My dad 51M is dating a married woman a few years older than me. Her husband followed me on instagram so that’s how I found out she’s married. I know the guy from highschool.
My dad separated from my mom 2 years ago after cheating on her (not with this woman). He’s been with 2 different women since, this would be the 3rd. He’s done all this pretty publicly without any consideration for my or my mom’s feelings. He tells me about the things he does with this other woman, like going on hollidays or on dates. He says I should accept the situation, that I am old enough.
I am in so much pain. Especially that I am planning on getting married. I also feel like my dad does not care about my feelings and does not think about how this might affect me. I don’t know if I can get married anymore. All the paternal side of the family is telling me I am not understanding enough and that I shouldn’t judge. I try not to but it feels almost impossible.
Comments
Stop putting him, his feelings along with his families feelings above yours!
It’s clearly causing you stress, let that man go be a mess & you go LC with him.
Stop wasting energy on them!
Good luck with everything ✨
u/thr__away I hug you tight, I sincerely hope you and your mother are well, a hug for both of you. Unfortunately your father is selfish and only cares about his own happiness, he doesn’t care about anyone else.
I hate that idea of a parent dating people their children’s age, it’s really disgusting. How are you going to be attracted to someone your child’s age? The worst part of this, is that it confirms that your father doesn’t care about your feelings by telling you to grow up and accept the situation, my god it’s so hard to process all of this.
The man has already realized that his wife is dating your father? Why if your father does it publicly I’m sure he would have figured it out by now. My dear, you are within your rights to feel this way, you are within your rights to judge your father for why you are your father and he never prioritized you.
Your father’s family is not a safe place, they supported all your father’s decisions, they also did not make your father understand you, they did not support you in your difficult moments that he caused, what do you expect from them, they never gave you emotional support, they overlapped your father’s behavior, they have no right to tell you to understand your father’s situation. They will only look for you when your father is sick and you take responsibility for him. For that alone they will consider you and I am sure they will blame you and point you out as a bad daughter if you refuse. Don’t listen to them, for your mental health stay away from them.
My dear, what you can do right now is to take some time for yourself, go to therapy and heal this pain, if you feel a little unstable, don’t get married, first heal and release all your emotions that you carry with you. Talk to your father seriously about how all this has been affecting you and that this is a reason why you are not sure about getting married. If your father’s response is “grow up, grow up, accept the situation” that is enough to make the decision that you should distance yourself from him for a while. He is not going to change now, and as is his behavior and supportive family, he never will. Sadly you have to accept the way things are, but that doesn’t mean you agree with what your father is doing, you simply accept your new reality that you will no longer have much contact with your father and move on for the sake of your mental health. This is only a path that you have to take, heal and be stable for you, your partner and your mother.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you, your partner and your mother the best. Be healthy for yourself. Much peace in your mind and heart.