I lost my father when I was a teen. Not in US. I haven’t seen my mother in over 18 months but the last 3 times was us going to them, which is a 5 hour drive.
I’m (30F) still on her Healthcare plan. I’m supposed to be on my works Healthcare plan but the accountant sucks and for the last 4 months I’ve been trying to get her to do her job.
For the last eight months the only times my mum has called or texted me is to ask me to pay for my Healthcare plan, or to complain about money. Please note she lives in a very big, very expensive house and her husband hasn’t worked in the 17 years they’ve been together. But that’s not the point.
She once again texted me for the Healthcare money, and sent screenshots of her bank account. A quick message was added hoping I was OK. She then also texted me asking to pay for half of my grandmother’s flight to visit my mum at Christmas. She wasn’t really clear if me and husband were invited, but I imagined I was. When we go to Christmas at their house we are also asked to contribute a significant sum. She then tried calling multiple times.
I told her while it’s normal that I pay the Healthcare plan and I have no problem doing that, I’ve had enough of her only contacting me for money or to complain about money. She got upset and said it wasn’t true and hung up.
I texted her to scroll up as she hadn’t responded to any of my texts announcing my new job or on my new haircut. She hadn’t asked me anything about my husband and my life. Her only texts and calls in eight months were for the Healthcare plan payment and making sure I paid.
I am not a mooch, I’ve paid for my own clothes since I’ve been 15, for my studies, got my own house ect… I’m not rich and sometime struggle but I pay my own way. It’s been by unfortunate chance that I am still on her Healthcare, but am doing everything with the useless accountant to change that. I pay every month, although some time I do pay a day late. Also note my mother has always been generous with her money with other people, especially her husband’s family, she is just very particular with me.
So AITA for telling my mother she is only interested in money from me?
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I lost my father when I was a teen. Not in US. I haven’t seen my mother in over 18 months but the last 3 times was us going to them, which is a 5 hour drive.
I’m (30F) still on her Healthcare plan. I’m supposed to be on my works Healthcare plan but the accountant sucks and for the last 4 months I’ve been trying to get her to do her job.
For the last eight months the only times my mum has called or texted me is to ask me to pay for my Healthcare plan, or to complain about money. Please note she lives in a very big, very expensive house and her husband hasn’t worked in the 17 years they’ve been together. But that’s not the point.
She once again texted me for the Healthcare money, and sent screenshots of her bank account. A quick message was added hoping I was OK. She then also texted me asking to pay for half of my grandmother’s flight to visit my mum at Christmas. She wasn’t really clear if me and husband were invited, but I imagined I was. When we go to Christmas at their house we are also asked to contribute a significant sum. She then tried calling multiple times.
I told her while it’s normal that I pay the Healthcare plan and I have no problem doing that, I’ve had enough of her only contacting me for money or to complain about money. She got upset and said it wasn’t true and hung up.
I texted her to scroll up as she hadn’t responded to any of my texts announcing my new job or on my new haircut. She hadn’t asked me anything about my husband and my life. Her only texts and calls in eight months were for the Healthcare plan payment and making sure I paid.
I am not a mooch, I’ve paid for my own clothes since I’ve been 15, for my studies, got my own house ect… I’m not rich and sometime struggle but I pay my own way. It’s been by unfortunate chance that I am still on her Healthcare, but am doing everything with the useless accountant to change that. I pay every month, although some time I do pay a day late. Also note my mother has always been generous with her money with other people, especially her husband’s family, she is just very particular with me.
So AITA for telling my mother she is only interested in money from me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my mother she only talked to me for money
(2) Maybe I was too harsh and it was unfair
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No, you’re NTA. You calmly pointed out a real pattern — your mother only contacts you about money. That’s a valid boundary to set. You weren’t rude, just honest. Change the locks. buy an expensive safe with a fireproof box. don’t be surprised when your mother breaks into your home and robed you.
NTA
Sounds like you need to go to someone higher up at work to get in your own plan
NTA as it sounds like you are correct.
INFO: Are you sure your being stuck in her healthcare plan isn’t deliberate? I find it hard to believe it’s accountant’s failure. Maybe she’s benefiting from you being on the plan, and is actively stopping you from being moved into plan of your own.
How many calls and texts did you make to her in that eight months time that weren’t in response to her requests for money?
NTA
Being honest isn’t an AH move despite her not liking the truth