My girlfriend (20F, turning 21) and I (22M) have been back together for a while now.
Earlier this year, when we were broken up, I booked a two-week trip to Thailand with some of my close mates. It’s been planned and paid for months in advance. Because we’re all paying together, we’ve lined up some really cool places and experiences for a good price, and it’s something we’ve all been looking forward to for a long time.
The issue is that the trip ends two days after her 21st birthday. She’s asked me to leave early so I can be home for the actual day. I told her I’d celebrate properly with her before or after I get back, but she said that’s not the point. She wants me there on the day itself.
She feels like I’m choosing my friends over her, and that it’s unfair I’d miss such a big milestone. I’ve tried to explain that the trip was already in motion before we got back together, and it’s not about choosing anyone over her. It’s also not just about the money I’ve spent, it’s about the experience itself.
This trip means a lot to me. It’s something I’ve been building toward for a while, and I won’t get to do it again in the same way. It’s a chance to travel, make memories, and actually enjoy something I’ve worked and saved for. It’s also a milestone for me in a different sense. I’ve always been someone who puts others first, so I wanted to finally do something for myself and see it through.
I completely understand that your 21st is a big deal, and I’d be sad too if the roles were reversed. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone to change plans that were made months before the relationship was even back on.
I love her and I understand why she’s disappointed, but it feels like I’m being guilt-tripped for following through on something that’s important to me, both practically and personally.
So, AITA for not wanting to cut my trip short by two days to be home for my girlfriend’s 21st?
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My girlfriend (20F, turning 21) and I (22M) have been back together for a while now.
Earlier this year, when we were broken up, I booked a two-week trip to Thailand with some of my close mates. It’s been planned and paid for months in advance. Because we’re all paying together, we’ve lined up some really cool places and experiences for a good price, and it’s something we’ve all been looking forward to for a long time.
The issue is that the trip ends two days after her 21st birthday. She’s asked me to leave early so I can be home for the actual day. I told her I’d celebrate properly with her before or after I get back, but she said that’s not the point. She wants me there on the day itself.
She feels like I’m choosing my friends over her, and that it’s unfair I’d miss such a big milestone. I’ve tried to explain that the trip was already in motion before we got back together, and it’s not about choosing anyone over her. It’s also not just about the money I’ve spent, it’s about the experience itself.
This trip means a lot to me. It’s something I’ve been building toward for a while, and I won’t get to do it again in the same way. It’s a chance to travel, make memories, and actually enjoy something I’ve worked and saved for. It’s also a milestone for me in a different sense. I’ve always been someone who puts others first, so I wanted to finally do something for myself and see it through.
I completely understand that your 21st is a big deal, and I’d be sad too if the roles were reversed. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone to change plans that were made months before the relationship was even back on.
I love her and I understand why she’s disappointed, but it feels like I’m being guilt-tripped for following through on something that’s important to me, both practically and personally.
So, AITA for not wanting to cut my trip short by two days to be home for my girlfriend’s 21st?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I know her 21st birthday is a really important milestone for her, and I’m still choosing to stay on the trip instead of flying home early. I understand that could make her feel like I don’t care enough or that I’m not putting her first on a day that means a lot to her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Ur not TA she sounds very unreasonable
NTA. Enjoy your holiday.
NTA. Just go and enjoy yourself.
Nta because you booked it before you were together. I do think I’d be very sad if my boyfriend missed my birthday, but it was already booked and paid for. As long as you still celebrate it should be okay.
NTA. Your 21st is also not that big a deal. I mean it can be. But it’s hardly a sign of disrespect if you aren’t there.
NTA, your trip has been booked and paid for before you got back together.
It will cost you more to suddenly cut it short for her.
Enjoy this epic adventure with your friends and don’t let her guilt tripping you cast a shadow over your experience in Thailand.
NTA. It’s only 2 days and this trip will be an awesome experience.
I get she’s disappointed, but it goes both ways and she should be supporting you in this, traveling is a big deal!
It’s not like you did this deliberately.
You will regret this in the future if you capitulate to her unreasonable demand.
TBH, I feel like you should find someone who supports you better.
NTA, that’s quite an unfortunate situation to be in but you shouldn’t cut your trip short. You could compromise by maybe spending an hour on the phone with her on the day of her birthday or preparing a surprise she could find on the day of while you’re away and reassuring her that you’re sorry you can’t be there today but you love her and you’ll make it up to her. If you do decide to cut your trip short though, she should pay for the cancellation fees and flight changes as it’s only fair.
NTA
She’s unreasonable. Time to break up again.
NTA. She’s using emotional blackmail. I think it’s wonderful that you can empathize with how she might feel. Doing so does not mean you should change your trip date.
NTA. She’s using emotional blackmail. I think it’s wonderful that you can empathize with how she might feel. Doing so does not mean you should change your trip date.
NTA.
Live your life.
Honestly, you are 22. The chances that gf will be your forever person is a bit iffy. The chances you will remember the trip forever is 100%.
Why put blemish on something you’ve worked hard to save, are excited about and so precious to you over a person that may or may not be there in your future?
Crucially – if she’s mature and love you, she’d put your needs first and understand & respect your decision without trying to emotionally blackmail you.
Don’t come back early you stay on your holiday you will deeply regret it when you break up again. Friends are friends for life 💓 💛 💖 your current relationship sounds rocky. Please enjoy your holiday 😊
Nta it’s only 2 days. And you already broke up before, you booked it in that time, so yeah it’s a pity for her. But not a loss
NTA.
NTA.
NTA either she still needs to grow up or she knows exactly what she’s doing and is trying to emotionally manipulate you in which case break up permanently op
NTA.
Are you sure it was worth getting back together with someone so selfish?
She’s going to be 21 for 365 days so missing the first two days of it isn’t a problem.
NTA. You will still have your friends long after you forget about your ex-gf.
NTA. The money is reason enough.
NTA. Seriously. I understand she’s sad about you not being there, but come on. It’s not the end of the world..
Going all the way to Thailand for less than 2 weeks isn’t worth it. Having to rebook everything is super expensive and not worth it.
Having to leave early and be on that plane for so freaking long on your own without friends is not worth it. And you would be resentful sitting there alone, realising all the stuff you are missing out on… for a birthday. A birthday you can also celebrate a few days later and make it special together.
NTA for choosing yourself over her. That’s who you are “choosing” here, and that’s who you SHOULD be choosing in this situation.
No, it’s not really that big of a milestone bday. It’s unfair to ask that you give up part of a big trip that will be a hopefully a great experience, and may not always have to chance to do again while young and with friends. She can wait a couple of days, if not, then sounds like she’s being pretty unreasonable.
NTA
NTA.
If she insists, break up before your trip.
Get back together after your trip,
NTA it is just a birthday
NTA. You booked it while you weren’t in a relationship with her.
While it would be a nice gesture if you return early it’s not something she should expect you to do.
NTA. It is very unkind towards you of your girlfriend to try to pull this. I hope she is a nicer and less self-absorbed person in other fields.
NTA it was already booked,
She doesnt want to endlessly explain to her guests why you are not here, and so avoid being judged. After all, she’s not an adult yet.