We’ve been married for about a year. I work construction about three hours away, usually 12-hour shifts, and my wife works from home. We both share our locations to feel connected while I’m gone.
A few days ago she had a mid-week day off and went into the city to hang out with a mutual friend. Communication was spotty, which isn’t unusual when I’m working. Later I noticed her location at an unfamiliar address. I didn’t think much of it until I remembered there was an event we’d bought tickets for months ago, so I called to remind her. She didn’t answer.
Our mutual friend told me he’d dropped her off at another man’s house — someone I’d never heard of. Eventually she answered my call and mentioned she was borrowing this guy’s car (he had previously offered). She said there were “more people at the house,” that she went swimming and played pool. When I asked what she wore swimming, she said she went skinny-dipping, “on brand” for her, since she’s always seen body freedom as empowering.
I told her I felt disrespected — it’s not about nudity itself but about boundaries in marriage. She got defensive and accused me of wanting her to “say something I didn’t like so I could justify hanging up.”
We’ve had a hard year learning how to handle conflict without escalation, and it’s almost impossible to have these talks over the phone while I’m away. I plan to address it calmly in person when I’m back in five days, but right now I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m reacting reasonably or if I’m being controlling.
TL;DR:
Wife stayed overnight at another man’s house who’s shown interest in her, went skinny-dipping there, and says I’m overreacting. Unsure what’s a fair boundary versus insecurity.
Comments
so a she spends the night at a guys house that likes her and has no problem parading her naked self to him. i think i’ve had enough reddit for today 😐
Save all the writing there’s no context that makes this understandable. Divorce or she’ll cheat again and again. You can’t make her respect you or your marriage only she can do that and clearly she doesn’t have the character to. Better to stop now than to have kids and be dealing with a much bigger mess
Yeah thats crazy. Sounds like you caught her / she didnt plan on telling you about it
Your TL;DR includes different info than your actual story and that is confusing.
Where in your story do you talk about the overnight stay? Did she say anything about staying overnight or are you assuming?
Where in your story do you explain about this man showing interest in her? How did you discover this and what exactly happened?
Ask her , what would she say if u spend a night with one of ur female co-worker
My advice is find a good friend, lend him all your savings and as much personal things like cars ,tv and what not then once all that done file for divorce. Feeling for you dude its not a good sign.
At a minimum its inarguably disrespectful. Wow.
Some marriages can work long distances, and then there is this. You can go to therapy or counseling, but you’d be throwing money away. Your wife stripped down at some dude’s house and insisted it is your insecurity that is the problem? Come on man, lawyer up and move on. Quit paying for her to date other guys.
If she said sorry, atleast you can consider giving another chance. But she is DARVOing here. Plus, the fact that you think this might fall under the category of ‘insecurity’ shows that she has brainwashed you pretty good. Good luck to you.
NOR. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…
Honestly, she’s so brazen there’s zero chance she has any remorse. You may as well call a lawyer now.
Really? You have no choice as to how you proceed
Yeah leave, big red flag, she cheated sorry
Well, it depends what context your marriage is in.
If you have a normal monogamous marriage with no other random agreements or promises in place…. well sir, this is a LONG WAY beyond the line.
So she’s at another man’s house who u say has feelings for her she spent the night playing pool and shiny dipping with him. And she doesn’t see that she did anything wrong here . Even if what she did is the whole truth she crossed so many boundaries and some would consider it cheating.
What’s to discuss?
She has no respect for you or your relationship.
At least respect yourself enough to not fall for her bullshit and walk away with some dignity.
While I think she definitely crossed the line here, I would say that you are also crossing the line by obsessively watching your wife’s every move while you’re away. Neither of these are healthy or normal behaviors in a marriage.
Your wife stayed the night at another man’s house, stripped down and was parading around naked in front of him, with very little communication with you, her husband, all while you’re conveniently out of town and you’re wondering about boundaries and being seen as controlling? You should be wondering about finding a good divorce lawyer instead.
What ??? Seriously??? Would she be okey with u skinny dipping with other ladies at some one else’s house in her absence . Just think about it .
I what universe does this kind of shit happen? Do people no longer actually like the person they choose to be in a relationship with?
This sounds like fake post, sorry.
Why did you ask her what she wore swimming?
If my wife stayed overnight at a man’s house I didn’t know – who had seen her naked – she wouldn’t be my wife anymore.
Bro, seriously?