Why do I randomly care years later?

I had been raped twice in my life, one at 19 and again at 21. The first time it happened it fucked me up a lot but once it happened again? It felt like nothing. I forgot about it. Felt like it was too funny to actually be raped twice that it didn’t matter. And I really didn’t care that it happened. At least I thought I did.

Randomly 7 years later I am thinking about that night. Out of nowhere it popped in my head and I cried about it. Why come back after so long? I remember how it was. There was this guy that was a mutual friend in our friend group and every time we would all hang out he had tried to sleep with me. Every time I told him no. He was always so persistent and I always told him no. I was never interested and him being so pushy all the time turned me off.

Until one night when we were all drinking I woke up to him inside me, his friend standing in the doorway. Both of them freaking out at me for some reason as soon as I came to. I was so tired I wanted to go back to sleep. I didn’t know what was happening. I was confused. Why was he inside me? Why are they upset? Did I black out? But somehow I did something wrong. His friend forced me out and drove me home and that was that.

I don’t remember anything before then. Don’t remember how I got to his house, don’t remember getting in to his bed. I remember waking up and it was happening. For a time I wondered if both of them had done something. Then I promptly forgot about it and I didn’t care.

And now I do. It seems like my brain won’t let me shove this stuff away anymore.