My (19F) father (46M) was in a severe car accident about 8 years ago that caused him to need his right leg amputated. It was terrifying for us, but after years of therapy (both physical and mental) our family has been able to adjust and heal. My dad now uses a prosthetic leg.
Last month, I was hanging out with my best friend (20F) who I’ve known since elementary school. We met before the accident, and her and her family were there for me during that time, which made what happened that night super bizarre.
We were just eating pizza and chatting in her dorm room when the subject of my ex bf came up. We had just found out he has a new girlfriend, so we were jokingly talking about what I had that she didn’t (stuff like I have a bigger butt, I’m funnier, etc) when my friend said “you came with your own little vegetable”. I didn’t get the joke at first but then it clicked. I said I didn’t think it was funny, but I wasn’t offended since sometimes people make jokes about my dad that go too far without them realizing.
She proceeded to double down on the joke, saying that I was being sensitive and that my dad kind of was a vegetable because he never went back to work after his accident. I was super upset and left immediately. The next morning, I woke up from a text from her asking when I was going to “stop being mad and move on”. That made me feel significantly worse, so I sent her a text telling her what she had said was extremely hurtful and that she was blocked, and that I wanted nothing to do with her.
Since then, I’ve been getting texts from other friends that I was being dramatic and she didn’t mean any harm. Yesterday, I explained to one of my friends why what she said was hurtful, they all said it was just a silly joke and I was acting like a bitch, and I should just forgive and forget. AITAH for cutting her off?
TLDR: My best friend called my amputee dad a vegetable, and I cut her off after she refused to apologize.
Comments
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for your dad. No one that is actually your friend would treat you or your family that way. Some day she’ll regret this, but it’s not on you to wait for that. What your dad has survived is unimaginably difficult
NTA. Your “best friend” made a disgusting joke about your dad’s amputation then refused to apologize? You cut her off, AS YOU SHOULD. That best friend of yours, well not anymore, she’s a terrible person
That was shitty and completely uncalled for. The fact that she and the rest of your “friends” glossed right over your hurt proves what kind of people they really are. You can forgive for your own sake, but you don’t have to let her, or any of them, back into your life.
Honestly? Sounds made up to me. Why would your dad being a vegetable even be a comparable trait? If it’s real then your friend is a dbag for it.
NTA. The friend’s comment was a real low blow, especially since your dad went through hell to get that prosthetic leg. It’s no wonder you felt compelled to cut her out of your life after she showed zero remorse. Her flippant joke would have been brutal for anyone who’s dealt with amputation
Um, I think the friend needs to do some serious self-reflection and apologize properly before expecting a second chance
NTA. Her lack of remorse is the real issue. You don’t need friends who disrespect your family.
NTA, this (joke) is just in bad taste! Anyone who agrees with her is not a real friend! I’m so sorry for what your family went through, but I am so glad you’re all doing better, especially your dad.
Well, at least your dad loves you.
NTA
After so many years of friendship, she should be aware of what your sense of humour and limits to them are. It seems like she doesn’t truly know you.
These young girls need to learn some humility and realize at any time in their life they could be in the same boat as your Dad… thoughtless words are hurtful and ever lasting! You are a great daughter to stand up for your Dad I would have done the same..
Good for you sticking up for your father.
WTF? NTA! That “joke” would never be funny or silly even if it were on target which it isn’t. Your dad’s prothsetic is probably more bionic than a hindrance. With friends like that who needs enemies?
Full disclosure: my grandpa had an amputated leg and I always thought it was so cool that “grandpa came apart”.
NTA. Absolutely NOT. I am an adult, decades of life experience on you and your friends, and let me tell you; if anyone purposefully disrespects your family and loved ones, they are not your friends, they are emotional leeches. Never give in to such people. They reveal their toxicity, identify the, and cut them out of your life.
NTA. You should be slowly moving away from those other friends who are defending her.
Nta. Shes not your friend. She made a disgusting comment and is deflecting to you
It’s like weeds in the garden. Once you figure out they are weeds, you root them out. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou
If making fun of the worst moment in your family life and life changing moment for your dad is a silly joke, then they all need therapy, and they are no friends to you.
Personally I’d block anyone that thinks it’s a joke, if you have no friends by the end so be it. You’ll make more
People seem to have a very strange definition of the word ” friend” these days. NTA and good on you for standing up for your pops.
NTA at all. She rude, insensitive, and very immature with something that affects you and your family.
My parent went through amputation years ago and the pain, rehab and just the emotional change is severe.
Sorry but I can’t stand with other who did not go through the situation tell you to just get over it. Maybe this is a good time to find a new group of friends all together
NTA but your friend is. Good for you for cutting her off. She may have ‘joked’ about it but she must have been thinking it for a while for it to come to her mind to say!
What an awful person she is.
She’s the AH either way. But does she have a Dad?
NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even if she didn’t “mean any harm” the moment she sees that she hurt you it was up to her to apologize truthfully and recognize that she’s been cruel. Downplaying your feelings and not recognizing being wrong just shows that there is no empathy. Let that dead freight go
NTA, this girl AND all your friends are assholes by not understanding that this is a sensitive topic. It’s one thing if it was a mistake, and they apologized after realizing they’d hurt you. Instead, they want to treat you as if you are overly sensitive and make it somehow your fault. Girl, get you a new set of friends.
” Well I guess our friendships are also done because i have no desire to be friends with a group of disgusting, insecure bitches. Imagine having such low self esteem that you attack a man who did nothing but love you as their own child. Takes a special kind of person to live that low in the gutter. “
Nta
At best she was trying for couch potato but fucking hell vegetable is way out of bounds.