Finding a group of friends who actually like the same music as you is harder than finding a parking spot at a stadium venue. It is a rare and beautiful thing that should be cherished. Our narrator, a 28-year-old woman, struck gold when she met some concert buddies who match her energy perfectly. They decided to plan a dream trip to Puerto Rico to see her favorite artist perform live. It sounds like the kind of memory you hold onto forever.
When she first brought up the idea to her husband, he was the picture of a supportive partner. He didn’t just agree; he encouraged it. He told her “why not,” noted that it wasn’t too expensive, and said she would have fun. Green lights all the way. So, she did the responsible thing. She booked the flights, secured the hotel, and bought the tickets. The plans were set in stone, and the excitement was building.
But life has a nasty habit of throwing curveballs when you are looking the other way. Two months after everything was booked and paid for, the husband got laid off from his job. Losing a job is undeniably stressful. It is a massive blow to the ego and a source of genuine anxiety for any household. But instead of handling it like a team, he decided to turn his wife’s joy into a target for his frustration.
Suddenly, he is singing a very different tune about the trip. He is now calling her “selfish” for going to Puerto Rico while he is “going through a rough time.” He claims she is spending money they “really should be saving,” conveniently ignoring the fact that the money was likely spent months ago when he gave her the thumbs up. He also decided he is suddenly “not comfortable” with her going away for a few days.
Let’s look at the context here because it matters. The husband had every opportunity to go. She took him to this artist’s concert before, and he hated it. She tried to take him again, and he refused. When she mentioned the Puerto Rico trip initially, he said he didn’t want to go “just for a concert.” He excluded himself from the narrative long before the layoff happened. He isn’t feeling left out; he is feeling spiteful.
The wife fired back with logic, which is usually kryptonite to a man throwing a pity party. She told him he should have communicated his discomfort earlier instead of giving permission. She pointed out that she isn’t psychic and couldn’t have predicted his layoff when she booked the trip. And frankly, canceling a three-day trip isn’t going to magically fix his employment status or refund the non-refundable costs they already incurred.
Let’s call this what it is. This isn’t about the money. If she cancels the trip now, the money for the flights and likely the concert tickets is gone anyway. If she stays home, they don’t get richer; they just both get miserable. He is feeling low, and he wants her to sit on the couch and feel low with him. It is the classic “if I can’t have fun, nobody can” mentality that kills relationships.
A supportive partner wants you to be happy even when they are having a bad week. He has every right to be stressed, and she should absolutely support him emotionally. But supporting him doesn’t mean setting her own happiness on fire just to show solidarity. He has no right to demand she forfeit her joy and her sunk costs just to hold his hand for 72 hours.
Is she the ahole? Absolutely not. Go to Puerto Rico. Enjoy the music. Dance with your friends. He can use those three days to update his resume in peace without worrying about being a wet blanket. He needs a job, not a hostage.