Grandparents and boundaries often go together like oil and water. For some reason, the moment a person becomes a grandparent, they seem to develop a selective amnesia regarding the fact that they are not actually the parents of the child. We see it all the time with secret haircuts, unauthorized gifts, and forbidden snacks. But one dad on Reddit just shared a story about a custard incident that spiraled into a full-blown family estrangement, and honestly, his mother’s behavior is a textbook example of why some people end up in a nursing home with zero visitors.
Our narrator is a dad in his 30s who, along with his wife, flew across the country to introduce their baby boy to his parents. It takes a lot of effort to travel with an infant, so this was already a generous move. The couple has two very simple, scientifically backed rules for their six-month-old. No sugar before age one, and no spoon-feeding because they are doing Baby Led Weaning. These aren’t wild, crunchy-granola demands. They are standard modern parenting choices that had been discussed with the grandma at length for weeks.
But Grandma apparently decided those rules were merely suggestions she could override on a whim. The visit was going well until the wife walked into the room and caught her mother-in-law red-handed. She was trying to feed the baby custard off a spoon. It was a direct violation of both rules in one single, sugary scoop. The wife, understandably upset, took the baby and left the room to cool off.
This is where the story shifts from a simple misunderstanding to a calculated power play. When the son stayed behind to ask his mom why she didn’t just ask them first, she delivered a line so honest and so infuriating it effectively ended her access to her grandson. She looked him in the eye and said she didn’t ask because she knew they would say no.
Let that sink in for a minute. She didn’t “forget.” She didn’t “think a little bit wouldn’t hurt.” She consciously identified the boundary, realized it stood in the way of what she wanted to do, and decided to stomp right over it because she felt entitled to do so. Earlier she had even claimed that “rules don’t apply to Grandma.” Well, actually, Grandma, they do. In fact, the rules apply to you more because you are supposed to be the village that supports the parents, not the saboteur who undermines them.
The aftermath was a masterclass in deflection and gaslighting. When the parents tried to have a mature conversation about it the next day, the mom started changing the details. Suddenly it wasn’t a spoon, it was a fork. Suddenly the baby “reached for it.” Then, when the logic fell apart, she accused the wife of “screaming” at her. It is the classic maneuver of someone who got caught doing something wrong and decides to play the victim to avoid accountability.
The couple tried to salvage the relationship. They really did. They proposed a structured exercise to discuss expectations so the grandparents could come to the baby’s first birthday. They bent over backwards to facilitate a reconciliation. And how did Grandma respond? She refused to turn her camera on for the video call because she “wasn’t dressed,” acting like a petulant teenager being forced to do homework. She effectively chose her own pride over her grandson’s first birthday party.
Now the parents have set a final boundary requiring therapy before any future visits, and the grandparents are clutching their pearls. They are acting confused about why they are being kept away, while simultaneously continuing to ask for photos of the child they refuse to respect. It is a level of cognitive dissonance that is truly painful to witness.
So, is the dad the ahole for holding the line? Absolutely not. N-T-A. This was never about the custard. It was about the disrespect. If you cannot trust a person to follow simple safety instructions regarding food, you cannot trust them with your child. The grandma played a stupid game with a spoon, and she won the stupid prize of missing out on her grandson’s life.