Two weeks ago, it was mine and Mark’s anniversary, we’ve been dating for two years. We had plans after he finished work, but he never showed up. I tried to call and text him, but he ignored me all day and didn’t contact me until after 1am. He was drunk and went on a rant about how I deserved this because I shouldn’t have invited Jason (my ex) to my parents’ house. I was pretty mad at him and told him I thought we should break up. He ended apologizing profusely and assuring me he would never do something like that again and he was just feeling insecure. I decided to give him a second chance.
To clarify about Jason, we had an amicable break up three years ago because we didn’t like having a long-distance relationship whilst he was away for med school. My dad had a heart attack a week before my anniversary and Jason** went to see him since his mom is friends with mine. Me and Mark turned up whilst he was there. Jason was discussing some of the treatment options the doctors had given my dad with my mom. He left a little while later. When he left, my mom made a comment about how helpful Jason was. Mark mentioned later that he didn’t like that Jason was there or what my mom said about him, but I reassured him he was there as a family friend and not an ex. He seemed to be over it after that.
Yesterday, Mark’s friend Penelope mentioned how Mark had gone out with her and a group of her friends that day. I’m furious because he told me he had spent the day at a bar alone getting drunk. Mark doesn’t understand why I’m angry over this since I already forgave him for missing our anniversary.
TL;DR – My boyfriend got jealous because my ex visited my sick dad so he stood me up on our anniversary as “revenge”. He claimed he was at a bar alone, but I just found out he was with a female friend (and her friends). He doesn’t understand why I’m angry.
**Just to clarify, I didn’t invite Jason over, we haven’t spoken since 3 months into my relationship with Mark, his mom asked him to visit. I didn’t know he was going to be there.
UPDATE –
After I posted, I asked Mark for some space to think and went to stay with my parents. He was upset but said he would respect my decision. He did send me one text after I left which said he was sorry, and he loved me.
Jason’s mom called me the day after to ask if she could give him my number. This was very random since he’s always respected my decision not to stay in touch with him, so I figured it had to be something important. I gave her the go ahead and Jason called me later in the day. He sounded pretty irritated on the phone and asked me to tell my boyfriend to leave him alone. Mark had been harassing him on facebook all day since I moved out. He’d sent him some nasty and threatening messages and he also commented on every picture that included me on his profile. Mark’s messages read like he was drunk, not that that is an excuse. Jason did block him, but Mark kept making new accounts. I was super embarrassed by his behavior and apologized to Jason and told him I’d talk to Mark.
Mark denied it. He tried to say Jason faked the screenshots he sent me to make Mark look bad. When I told him I didn’t believe him, he got angry and tried to twist it back onto me again. He asked me why Jason even had my number, why we were even talking to each other and he accused me of letting him ruin our relationship. He also made a comment about how I should just go f*ck Jason if that’s what I wanted.
I think my relationship is dead. I wanted to try to address his jealousy and how he handles it to see if we could work things out, but he just isn’t willing/able to talk about it without getting defensive. The last conversation I had with Jason was him sending me a screenshot of Mark apologizing to him but this just feels performative now.
I don’t really know what I’ll do now.
TL;DR – I went to stay with my parents so I could have space to think about the state of our relationship. My bf decided to use that time to harass my ex over facebook. He still refuses to see his jealousy is irrational and twists everything to make it my fault.