We all know that the holiday season is prime time for engagements. It is romantic, the lights are twinkling, everyone is already gathering with family, and there is just something magical in the air. But there is a very fine line between a romantic holiday proposal and using a diamond ring as a “Get Out of Jail Free” card for Christmas shopping. One man on Reddit is currently dancing right on that line, and his best friend is trying desperately to pull him back before he ruins the vibe entirely.
Our narrator has a friend named “Harry” who has been with his girlfriend for four years. By all accounts, she is a gem of a human being who brings out the best in him. Harry has decided that this is the year. He has hatched a plan to propose over Christmas. It sounds lovely on paper because he is coordinating with both of their families to be there for the big moment early in the morning. It is the kind of high-effort planning that usually signals a guy who really gets it.
But then the conversation took a sharp left turn into Cheapskateville. While chatting about the logistics, Harry made a “throwaway comment” that stopped the OP dead in their tracks. He mentioned that the engagement was going to save him some time on his Christmas shopping. When the OP pressed him on what that meant, Harry dropped the bomb. Since he is proposing, he decided he does not need to get his girlfriend anything else for Christmas.
Now, let us be clear. Engagement rings are expensive. Nobody is denying that. But Harry isn’t broke. The OP clarifies that Harry is not “scraping together every last penny” and absolutely has money to spare for a few normal gifts. This isn’t about financial survival. This is about Harry thinking that asking a woman to spend her life with him doubles as a stocking stuffer. He actually believes the question itself is the present.
The OP tried to reason with him, pointing out the massive flaw in his logic. If you are trying to “surprise” someone with a proposal during gift opening, the surprise is going to be ruined the second she looks under the tree and sees absolutely nothing for her. It screams that something is up, or worse, it makes her feel forgotten for the first hour of the morning until he finally drops to one knee. It creates a weird, awkward tension right before what should be a happy moment.
Harry, however, is digging his heels in. He insists that “getting engaged” is definitely a gift. And sure, in a grand, metaphorical sense, the gift of commitment is lovely. But on Christmas morning, when she has likely spent weeks thoughtfully picking out gifts for him, wrapping them, and placing them under the tree, handing her a ring box and saying “that’s it” feels a little transactional. It changes the dynamic from a mutual exchange of affection to a lopsided event.
The OP makes a fantastic point about reciprocity. His girlfriend isn’t materialistic, but she appreciates the ritual of “give and take” during the holidays. She wants to participate in the joy of exchanging gifts. By opting out of the holiday tradition entirely to focus solely on the proposal, Harry is hijacking Christmas rather than enhancing it. He is making the day entirely about his question rather than their shared celebration.
Harry didn’t take the feedback well. He has decided to stop sharing details with the OP because of their “differing views.” That is code for “I know you are right but I don’t want to do the extra work so I am going to shut you out.” It is a classic defensive maneuver from someone who knows they are being a little bit cheap but refuses to admit it.
So is the OP the ahole? Absolutely not. They are the voice of reason trying to save Harry from looking like a lazy partner in front of both their families. A proposal is a life event. Christmas is a holiday. They can happen on the same day, but they are not the same thing. Buy the girl a sweater, a book, or even some nice chocolate, Harry. Don’t let the only thing she unwraps be a life-long commitment you used to get out of going to the mall.