Naming a baby is a sacred right reserved for exactly two people. The parents. It is not a democracy. It is not a committee decision. And it certainly is not up to your pushy sister-in-law who thinks she is the main character of your life. One mom-to-be on Reddit is currently living through a nightmare scenario where her husband’s sister decided to override the baby’s name with a festive piece of felt, and the fallout is spectacular.
Our narrator is a woman who has been with her husband, Todd, for three years. Todd has a nine-year-old son from his late wife, and his sister, Monica, has apparently stepped in to fill the “matriarch” vacuum left by their deceased mother. Monica sounds like a lot. She is described as “nice but controlling,” which is usually code for “she will steamroll you with a smile.”
Things were manageable until the OP got pregnant. They found out it was a boy. Monica, with zero authority, decided the baby’s name should be “Tommy.” The OP, who actually grew the human, said no. She already had a name picked out. Todd, in a move that will surprise no one who reads these stories, decided to play Switzerland and stay out of it. He even suggested they just “let Monica call him Tommy.” Sir, absolutely not.
The OP set a boundary. She asked Monica to respect her as the mother. Monica said “okay.” But we all know that “okay” was a lie. Because Christmas is coming, and Monica is hosting. And when the OP arrived or found out about the decor, she realized the war wasn’t over. It had just moved to the fireplace.
There it was. Hanging by the chimney with care. A stocking for her unborn son. Embroidered with the name “Tommy.”
I need you to sit with the sheer level of disrespect required to do that. That isn’t a decoration. That is a declaration of war. That is Monica looking her sister-in-law in the eye and saying, “I don’t care what you name him, he is Tommy to me, and I run this family.” It is a power move wrapped in red velvet.
The OP was, rightfully, livid. She told Monica she wouldn’t be coming to dinner unless the stocking came down or the name was changed. She left. And how did Todd react? Did he defend his pregnant wife? Did he tear the stocking down? No. He yelled at her. He accused her of “ruining an important family tradition” and said she was “overreacting.”
He actually told her she can’t tell his sister what to do in her own home. While that is technically true, his sister is using her home to publicly undermine the parents of her nephew. Todd is currently failing the “husband” test so hard he might need to repeat the grade.
Now the flying monkeys have arrived. Her brother-in-law, Philip, called to guilt-trip her, saying she would “devastate” the family and ruin Christmas for the stepson if she didn’t show up. They are weaponizing the kids to force her to accept the disrespect. Todd is giving her the silent treatment and only communicating through Philip. The gaslighting is coming from all sides.
So, is she the ahole? Absolutely not. N-T-A. This isn’t about a stocking. It is about a fundamental lack of respect for her role as a mother. If she caves on the stocking, she is teaching Monica—and Todd—that her boundaries are meaningless. Today it is a stocking named Tommy; tomorrow it is a haircut she didn’t ask for or a baptism she didn’t want.
You don’t name someone else’s baby. And you certainly don’t hang that fake name over the fireplace like a hunting trophy. Stand your ground, mama. If Todd wants to spend Christmas with “Tommy,” he can go marry Monica, because he is clearly more committed to her feelings than yours.
NTA , in my mind I think it’s really weird that someone else would think it’s their place to name the baby