There is a very strange phenomenon that happens when a woman gets pregnant. Suddenly, everyone seems to think her body is public property. People touch her belly without asking, offer unsolicited advice, and apparently, demand the use of her uterus for their own personal gain. We usually agree that bodily autonomy is a basic human right, but one man on Reddit seemingly missed that memo and decided to ruin Christmas with a display of entitlement that is truly breathtaking.
The Original Poster (OP) is a 28-year-old woman who is currently pregnant with her third and final child. This pregnancy is the finish line of a marathon she has been running since she was nine years old. She suffers from extremely painful, heavy, and long periods that she describes as torture. For nearly two decades, her body has been fighting her. She delayed treatment to have her own children, but now she is done. She has a scheduled C-section and a hysterectomy planned to finally end the pain.
Enter the sister. The OP’s 31-year-old sister is struggling with infertility. It is a heartbreaking situation, and anyone with a heart feels for her. She has tried treatments without success, and surrogacy has been suggested. In a perfect world where the OP wasn’t in physical agony, she admits she would have loved to carry a baby for her sister. But this isn’t a perfect world. The OP needs her surgery to survive and function. She cannot wait another two years.
In December, the sister asked the OP to cancel the hysterectomy and be her surrogate. The OP gently but firmly said no. She explained that her body is putting her through hell and she cannot delay the surgery any longer. The sister was upset, naturally, but she accepted it. She said she understood. That should have been the end of the conversation. A sad situation, but a closed one.
But then Christmas arrived, and the brother-in-law (BIL) decided to enter the chat. While the family was gathered for the holiday, the BIL cornered the OP when everyone else was busy. He didn’t offer her a cookie or a gift. Instead, he berated her. He called her selfish. His logic was absolutely twisted. He claimed that because she delayed the surgery to have her own children, she should be willing to delay it again to have his.
Let that sink in for a second. He essentially argued that her desire to have her own biological children was “selfish” and that she owed him the use of her body because she dared to use it for herself first. He looked a pregnant woman in the face, knowing she is in constant pain, and demanded she extend that pain for his benefit.
Thankfully, the OP’s husband and mother overheard this attack. They stepped in immediately. The husband told the BIL to back off, stating the obvious fact that nobody should ever be pressured to carry a pregnancy. The mom pointed out that while emotions are high, this is not the OP’s fault. The BIL, proving he has zero self-awareness, told them the OP broke his wife’s heart and he was p!ssed about it.
The rest of Christmas was predictably strained. Later, the sister apologized for her husband’s behavior, explaining they just felt robbed of having a biological child. The OP was gracious and offered support. But the BIL wasn’t done. He sent a follow-up message saying that while his wife might be sorry, he still thinks the OP is “incredibly selfish.”
So, is she the ahole? Absolutely not. N-T-A. The only selfish person in this story is the man demanding a woman sacrifice her health and live in agony so he can have a baby. Surrogacy is a massive gift, not a familial obligation. It involves risking your life, your health, and your mental well-being.
The audacity of this man to call a woman “selfish” for needing a medically necessary hysterectomy is infuriating. He views her body as an incubator that he is entitled to rent, rather than a human being who is in pain. He owes her a massive apology, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Enjoy your pain-free life, OP. You earned it.
Rent? No money was ever mentioned here. It sounds like BIL just expected it and that’s that. First of all, its never a good idea to be a surrogate for family or friends. It doesnt usually end well and second, they should go thru a professional place that deals with this service and not try to railroad this poor woman.