outside perspective.
About a week ago, my best friend met a guy on Facebook. They started seeing each other immediately, and she’s already been staying over at his place multiple nights. Just two days ago, he told her that he has a serious heart condition and that he basically stopped getting treatment because he was depressed. He said his body “doesn’t produce enough blood,” that strong emotions could literally kill him, and that his doctors only gave him two years to live.
He also told her that his friends stopped accompanying him to the hospital because they couldn’t handle all the “bad news” anymore, and that his ex was abusive and the reason he almost died of depression. Now he says he’s finally feeling hope again because he met her, and that he’ll go back to treatment “soon” but when she offered to go with him, he said he wanted to rest for now, that he will start soon and she can go with him (first he needs to do some treatments to see if he can do this treatment)
It’s only been a week, and honestly, something feels very wrong. My friend is completely blinded by the story and says she believes him. I told her to be careful, but I feel like she thinks I’m just being negative or jealous?
What’s worrying me even more is that she said even if it turns out to be a lie, she might stay with him anyway because she’s already in love and “really likes him.”
She even mentioned that if he gets worse, she might drop out of college to take care of him — and that’s really upsetting because she worked so hard to get into a program she finally enjoys.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be the “bad friend” who tells her not to believe him, but I also can’t just watch this happen. What would you do in this situation? How can I help her see things clearly without pushing her away?
He also said how much he loves her and wants to marry her soon, but also telling her to not imagine them as an old couple because he will die soon
TDLR; My best friend met a guy a week ago who already moved in and told her he has a terminal heart condition, can’t produce enough blood, and might die in two years. He refuses treatment for now, and she believes everything. She even said she’d stay with him even if he’s lying because she’s already in love. She’s talking about quitting college to take care of him, and I don’t know how to help or what to say. Something feels really off.
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He needs a background check can you stalk his social media? I would also tell her family this is going on before she does something drastic. The hormones when u first meet someone can make you do drastic things.
She’s not in love with him, she is infatuated and also pities him.
Most importantly: he needs to find the will to live on his own, not because of her. He’s going to make her feel like if she leaves him he will lose the will to live and she will be trapped in that relationship regardless of how things actually are. Sounds like a setup for abuse
Does your bestie have a history of being really naive and making poor decisions because of that? If so, is there an angle there that you could maybe approach from? Like, “Im so glad you’re happy but I cant help remembering how things were at first with JimBob and that turned out to be such a bad situation for you that I’m worried about it happening again.”
Maybe that would give you an in to talk about the specific worrying things you’re seeing.
Im so sorry this is happening. Its so hard to watch your friend walk into a dumpster fire like this and feel helpless to stop it.
Have her folks spend the money on a full background check.
You should tell her that she’s going very fast and that he sounds like there are some porkies involved/he’s got lots of drama hanging on him. But overall, you can’t stop her from doing what she wants to do. All you can say is tell her once what bothers you and otherwise, be a listening ear for when she dives deep in the doodoo and has to crawl out. Don’t crawl with her. Just cheer her on.
If he has a diagnosed, fatal condition, it has a name. Ask for the name of the condition so you can read up on it. If strong emotions could kill him, so could sex, right? Lol I bet sex is just fine. But if he truly can’t exert himself that is a massive life-altering condition and he would look sickly. He would avoid stairs and lifting objects and possibly be in a wheelchair (seriously if strong emotions could do it, so could a heavy box). Lean into it, find resources for medical equipment and research the condition and find stories/photos of people who have it. How did he make it to adulthood without strong emotions??