Every once in a while, a story pops up on the internet that makes you genuinely worry about the future of the human race. It’s a tale of a man, a pregnant woman, and a fundamental misunderstanding of how, well, gestation works. This is one of those stories, and I am losing my mind over the sheer, breathtaking ignorance.
So, let’s set the scene. We have a guy named “Dan” who has been in an on-again, off-again thing with “Kara.” Kara is now pregnant, and to her credit, she’s being incredibly mature about the whole “is it his?” question. She’s offered a paternity test after the baby is born and isn’t asking for a dime or any support until they know for sure if he’s the dad.
Dan is totally on board with this plan. He’s stressed about possibly being a dad, but he appreciates that she’s not forcing him into anything. A normal, adult situation, right? You’d think so. But this is where Dan’s brain apparently decides to take a permanent vacation, pack its bags, and move to a different solar system.
He was talking to his friend, our narrator, and said that while he’s getting the paternity test, he also wants to get a “maternity” test. A test to make sure… wait for it… that the baby is hers. Yes, a test to prove the woman who is visibly pregnant and will be pushing a human out of her body is, in fact, the mother of that human.
The narrator, who is literally studying to be an autopsy pathologist and knows a thing or two about biology, tried to patiently explain that that’s not how this works. Kara is, you know, visibly pregnant. They’ve seen her. She had a whole maternity photoshoot. The baby is, quite literally, inside her.
The only, and I mean the only, way this would be possible is if Kara had a donor embryo implanted. But let’s look at the facts. Kara is a waitress working for minimum wage plus tips. She does not have “secretly fund a high-tech, wildly expensive reproductive procedure” money.
And even if she did, why would she use it to “baby trap” Dan? A 32-year-old unemployed man who still lives with his parents. Make it make sense. He is not a prize to be won. He has never even donated sp*rm. The logic has left the building.
Despite having all of this explained to him, Dan refused to back down. He actually had the audacity to tell the narrator, the person with years of biology classes, that she was the one who didn’t understand biology. This was the breaking point. The narrator, understandably, got fed up and called him what he is: a “senseless idiot.”
And now? Dan is spamming her phone. He’s rallied his friends to spam her too, all of them crying that she’s being “insensitive” and that he’s just “stressed” about being a dad. I’m sorry, but “stressed” is not a synonym for “monumentally stupid.”
Let’s be absolutely clear. N-T-A. She is not the ahole. Stress does not make you rewrite the laws of human reproduction. Stress does not make you accuse the mother of your potential child of faking her own pregnancy in the most convoluted, sci-fi way imaginable.
Calling him a “senseless idiot” wasn’t an insult; it was a diagnosis. He was given a patient, logical explanation from someone who knows what they’re talking about, and he responded by telling her she was wrong. He earned that title. He needs to get his head screwed on straight, and maybe pick up a middle school biology textbook while he’s at it.