We all have a line. As parents, we think our love is unconditional, and it is. But our help? That’s a different story. There’s a point where “helping” stops being helpful and just becomes “enabling.” And one mom on Reddit just hit that line at 100 miles per hour, and it has blown her family apart.
Our story comes from a 42-year-old mom who had her son when she was just 18. She’s open that it wasn’t smart, but she loves her son and wouldn’t change it. The problem is, her son has been a handful… well, his entire life.
She explains that he was always getting into trouble and “just never really listened.” She gives a classic example: in middle school, he got in trouble for telling a teacher to “go f**k yourself.” Yikes. This wasn’t just kid stuff; this was next-level defiance. She tried. She took him to therapy. She talked to his teachers. But as she says, “nothing really worked.”
Fast forward to today. He’s 24 years old, an adult. She can’t control him, but she keeps in touch. And then, her husband (his stepfather) gets a call from the local police station.
It turns out that “good money” her son was making for himself wasn’t from a 9-to-5. He was dealing drugs. And now, he’s facing the consequences. After his day in court, the judge gave him a choice: a long sentence or bail with house arrest or a short sentence of just two months.
The mom and her husband sat down and had the talk every parent dreads. And they made a decision. They are not paying the bail. Not because they’re broke, but because this is it. This is the last stop on the line. He is 24, and he needs to learn that his actions have real, adult consequences.
This is the dictionary definition of tough love. It’s the “we’ve tried everything else, the only thing left is to let you fall” moment. It’s a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, awful decision for a parent to have to make. And you’d think their family would understand, right?
Wrong. The entire family has apparently lost its collective mind. Her mom, the kid’s grandmother, is calling her a “bad mom.” Her husband’s best friend, who I’m sorry, has zero votes in this, says they’re being “ridiculous.” Even her own daughter, his half-sister, thinks they should just pay the bail and bring him home.
They are all screaming at her to “save” him. But save him from what? A two-month sentence? He is a 24-year-old adult who was running a drug business. A two-month stint is not a life-ruining tragedy; it’s the shortest, sharpest shock the legal system could possibly offer. It might be the only thing that actually wakes him up.
Let’s be very clear. This mom is not the ahole. She is the only person in this entire story who is actually trying to help her son. The grandmother, the sister, the random friend, they are the ones being ridiculous. They are the enablers. They’re the ones who want to keep treating him like a rebellious middle schooler, sweeping his messes under the rug and teaching him that mommy and daddy will always be there to bail him out.
What happens next time? When it’s not a two-month sentence but a two-year one? This mom is making an impossible choice, and it’s the right one. She’s not a “bad mom” for refusing to pay his bail. She’s a great mom for finally deciding that the most loving thing she can do is to stop.
I cannot say definitively here if YTA or NTA as more information is needed. For one, has your son been arrested before? If not, I would be more inclined to pay the bail. This scare may be exactly what your son needs to clean up his act. You can make him get a job. House arrest means you get to keep your own eyes on him. Incarceration, even for a short period, will put him in a hole that will be more difficult to climb out of. You must also consider his safety. He will be surrounded by others who have committed crimes during that period and possibly have to commit other crimes just to survive. If you can pay your son’s bail and simply refuse to do so, I must lean toward YTA. I must also say I get the feeling that you proceed with this course you will be making a choice you will regret.