Tattoos are one of those things that people either love or hate. There is rarely a middle ground when it comes to permanent ink, especially when we are talking about prime real estate like the chest or neck. Navigating a relationship where one partner wants to turn their body into a canvas and the other partner prefers a blank slate can be tricky, but one man on Reddit just found out that honesty is not always the best policy when your girlfriend is excited about a new piece.
Our narrator is a 31-year-old man who has been with his 30-year-old girlfriend for two years. He starts off strong by claiming they are soulmates and that he tries to be supportive of everything she does. She already had half a sleeve of tattoos when they met, and he admits he loves the ones she has now. So far, so good. He isn’t anti-tattoo. He just has a “limit” where he feels it becomes a bit too much.
The trouble started when the girlfriend, whose interest in tattoos is a major part of her life, decided she wanted to go big. She announced she wants a chest piece. For those uninitiated in the tattoo world, a chest piece is a massive commitment. It is front and center. It changes your entire look. The boyfriend, knowing this would be a huge change in her appearance, has been softly discouraging it for a while by saying he “wasn’t sure” about it.
But soft discouragement only works for so long. Eventually, the day came when she walked into the room brimming with excitement. She was ready. She was getting the tattoo. And she made the fatal mistake of asking him what he thought about it. Now, any seasoned partner knows this is a trap. She wasn’t asking for a critique. She was asking for validation.
He tried to sandwich his dislike in a layer of supportive words. He told her it is her body and she can do whatever she likes. Great start. But then he followed it up with the truth. He told her that he prefers the amount of tattoos she has currently and that he doesn’t think he would like the chest piece. He even went as far as to say he thinks she would “look better without it.” Ouch.
You can almost see the light leaving her eyes in real-time reading this. She went from excited to crushed to angry in the span of a few seconds. She asked him how he would feel if she told him to stop enjoying one of his interests. While that is a bit of a false equivalency since playing golf doesn’t permanently alter your physical appearance, her hurt is palpable. She felt judged by the one person whose opinion matters most.
Now she is giving him the silent treatment. She is stonewalling him, glaring at him with cold eyes, and refusing to respond when he tells her he loves her. He feels horrible, but he is also confused. He felt he was just answering a question she asked. He affirmed her bodily autonomy while being honest about his own aesthetic preferences.
So is he the ahole? This is a tough one. On one hand, you should never ask a question if you aren’t prepared for an honest answer. He wasn’t mean about it. He didn’t forbid her. He just stated his preference. On the other hand, telling your partner they would “look better” without the thing they are incredibly excited about is a surefire way to deflate their joy and make them feel insecure.
Ultimately, this is a lesson in reading the room. When your partner is “brimming with excitement,” that is usually not the time to drop a truth bomb about your preferences. He might not be an ahole for having an opinion, but he certainly wasn’t the smartest boyfriend in the world for sharing it right then.