I (28M) have been working my ass off for the last five years after a really rough patch in my early 20s, got laid off twice, went through a breakup, ended up couchsurfing for a while, and even stayed in my car for a couple weeks. I finally landed a stable remote job last year, cut out all the nonessentials, and started aggressively saving.
A few months ago, I got approved for a small but decent two-bedroom apartment in Austin. Nothing fancy, but it’s mine. I’m not rich or anything… I still gotta budget carefully, but just the idea of not having roommates or sleeping in someone’s living room feels like I’ve won the lottery.
I made the mistake of telling my mom. She was happy for me… until she casually mentioned it to my older sister (33F), who immediately called me and said, “So when should we start packing?”
I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
Turns out she assumed that because I was moving into a “two-bedroom,” it was obviously for her and her two kids (5 and 7). She’s been living with her ex’s parents for almost a year, says the situation is toxic, and she needs out ASAP. But here’s the kicker: we haven’t even talked in over a year. Not a fight or anything we just drifted apart. And she never once asked how I was doing when I was struggling.
I told her, gently at first, that this place is my fresh start. I’ve worked really hard for it, and it’s my first shot at peace and privacy in years. She flipped. Said I was being selfish, that “family helps family,” and that her kids deserve a better environment.
Then my mom jumped in, blowing up my phone. She told me I should let them stay “just until your sister gets on her feet,” and that it’s heartless of me to let my niece and nephew suffer.
Now everyone in my family is calling me ungrateful and cold, saying that since I don’t have kids or responsibilities, I should be the one to make sacrifices. Some even suggested that it’s “just a couch,” like I’m moving into a mansion.
But I’ve been the person sleeping on couches. I’ve begged for help and gotten silence. I didn’t guilt anyone. I didn’t try to move into someone’s home. I figured it out.
Now that I finally have something of my own, I’m being told I’m the bad guy for not giving it away.
So… AITAH for telling my sister she can’t move in with me? Even if it means her and her kids might end up in a shelter? I honestly feel like I’m drowning in guilt, but I also feel like I earned this. And I don’t want to lose it just because someone else made different choices.
Comments
You’ve worked tirelessly for years to get your own space, and now your family expects you to give it up? They never helped you when you were struggling, and now they want to guilt-trip you into sacrificing your hard-earned peace.
NTA enjoy the peace. You have earned it. She can work her own way out … or move in with your mom.
Why isn’t Mum offering her a room like… NTZ
NTA If your mum feels so bad about your sister’s environment she should be the one opening up her door for her precious grandchildren.
She’s living in someone else’s home atm, her exs and she’s still been there year!!! She deffo won’t move if she lives with u.
NTA
Tell tbe family that are blowing up your phone: “I’m sorry pleased you are now of that mindset because I don’t remember you offering when I needed a place to stay, so I’ll let my sister know you will help her.”
Tell your mom and sister that ignoring you when you were down is also not what family does. your sister has not gotten in touch for a year. You also don’t have space for 3 people, and you are entitled to space. She needs to get child support, work, and save for her own apartment.
NTA, but you know the phrase “just until they get on their feet” is never met and she and her kids would be there forever. You will never have the peace you worked so hard for and it’s going to destroy familial relationships when you have to kick her out anyway. Best not to let her in to begin with.
It’s always funny that people come out of the woodwork to tell people they’re selfish when they haven’t stepped up to offer help themselves. Tell her to speak to any of the people trying to guilt you into taking on 3 extra people one of which doesn’t seem like she’s willing to help herself.
Don’t let them in to even stay a night.
NTA
NTA and if you have to go no contact with people protect your mental health at all costs even if it means cutting out your family for a while. They will try to wear you down and guilt trip you endlessly which is not fair as they were no where to be found to help you out. Let them help your sister and her children out her life and her choices aren’t your responsibility. You’ve worked hard to get some peace for yourself and you deserve to enjoy it, I guarantee if she got her foot in the door she would make your life miserable and would never leave , you would have to support her and then eventually evict her make you the bad guy and your situation even worse.
Wow, the audacity of people! You enjoy your new place, alone! I am shaking my head that people would say you’re being selfish. That does not even register with me. Best of luck to you, stick to your guns.
So you didn’t hear from your sister until she could do something for her. Shocking /s. And if mom and the rest of the family is that concerned, they can open their homes and/or wallets to help out! BTW, I hope you DID give your mother a piece of your mind regarding her hypocrisy. NTA
The balls on these cunts. Ntah.
NTA….your mom should step up to help your sister instead
As bad as it sounds, OP, being in a shelter might be the only way sis will realize she needs to take responsibility. Don’t believe the lie that it’s temporary, if it were, she’d have been out on her ex-inlaws’ place by now. You’ve worked too hard to be set back in a place less than zero. It’s a nightmare living in small quarters with children.
NTA . Off she must fuck. The audacity is strong with this one. If your family are that concerned they can take her in.
NTA
As you said, no one in your family helped you when you needed it, so why should you help your sister?
Also, you know once your sister and her kids move in, they’ll take over your apartment and they won’t leave!
If you’re being selfish, then that means you learned it from your family.
NTA.
Don’t feel guilty, and don’t let them move in. She’s already been at her ex’s parent’s place for a year. If your sister moves in with you, she isn’t ever going to get back on her feet and will never leave.
You’ve struggled and worked hard for years, enjoy the peace and fruits of your labor. All those family members blowing up your phone can pool their resources and open up their homes to help your sister and her family out. None of them have done so because they see the writing on the wall and don’t want to be supporting her indefinitely either.
If I had a sister, I would probably let her move in and give her a move out date. (And stick by it). But from the outside looking in, I don’t think you’re the AH. You deserve to enjoy your life and new apartment how you want to enjoy it. If possibly losing the relationship with your sis isn’t a deal breaker for you then do what you have to do for your peace of mind.
NTA. eh, where the hell is your mom in all this? WHats her situation that she can’t take in her own daughter and grandkids?
a 2 bed apartment, and she wants to take over it with her two kids? two young kids? there’s not enough space for a family that size and its YOUR space. that you grafted for. if family helps family then those other whiners can step up. your sis will never “be back on her feet” to a degree where she can get her own space.
NTA I hope you haven’t told them where the house is. I would be buying doorbell cameras or security cameras. I would also be talking to your lawyer and getting them to send a cease and desist letter to your sister and mum stating if they contact and harass you again legal action will be taken against them for harassment. That if they try to approach your home the police will be called to remove them. If needs be a restraining order will be taken out against them.
NTA – these people were strangely absent when you needed help, and you will end up supporting them until you are forced to evict them. Hell no don’t let them move in!
Don’t let them guilt you into giving in. Stand your ground. Let them all take her and the kids in for a few months each. She did not approach you with her plan to get a job and become self sufficient. If you take her in it be as good as forever.
Telling you once, NTA
NTA. Where was all this “family helps family” energy when you were sleeping in your car?
You didn’t crawl out of the trenches just to let someone else drag you back down. That second bedroom isn’t a rescue mission—it’s your peace. They see your stability as theirs to claim. Nah.
You’re not heartless. You’re just done being everyone else’s backup plan.
NTA – all those “family” telling you that you are cold and heartless can open their homes to her.
IF they helped you while you were couch surfing, YTA. IF they didn’t, laugh in their face and talk about karma.
NTA, you earned your new pad, enjoy it. What has your sis done to help herself? Nothing I assume.
Block everyone. Life was s too short for all the BS. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and should stand your ground. Just because they are family doesn’t mean they are entitled to what you have. Lots of luck and congrats on your new home!
NTA. Your mom can help your sister, problem solved!
“Family helps family.” “Blowing up my phone”. guess AI forgot “selfish” this time.
You live in Austin! There is so much to do there, forget these people and enjoy the life you have worked for.
If family helps family, then your mom should help her child and grandkids.
Your sister is family, but not your family.
Your family would be your wife and your kids. Not your sister and hers.
Shut off your phone, and tell everyone who offers advice to let her move in with them.
NTA your family sucks OP. I’m sorry 😞
NTA – your sisters had the same amount of time as you to ‘get back on her feet’ So because she didn’t bother or didn’t take the opportunities then its not your problem.
Write one text suggesting that sister move in with mom. Follow up by saying the terms of your lease limits occupancy to no more than 2 people (they won’t believe 1) and then block them all for a while
NTA and block them all.
Where is the father of the kids?
“I’ll provide as much support to the family as I received from the family.”
NTA
Tell you family to get fucked.
If they believe that let her move on with them. You 100% need to say no to this. She made her choices and you made yours. If her kids deserve a better environment, she better get to working on figuring out what effort she needs to make to change that. 🙄
Tell everyone that is so worried about her situation to help her out surely one of them can give her kids a better environment to be happy in enjoy your peace cut them all off
Family helps family until you needed help and we’re left begging strangers and friends for couches and left to sleep in your car.
Where was your sister then?
Where was your money then?
NTA
Your family is only using the family is family live to guilt you now that you’re in a place to be taken advantage of, they didn’t give a fuck about family is family when you were sleeping in your car just to get by.
Your mom can take them in.
I think what you really need for your own mental health and peace of mind is to silence their calls and take a huge step back from your “family”.
Because they weren’t there when you were desperate and they’re only there now that you have what they want.
You know she won’t move once she’s on her feet, she’s lived with her EX’s parents for over a year. You know she won’t help you either, she’ll take over and expect you to do it all. And that work from home remote job? Good luck keeping it when you have zero places you can do it, because your “bedroom” and “work room” will be the living room, and you’ll be surrounded by her and children all day while you’re trying to work.
No is a complete sentence. If your mom is so worried about your sister, why isn’t she helping? Simple. Same reason she didn’t help you: she doesn’t actually care and wants it to be someone else’s problem.
YTA You had me until “family helps family” and “my mom was blowing up my phone”. Those seem to be the lines to indicate this is fake.
You could loose the apartment letting another adult that’s not in the lease live there.
If it’s that important, your mother or another family member can co-sign on a lease for her. NTA. Block them all until they figure their shit out.
NTA. Don’t let her move in. She’ll never leave. And you’ll become a live-in nanny for the kids. Honestly even if they had provided help to you when you needed it it wouldn’t entitle them to your own space. But they never even helped you. Keep your space to yourself and your own peace, it’s priceless.
NTA. She’s thinking of bringing 3 people into your 2 bedroom place. What’s her plan space-wise? Because with her level of entitlement I doubt she’s expecting all three of them to stay in the guest room. At BEST she’ll take over the main and at worst she’ll expect both rooms for the three of them and you to take the couch.
Tell them all to f off and block them.
Check your lease. There is probably something about allowable guests and/or roommates and cramming three people into one room will probably get you evicted. Tell your sister and family your lease limits how long guests can stay or kids living in the unit.
NTA she is a single mom she can get a lot of stuff from the state. She can get day care assistance, snap and rental assistance all this other stuff. She can also get help with job placement if she needs it. Tell your mom she should step up if she wants her to stay somewhere and tell your sister to benefit from the programs out there to help single moms. On top of that she can file for child support. Sister needs to get busy and do what she needs to do.
Tell her your leas is for one person and that your landlord will evict you if they learn more mellow live there.
Tell them the apartment fell through or that you got a paying roommate. Never invite them over to your sanctuary.
There’s a lot of AI red flags here……….
But in case it’s not, your mother can bring them in “just until she gets on her feet”. Not to mention, if they’ve been living with her ex’s parents for the past year, then it’s obvious if she hasn’t gotten on her feet in the past year, then she’s never going to do so.
A phone has caller id on it; make use of that feature.
NTA
She didn’t think that you got two bedrooms for her and her kids because if she would know where you moved and she wouldn’t have to ask you about it. She thought she could guilt you into it.
Does she work? What is she doing for money? Why can’t they live with your mother?
“Family helps family” “Blowing up my phone” The typical AI phrases from a prompt.
NTA, also never let them know your address.
NTA
The sister hasnt spoken to you in a year and calls to ask about your new apartment?!?!?
No…. No….no…
Op, I think you know that once she moves it will be a nightmare to get rid of her, plus its only two bedrooms, you don’t have room for a mom and her kid’s family or not.
‘Family helps Fanily ‘ is something they say when they want you to try treat them better than they treat you.
Be firm, its no.
Op, you slept on couches, scrimped and saved to get this apartment and your could sister do the same, but she’s not she’s interesting is riding your back to a easy way out of her current problem.
Op, do not give her or your mother the new address EVER, get a p.o box for mail, and let them have that if they want to mail you things.
Get a camera doorbell for your home, they make holders for renters and a security system, and if you can’t afford the system security system stickers.
Don’t give your mom a key, she’s not a safe person and can’t be trusted, she didn’t slip with the information to your she planted the idea in her head.
Don’t ever let either one of them in the apartment, find out and learn the residency laws of your location, and the squatting laws.
And if they to shame you by telling other family members that you’re being selfish and you star lt getting calls from the other relatives or friends tell them plainly.
‘ I do not have the room or finances to help my sister, but I will pass on that your interested assisting her so you and she can work out an arrangement.’
Op, once you firmly tell your sister no, don’t be afraid to block her.
Your sister needs to either get a job, find a place to live, go on welfare, or look elsewhere for housing. She has 2 kids, for chrissakes, and it sounds as though she isn’t taking much responsibility for them or herself.
No means no.
NTA. She didn’t even ASK. How entitled and rude.
Block all of them and get yourself a doorbell camera. Do not give ANY of them a key for ANY reason.
But I’ve been the person sleeping on couches. I’ve begged for help and gotten silence. I didn’t guilt anyone. I didn’t try to move into someone’s home. I figured it out”.
Says it all in a single, short paragraph.
If you need to, go no contact for a while. Settle in and enjoy the benefits of YOUR hard work.
NTA
Give this post a few hours and send it to everyone calling you ‘selfish’, saying ‘family helps family’. Reddit is global, opinions come from all over.
And congratulations on your accomplishments.
nta
No offence but it sounds like your family don’t care about you or like you outside of what you can provide for them. I’d go no/low contact with the lot of them, NTA.
Congrats on making a better life for yourself. I just want to make one suggestion, change your phone number and don’t give the new number to anyone in your family. People have found new ways to get around blocked numbers. Your sister wasn’t complaining about the “Toxic situation” before so why is it that she has to get out now? NTAH
when you were struggling was she there for you
NTA. Your sister has been living with her ex’s parents for over a year, she’s never getting back on her feet in a hurry.
NTA
Your mom seems to be getting pretty involved, but isn’t offering any shelter for her?? What’s her deal? Also, have you asked them where their help was when you needed it, hmm?
NTA – don’t give them your address. your sister is responsible for fixing her own life. Austin is a fun place to live. you are young, enjoy it. your sister can move back home with your mom. her choices have consequences.
NTA Tell them the only thing that got you to where you are today was their act of tough love – not helping you when you were down and figuring out on your own. You’re going to give her the same gift. It breaks the cycle.
Protecting your mental health is THE most important thing. Why do feel guilt? Years of trauma is the most likely culprit. Growing up with people that didn’t understand or respect that put me in a similar mindset …. You can say NO. The guilt is not yours, it’s theirs. That was soooo hard for me to stop doing and I still struggle. Instead of selfish I also like to call it self-protection, self-assertion, and filling my cup before helping others … then I would ask what they have done to help her out including financial or their own homes since you can’t start judging others before looking at yourself. Even yesterday I had a coworker on a business trip tell me what I should do and I felt guilty saying no or felt like having to explain my rationale (more later)
What usually helped me? Putting things in perspective of why someone else was putting it on me and responding with funny or sarcastic quips that shut it down and/or agreeing that yes if protecting everything I had just fought for is selfish than I am selfish and I’m ok with it. Mom is getting older and insists on moving into my home? “No, because while I love you, I can’t live with you. Matricide is a thing.” Would I? No. Dramatic? yes but drove home a point.
Yesterday my coworker asked me 4 times why I didn’t check into my flight yet for the next day.
1st time- I told her I would
2nd time- I told her I would later
3rd time- I told her to stop worrying about it because I wasn’t.
4th time- I finally asked why she was concerned since my seat is reserved and I could literally just go to the airport the next morning and check in then. The look on her face was one of horror. Apparently she’s used to an airline that puts you in seats as you check in. Final determination- She has a hard time with seeing someone else’s perspective.
NTA, and tell them all to pound sand. Tell your sister if she shows up at your place unannounced or with bags you will call the police for trespassing (in an email or text message so you have it evidenced). Any family member
or friend who comments, your mum included should be told their details would be provided to your sister as a place to say since it’s ‘not a big deal’. The word selfish is rarely used by people who aren’t being selfish. And even if this was selfish its the good kind of selfish because you are making sure you don’t destroy yourself and your live for someone else.
All I can say is: guard your address info with your life, and do NOT give any family, any keys.
Mom is likely to be sneaky and say, she’ll keep a key for you ‘in case of emergencies’.
The next time, you go out shopping, you’ll find your sister moved in; your mom helping her unpack and saying they had to do it – it was an emergency.
NTA
Stand your ground. Sis has been living in a “toxic” environment for A YEAR and hasn’t gotten herself out of it? You will never be rid of her if you let her in! As well as, you might actually get evicted for moving that many people into your place without express permission, and increased rent. Don’t do it!
NTA. They didn’t help you in any way so why should you.
If mom doesn’t want your niece and nephew suffering, she can take them in until sis gets back on her feet.
NTA. Just say you got a roommate and they’ll stop bugging you. Or get a roommate, but be choosy – not 3 roommates for a single bedroom.
NTA easily
NTA. You have to get yourself right before you can help others!
Nta. Why don’t those who are offering your place offer theirs?
These stories all sound the same 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes. Family does help family. Unfortunately she didn’t help you when you needed help. You get what you give. If her living arrangement is as toxic as she says then she can move in with your mom. If your mom lives somewhere else then tell your sister you can help her pack. If your mom complains tell her that “family helps family”.
NTA
Mistake #1) Getting a 2 bedroom and expecting the room to stay open when you have family that dont respect boundries. My sister has a 3 bedroom and my parent over stays their welcome constantly and its caused a lot of friction. My other friend only got a 1 bedroom with her husband for that simple fact of not having family stay with her. Why isnt you sister “on her feet” if shes been staying at her ex’s parents Im assuming rent free? That would give me zero hope in the fact that she would ever be on her feet. She has a roof over her head and is fine. I would talk to her about this issue before ever considering it. Also, with 2 kids, getting on her feet will take a long time!
Why can’t she stay with mom or any of the other mouthy family members?
Even you took the hypothetical situation too far. They have a place to stay but don’t like it. Their problem. Block them all and go NC. You NEED peace and quiet to continue to be successful and stay on your path.
Update us and don’t give in.
NTA. Sorry, but your mom and sister need to shut up. Where was this mysterious “family ” when their son/brother was homeless and could’ve used some help?! Preserve your peace. Take care of yourself, I’m rooting for you, congratulations and good luck!
Nta why isn’t anyone whose having a go at you taking your sister and her kids it’s your home end of.
NTA
If they keep pointing out that “family helps family,” then you can say, “okay, glad to hear that you offered older sister and her kids YOUR place to stay.”
Why should you help your sister when she and the other people in your family didn’t help you when you were in a tough situation? If family helps family, then your mom and the rest of the flying monkeys can be the ones to offer her their couch/room in their own house.
Time to send a registered letter formally trespassing your sister from your new place and warning her that police will be called to enforce it if she tries to enter your home.
NTA
NTA, they can offer your sister their homes if family helps family so much
NTAH
Since “family helps family”, thank your mom for being willing to move your sister and her kids in with her.
Probably against the lease to move 3 extra people into his apartment.
NTA and stand your ground. that “family helps family” nonsense was obviously not on the table when you were struggling. where was your “family” then? your sister is a grown ass woman with 2 kids. she needs to figure her life out same as you did. your family can go pound sand. or better yet they can take her in. you have nothing to feel guilty about. and congrats on seeing all your hard work pay off for you. enjoy your new digs and your peace and quiet.
NTA. She has a safe place right now she can be working on getting on her feet. But she isn’t. And she won’t if you let her move in with you. No peace, no privacy, and your costs will increase – and let’s be real, she will expect you to watch the kids all the time because she “needs a break” and “family helps family” nonsense. Don’t even give them the address.
Enjoy your new home!
Your mom is welcome to support the child she didn’t raise to support herself.
I really don’t get the assumption that I obviously got the second bedroom for you. SMH . Top notch entitlement right there
“Family helps family,” “It’s your own sister,” “She has children!” ..
NTA!
OP, don’t give them the address to your place. They’ll turn up there begging to be let in!
They’ll guilt you into letting them in, and then you’ll be trapped!
Fought hard for this place to make it your own, and it should stay like that!
Seems like plenty of “family” out there ready to help your sister, turn her to them as they failed you!
Stay strong
Blocking is a beautiful thing, use it LIBERALLY. Your Mom can house your sister or rent her a place since “family helps family” BTW, “Family” is an F word too. Congratulations on your new start!
NTA
Don’t share your address with any family member and definitely do not give anyone a spare key.
NTA. You have sacrificed to get where you are and this is what you have worked for. If you let your sister in then she’ll be back on her feet once the children have grown and left home (your home)…
Having a single parent with two children move into a 2-bed apartment means you would be outnumbered in your own home. It is unlikely they would have a short stay, treat it as a privilege to have a roof voer their heads, and be happy sharing a single room. It would become their room and they could develop the right to stay just by staying there (depending on the rules of the state).
Every other family member judging you is offering them an alternative to stay with them.
Stand by your boundaries. Block them all. And enjoy the fruite of your labour.
These same people are the ones who wemt radio silent when op was struggling.If family helps family than why did they not help op?and thats not even allowed on your lease.they think she can squeeze her kids in a small apartment which would your lease and get you kicked out.nta
NTA. You’d never get rid of her, you’d end up supporting them, and you’d never have a minute’s peace. There’s no reason to feel guilty because your sister is the one responsible for working and supporting herself and her kids. Her lack of responsibility is not your fault or your problem. Block the complainers.
‘
Do NOT do it. Stand your ground on this. There’s no way it would be “temporary”. You’d be stuck with them forever. “But family” is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse and your sister and mom are absolutely bullying you over this. Not your kids, not your problem. You also aren’t responsible for your sister either. This is absolutely a hill to die on. Tell your mom she has two choices: STFU and back off or you will block her. Those are the only options.
UpdateMe
I truly hope you are smart enuf to just say no
It’s your fresh start don’t get anyone mess with it . Updateme
Nta and if they ever get in, they will dig in like tics…
Block their number, change yours, don’t give them any address.
The guilt trip is low IQ tantrum force and if where they currently live is toxic as they state it, then it’s up to them to make it not so bad but look at how that’s not happening and they sound like professional users.
Your mother is blue pilling you to fall inline with the male worker bee, to be used and worship female at all costs, which is toxic in itself.
Take care of yourself and if ever you can easily help them, get them their own apartment, never yours.
All these relatives of yours should open their doors to your sister and her offspring if they care so much and shut the fuck up. NTA. As soon as she moves in, the ‘until she gets back on her feet’ will become indefinite. Also, you’ll have to rearrange your place to her liking and make it kid-safe; inviting friends over and staying up late will become a problem—i.e. impossible—and your apartment will gradually become hers.
They can move in with your mom
Tell them all to tell your sister when she can move in with them. It is always easiest to expect others to help and suffer. Furthermore she has already family helping family with her ex in-laws. NTA
NTA not even a little bit.
“Family helps family” – as long as it’s not them
Hell no. That apartment will become your sister and the kids’ place, and you’ll be lucky if you can sleep on the couch. She’ll pull some “ohhh the kids need a room more than you, I know you don’t mind!!” Or some other crap. And I’m sure she won’t pay a cent in rent, because “faaaaaaamilyyyyyyy!!!”
You guys barely have a relationship. She doesn’t give a crap about you. Since your mom is so willing to volunteer your space, tell her that she can take her daughter and grandkids in. Since “family helps family” and all. Your relatives are only blowing up your phone because they know they’ll be asked next.
NTA. Make sure no one has a spare key to your place.
It’s always the same story over and over isn’t it
But faammmilllyyy
Ask them where the familial assistance was when you were sleeping in your car.
Don’t cave to the guilt trip. She’ll never leave.