Let’s get one thing straight. There are certain phrases that should just be permanently retired from a husband’s vocabulary. High on that list, probably nestled right between “calm down” and “are you on your period,” is the absolute clanger, “do your job.” Especially, and I cannot stress this enough, when your wife is already doing you a massive favor.
Our story comes from a hairstylist who works the same hours as her husband, a warehouse manager. They have a pretty standard deal at home, she cooks and he cleans. This arrangement exists largely because his mother, a woman who seems to be beaming her s*xist opinions straight from a 1950s sitcom, never taught him how to cook. You know the type. The kind of person who believes a woman’s place is in the kitchen, no matter what else she does.
Thankfully, her husband usually defended her from his mom’s archaic nonsense, even cutting contact with her. But as the wife says, some of that ingrained mentality still bubbles up from time to time. You can take the boy out of the 1950s household, but you can’t always take the 1950s household out of the boy. And boy, did it ever bubble up.
So, the scene is set. Hubby has guests over. He asked her to help host, and she agreed to cook while he handled the cleaning. A solid plan. Except, as the guests arrive, he’s out there mingling, being the host with the most, while she’s in the kitchen, solo, battling a faulty oven and running behind schedule. The pressure is on.
He waltzes into the kitchen, not to see if she needs a hand, but to ask why dinner is late. She’s already stressed, and she makes a fair point about how she hasn’t even met his guests. This is where a supportive partner might say, “I’m so sorry, babe. Can I do anything to help?” But this man? This man casually said, “just do your job,” and tried to walk away.
Oh, honey, no. That was not the right button to push. You could practically hear the record scratch in that kitchen. She stopped him right in his tracks and asked him to repeat himself. The look of pure, unadulterated audacity. This woman, who was already volunteering her time and energy to feed his guests, was just told her contribution was merely a “job.”
And in that moment, she did what any self-respecting queen would do. She quit. She turned off the oven, took off her apron, and informed him that since she doesn’t work for him, he could go right ahead and take over his so-called “job” if he thought she was being too slow. The panic in his eyes must have been glorious.
He begged, he pleaded, he tried to backpedal with the classic “I didn’t mean it” excuse. He claimed he was just in his “work mode” and it slipped out. Sorry, but that’s a weak, flimsy excuse that wouldn’t hold up in a court of public opinion. You don’t get to talk to your wife like she’s an underperforming employee just because you’re a manager at a warehouse. That’s not how this works.
She rightfully ignored his scrambling and went upstairs to wash the smell of his dinner party off her hands, leaving him to face the consequences of his words. He was left alone to serve his guests what was likely a culinary disaster. Two hours later, after the guests had fled the scene, he stomped upstairs looking like he’d been through a war zone, hair a mess, shirt stained, and ego thoroughly bruised.
He then had the nerve to ask if she was happy and proud of herself for “proving a point” by embarrassing him. Sir, you embarrassed yourself. You played a stupid game with your deeply ingrained s*xism and you won a stupid prize: a half-cooked meal and a very angry wife.
He demanded an apology for backing out last minute. An apology! For what, exactly? For having a backbone? For refusing to be spoken to like hired help in her own home? He says she left him to fend for himself knowing he can’t cook. Well, maybe this is the perfect opportunity for a grown man to learn a basic life skill.
She is not the villain here. Not even close. What he sees as a “slip-up” was actually a peek behind the curtain, revealing that deep down, he still sees cooking as her job, not a shared household responsibility she graciously handles. He’s not disappointed she backed out; he’s furious his antiquated worldview was challenged and he was forced to be an actual host to his own guests. So no, she absolutely doesn’t owe him an apology. He owes her one, big time.