I feel the government should either apply the same pressure on both parties or not be involved in this at all bc it can really be abused.
I’m not in that situation so please spare me.
But I have seen women take the money they receive for their kids and go on trips and leave the kids with the grandparents, and then they hit up the dad and ask for money for the actual child and then hold seeing the kids over their head and deny them the opportunity to see them “if they don’t help more”.
I know there are some dead beat fathers out there but I have two friends who love their kids, who are very much present in their kids lives financially and physically but one left their wife bc she was financially abusive and nothing has changed. He pays a lot for child support and she still reaches out to him for their son’s needs. And of course bc he loves his son, he doesn’t want him to go without…so he pays out on things that should have been covered.
There should be a law or something in place to make the recipients show proof that the child support is actually being spent on the child. And if the recipient can’t prove how the funds were allocated, they should be held just as accountable as the person who has to pay.
Just my thought.
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I agree 100%
Usually child support is part of a custody agreement. The guys need to learn to say no on the extra money and if she withholds the kid, the courts will get involved. If she does that with the wrong judge, the Dads could get custody and be the ones getting child support instead of paying it.
There aren’t more checks and balances to ensure this because it happens so rarely.
This is a good thing. The resources are spent, trying to enforce deadbeats that try and get out of paying for basic needs.
But you are absolutely correct that child support should go toward the child, I can’t imagine buying something for myself when the kid needs something
I’m the dad in this case.
We split when daughter was 4. It was enormously stressful. The lies, the aggravation. Change in pickup drop off locations last second, threats not to see her….
Years go by and she’s 11 now. I never let her mother’s bullshit change me. She’s counting the days until she’s 12 and can move in with me permanently. More than once she’s already “ran away” from her moms to spend a week at mine.
Soon, the shoe will be on the other foot.
I have an aunt who plays the system so badly it’s annoying . Claims she’s poor and that she doesn’t get enough child support but somehow has enough to get her hair done all the time , her nails done twice a month , tattoos and goes out all the time. Back during Covid she wasn’t working but still claimed she was so her youngest kid could go to the free daycare that helps single moms out who work so they can work and have daycare help so she literally was taking a spot that someone could have used who was actually working but she sent her kid because she didn’t want to deal with a high energy toddler which I get but then pay for a spot don’t take the spot from someone who truly needs it. I definitely agree they should have stricter child support rules on how it gets spent
Time to record some phone conversations I’d say. If nothing’s urgent, he should be patient about it, just over time get enough to make it clear he is paying child support, but she hits him up for extra money holding visitation rights over his head. If any court appearances follow, can always use those. Might make things more contentious between the two, but she was the one extorting money.
Most people have to pay rent or a mortgage. Electric. Water and sewer. Gas or oil. Clothes. Food. A car to get the child to school. Doctors. Dentist. Orthodontist. To buy groceries. Beds, furniture. Curtains, blinds, air conditioners, heater. To buy clothes for school, play, church, pajamas. Winter coats, hats, gloves, rain boots. Snow boots. Car insurance and repairs. School supplies. Toys, doesn’t seem necessary but it is. Their job is to play and learn. Bikes and other outdoor toys for exercise. How much do you think is left over for the normal custodial parent who isn’t wealthy?? Not every custodial parent can afford to go on any vacation for a week. Some parents don’t want their kids so they don’t even see them. Hmmm…..
Asking for itemized receipts of what the money went towards should be normalized, let alone giving fathers the right to their child if theres no instances of abuse.
Sure some dudes just don’t care, but some do and the ones that do are the knes suffering from the bitter baby moms weaponizing the kids.
So your issue is the people being wasteful and then asking for more?
I feel like you know your friends. And their circumstances might be exactly accurate. Or may just be an issue of just knowing one side.
I feel like my closest situation would be to be the extreme of my life. Mom received $125 a month for 3 of us. He was a doc and she had worked her ass off as a nurse to get him there. All facts from both sides. By your example my mom couldn’t have asked for more if we or she had done anything frivolous basically forever. While he was a 70’s bachelor living the high life. We all know that pittance did nothing to support a household of 3 growing kids.
There are shitty parents out there. Either side can be corrupt. I wish my mom had taken more time for herself. She deserved it. And he should have been made to support more. But statistically women are the losers in divorce.
There’s so many more men not paying child support then their are women scamming there exes.
In addition to things people typically associate with child support like clothes and school fees, the custodial parent has spent money on increased food, housing, & transportation costs to care for the child, so it’s impractical to request “proof” that the money was spent on the child. The custodial parent could just submit their rent and grocery bill every month.
I wish non-custodial parents spent more time seeking more custody of their kids (which would lower their CS payments) than they did complaining about CS. The parent who is there less than half the time does not get to tell the primary parent how to manage their finances.