So basically I (17f) don’t particularly have a good relationship with my dad. Neither does my mom nor any one. He is always been a bit problematic.
He likes to make fun of others but can’t take it when the joke’s on him.
I have a cousin(18f). She is conventionally attractive. I, well, am not so bad myself. But I’ve always been the one to focus on studies and other stuff. My cousin, on the other hand, spends practically the whole day on her phone and looking at herself in front of the mirror.
Despite my academic achievements being better than not only my cousins but also getting top grades in school, my dad always points out how I look like a “fatty” beside her. He never appreciates my achievements and downplays them. In fact, when I was only 13, he admitted in front of all our relatives and my cousin, that I’m “not good looking at all”. I’ve always studied hard and gotten good marks in hopes of his approval but instead, I would be told that ” no guy will love me because of my appearance. “
I’m not really skinny but I’m not overweight either. I have a normal weight and I get compliments about my looks often. Infact, yesterday a lady came up to my mom and told my mother, “your daughter’s really pretty”. She saw me when I was a kid. I’ll admit I’m not the type to turn heads everywhere I go or ” jaw dropping gorgeous”. But it would have been nice if my own father thought I was atleast “okay”.
Now my dad has a job which doesn’t really pay him monthly but after a few months. His income nowadays isn’t even that good because of certain ongoing issues in the place here he works. My cousin sister’s father, on the other hand, has a great income compared to him. My dad kind of hates him because they’ve had some issues in the past.
Yesterday, my mother and I came back home after some shopping. When I was trying out the accessories and makeup that I bought, he said, ” so you’re trying imitate your cousin to look pretty? ” I replied with “Yes atleast I can imitate that but you won’t be able to imitate her dad’s income.”
He lost his temper and started shouting about how he has a really respectable job despite the low income and that her dad’s nowhere near him and blah blah blah.
My mother thinks what I did was well deserved but the way he’s been acting ever since yesterday makes me feel like shit. So AITAH for making fun of my dad’s income?
Edit: I’ve tried talking to him before multiple times about how much it hurts me. Despite knowing that, he continues to compare me.
Edit : My dad used to spend most of his money on his alcohol addiction when I was a kid. He can easily get a job with a much better income but he chooses not to because he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his current one which doesn’t require him to do much work and therefore the low income. I’m not making fun of any profession. It was my response because I was honestly hurt and tired.
Comments
two wrongs don’t make a right. While his comments about your appearance were terrible, mocking his financial situation only escalates the tension and doesn’t help your relationship.
I get why you’re upset, but making fun of his income might have hurt him more than you realize. It’s tough when someone puts you down, especially your own dad. Maybe instead of making a joke, try talking to him about how his comments have made you feel. It might help clear the air without making things worse.
Honestly, I think he needs to be knocked down a peg. He’s been cruel to you for years, and you hit him with the truth. I’m sure it stung, but sometimes people need a reality check.
ESH. You’re in a shitty situation, but antagonizing him while you have to live with him a minimum of another year isn’t smart.
NTA he shouldn’t dish it if he can’t take it.
NTA. I can understand that your father struggles with self-esteem issues due to his low income. This is something very difficult for men. However, that does not give him the right to boost his self-worth by demeaning yours. You absolutely did the right thing! By doing so, you protected your integrity and your dignity—that is your duty! If you ever want to test his ability for self-reflection, you could tell him exactly all of this. Ask him why he makes jokes about you and explain how it makes you feel. If he’s not willing to acknowledge your right to emotional well-being — move on!
No that’s great. Next tell him your mom says he has a small dick. He’ll love that.
Girl no you’re nta. Tf lmao. He should choke on it. Maybe moving forward he’ll think 1, 2, 5 times before a snarky remark knowing he can get it handed to him as well
Definitely NTA that was a great come back 😂
I’m more concerned with the comments about looks. Your cousin and yours.
Also Visuals can be “enhanced” if that’s something you someday want. A brilliant mind is something that can’t simply be bought, what I mean to say is if you want to look differently. There’s better eating options there’s styles there’s creams and butters and makeup galore.
But you only get one brain. No shame in having a good one.
NTA but also you live with him. Be smart and don’t rise to the bait when he says things like that.
The two good alternative options are:
a) silence – zero response to any of his commentry. don’t waste your breath engaging with him beyond being the minimum of what’s required for day-to-day civility.
b) interrogation – “oh, what makes you say that?”, “why do you think that’s the case?”, “that’s an interesting perspective, what’s behind it?”. People don’t like when their shitty jokes get probed. .
Good for you your dads an asshole
On the other hand, this chat bot did a horrible job.
I think its funny that you said that. NTA
NTA
you need to up the ante. talk about how he got so angry and how he looked funny when angry in front of the extended family. whenever he berates you, point out that you are that way because of him. only if he could earn as much as your cousin’s father, maybe you’d have been as good as her. if he goes low, you should go lower, and do it in public places. around family.
NTAH but I’m wondering where your mom is in this blatant emotional abuse ? You shouldn’t be the one to have to stand up for yourself from your parent. There’s another parent failing you as well. I’m sorry for your situation.
He can dish it out but he can’t take it. Good for you NTAH
Just tell him that from now on it’s tit for tat : everytime he compares you to the cousin, you will compare him to the cousin’s father, and if he stops, you’ll stop.
It has to be abundantly clear to him that you only do that as a reaction to stop him from comparing you with the cousin, not because you like to hurt his feelings or you don’t love him…
You both suck.
NTA
Your dad is a bully.
If he calls you a fatty go “I wonder where I got those genes from” and look pointedly at him.
NTA Your parent should be some you can count on to support you, encourage you, lift you up, and be the model for respecting yourself and others. Are all parents this way, obviously not, but decent parents strive to be. Then there are the rest, whose own trauma bleeds on everyone else until they are ready to change (everyone has their own way of evolving or not)
Sadly, your dad’s self esteem is so low, he needs to inflict pain on others (especially those who are younger or are doing well) just to lift himself up. Even more sadly is you, his own daughter.
Cheer up, you feel bad because you’re not jealous or petty like your father. You’re proud of your accomplishments and rightly so, despite your dad’s lack of acknowledgement. It’s not your job to fix your dad but it definitely is important to have a boundary that he needs to know shouldn’t be crossed or he might get the same treatment or worse indifference. Thanks to your dad, you can recognize this kind of toxic behavior. You won’t let any other person treat you this way or they won’t have the pleasure of your presence.
Keep your head up, keep striving to do your best in everything and dream about making a great life for yourself!
More than the asshole. Doesn’t matter the situation that landed you making the joke, dont fucking attack anyones income, that would be like verbally attacking a janitor because of their position, when in fact, they make more money than teachers
Justified AH, ESH. You knew it was a dig, delivered after he insulted you. Will that help the situation or escalate it? I know it is hard to ‘be the grown up’ when you are still young and dealings with actual adults, but snarking will perpetuate the nastiness.
NTA but you better lock in financially. Because if you don’t make more than him in the future…the “ain’t so easy in the real world” conversation is gonna come. Sounds like he is not gonna forget this moment.
ESH – no questions asked about him being a douche but you making fun of the thing thats securing your livelyhood is some next level stupid.
Ahaha your line was EXCELLENT and if he didn’t want to take it, maybe he shouldn’t dish it out.
Good for you standing up to that bully. Keep doing it as long as he doesnt get violent. If he does, get out.
NTA.
NTA. I think you should’ve taken it a step further and said
“I don’t see the issue. I’m only following your example with how often you ignore or downplay my accomplishments and focus solely on insulting my appearance or comparing it to my cousin in front of everyone. Not my fault you’re too stupid to see the hypocrisy or get a better job.”
Hey if he can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen. You told him right. I think it’s disgusting the way he says this to his own child. I am mad at your mother for not standing up to him and allowing him to treat you like this. As you get older keep him away from your special life moments. He doesn’t need to be at your graduations, and oh he can forget walking you down when you get married. No father of the bride. You think I am so ugly you don’t get the honor. Keep him away from your future child. What he is doing is verbal abuse.
NTA Maybe next time he talks up your cousin ask him if he isn’t concerned that people must think he’s a pedo because he been drooling over her since she was a kid?
Why does your father even have an opinion on your appearance? Every healthy dad I’ve ever met cannot even see their own daughter in a ‘hot or not’ paradigm.
Bad news. You are BOTH TA.
Definitely NTA. However, when cooler heads prevail, and you are both able to sit and speak calmly, have the discussion with him AGAIN, regarding his constant negative attacks regarding your looks and his comparisons to your cousin. Let him know, his behavior can/will drive you to LC/NC as no one wants/needs to be around someone who is emotionally/verbally abusive.
OP, you may want to also seek counseling, as this constant negativity over the years cannot have been good for you.
How many hands you got??
On the other hand you shouldn’t copy straight from the AI prompt response.
NTA. Your dad sounds like a real piece of garbage.
NTA
Is this a real thing? Parents saying stuff that that? Crazy
No loving father would say the things he has said to you. NTA
ESH – your dad in particular. But you also were trying to hurt back with your comment.
your dad sounds like a lovely individual, i would get the fuck out as soon as possible
NTA
Based on what he said to you, not at all. He’s actually abusing you, it’s terrible.
You need to read up on enmeshment and healing fantasy. This is a type of control that is not going to end well (especially for him but for you too as you grow into an adult) none of this is your fault.
Read a book called the adult children of immature parents. Read it yourself first then leave it lying around for him to read. Hopefully it’s a wake up call but in my experience it’s unlikely.
As you age you can individuate away from him and toxicity. Sad but probably likely to be part of your future life.
There is no decent father in this world who don’t think their daughters are awesome (I have two). This is not the 1950s.
Fuck him he is a twat!
Your dad’s a narcissist.
Throwing shit makes everyone’s hands dirty. But he does sound like he has his own issues and needs help