I booked a ticket a 1 month trip in April to another country with my boyfriend and two days before leaving found out my passport didn’t meet the requirements so I can’t go. Yesterday, my mom calls, it’s confirmed she’ll start chemotherapy later this month. Today, 30 min ago, my sister calls, my childhood dog just died.
Such a bad month. I just feel so numb unable to cry nothing feels real it’s so weird..
My mom’s lifelong best friend died a few months ago on Christmas while doing chemo, part of me is scared the same will happen to my mom, but I also have a rocky relationship with her so I don’t know where to put myself.
My dog was my little baby, I’ve had him since elementary school, like I was so young, I went though elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and now work life with him. He was the absolute cutest I would see him weekly at my dad’s when I’d visit. He was very sick but we didn’t know why, not even the vets. Anyways, he was old, it was expected, although I’d hope for a few more years. He died in my sister’s arms in their sleep it’s so sad. I feel sad but I can’t cry properly I just want to go about my day. My sister is telling me to come over to kiss him goodbye but there’s no way in hell I look at his dead lifeless body it will scar me for life.
Anyways, can’t cry, or maybe don’t want to. I want to go on for now. I have a few tears here and there slipping out, and my body feels tense. Not think about anything. But I know that’ll end up suppressing my emotions more.